To plan another baby at 37?

[Anotherbaby36]

I’m looking for someone to tell me that I’ve completely lost my mind!
I have 4 children, and I absolutely love the chaos! I love all their personalities and watching them grow. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum even though I have 2 teens, the youngest 2 are toddlers.
We are getting married next year and I can’t help feeling that another baby would be so welcome and wanted in our family! However, I would be 37 (all being well fertility wise) once baby would be here.
All I keep doing is counting up in age at how old I would be on the school runs etc and would my
husband and I be too old to travel once the children had their own lives.
I can’t stop thinking about another baby! But is this because I'm sad that I just won’t have one again if that makes sense?
thank you!

I had my first baby at 37 and my second at 40. It's completely fine!!

Do people ever get the feeling of being ‘done’?

Yes I have one. I had planned 3 but as soon as I held her I thought she was just perfect. She was enough and completed us.

I will be 37 and 5 months when my second DD is due early next year and I was worrying that 37 was too old aswell but everyone iv mentioned it to has told me its absolutely not too old and is basically the norm these days! If you really do want another baby please dont let it stop you its far from an old age to have children!!

My second was born when I was 37, I even have a degenerative neurological disease and my consultant was fine with it (he would have said if he thought it was a bad idea).
You didn’t ask this but 5 is really a lot. We wouldn’t have the time or money at any age!

I have three. Two teens and one young child. Found it wonderful and easy for many years but honestly didn’t realise how much work and older teen is. Ferrying him everywhere. Work. Parties. Even have to drive him to his driving lesson as we are rural. University application and general find he needs a lot of input and support emotionally. I feel spread thin while also needing to be there for young child and make sure middle one isn’t left out or spending hours on screens.

however. If that’s what you want, 37 is not too old at all!

While no 37 is not too old, at 37 now myself with a 3yr old and a 1 yr old I AM EXHAUSTED!!

Don't forget the last baby could be surprise quintuplets😂

I only have the two but I do sometimes get sad that everything is my 'last' with my 1yr old. But then I remember I still have 100s and 100s of 1st, 2nd times and favourite times with both of them.

I have 2 kids. I'm not with their dad anymore and because they've hit the nicer ages (6/8) I'm like yeah no I'm definitely done lol. My partner has 1 I have 2, more than enough for me. Sometimes I get broody but then my kids fight and my eldest is sen so I'm like hmm yeah no babies 😂😂. Love them with my entire heart but the 3 are more than enough for me.

I’m in your shoes right now, @Anotherbaby36. I’m 36, have four children and really want one more 😄.

My best friend has five and I know someone else who is pregnant with her fifth, (both heading towards late 30s). In both families the parents and kids are all happy. I know some people will find that hard to believe but it’s very true.

You're definitely not too old but there are 16 years between dc1 and dc4 and tbh I'm totally fed up with dealing with schools etc. Dc4 is in y13 and I'm so ready after 30 years of schools! I had 2 and 2 like you and did imagine a 5th but very happy I didn't in retrospect. I have gc now but sometimes I haven't been able to be as helpful as I was juggling the youngest

I am not too far in age from you & have one DD. I feel really sad that the 'magic' is all finished for me now. I adore her and she's a wonderful teen but I keep thinking how lovely it would be to have another baby. If your family is on board, you can afford it & you want to then there's no reason not to. Most of my friends our age have young kids - I just started (and finished) early. I wont have any more for various reasons (PCOS, probable infertility & nobody to help out being the main ones) but I love being a mum & I wish so much I could do it all over again.

I had my 4th baby at 38 (this year) and honestly I would probably have another 😄 so would hubby! As for children feeling left out etc..my older children are obsessed with our 6 month old. She is so very very loved and they keep asking if mummy will have more 😂 we also have a dog! We love the madness. I also have my own little bakery business so no I don't have children because I don't have a life etc I just absolutely love being a mummy and children are a blessing. Like the saying goes "you won't regret the children you have but you may regret the children you didnt"

It seems like you have a great life and balance already. Why would you want to disrupt that? For the chaos? You have no idea what’s around the corner, like could you handle a child with a disability while still trying to care for four others who also need you.

There are so many unknowns especially as you get older. If this was you first it wold be a no brainer and we’ll all be hell yes go for it, but you already have FOUR kids who still need you and will continue needing you for a looong time. You just want to be pregnant have and little baby.

My eldest are 14 and 12 and don’t really want much from me now

Thats really naive. They will likely want need a lot from you in the next few years, navigating secondary school, friendships, relationships, GCSEs, A levels, uni applications. They’ll need a lot of support, guidance and time.

37 is a normal age for babies, but you have four children that is enough.

Like the saying goes "you won't regret the children you have but you may regret the children you didnt” This is a bullshit saying and not at all true!

If you and your husband want more children and can afford more then dont let people on the Internet sway your decision. Ive 2 , had my second at 36 and that's enough for me. I know people with 4,5,6,7,8 children and theyve loved every minute of it.

YABU to have a fifth child. That’s a purely selfish decision OP and there is no way that with five children you’ll be able to direct enough time, attention and financial support to them all.

YANBU to have a baby at 37 - that’s totally normal these days. I had DD at 37 (she’s now 21) and never felt like the odd one out in terms of being at the school gates etc. I was far from alone in being an older mum (nor was I the oldest!). My DM had my youngest sister aged 40 - DSis is now 50 and definitely didn’t miss out whatsoever. DM is 91 now and only retired in 2020 (she’s exceptionally fit and well) so DSis has been able to enjoy plenty of experiences/trips with her as an adult, alongside her being a huge part of the grandchildren’s lives.

This was my reaction.

37 is perfectly ok to consider having another baby.

But what about cost of living and giving them the time they need? The world is getting a tougher place to send children out into. Just don't let your hormones make you too broody without some cold hard realism.

Babies are lovely, of course they are. Gorgeous in fact. But they aren't a collector's item.

Agree with this. DD was far easier at 14 compared to now at 21! Life (and their needs) get so much more complicated. The problems that you fretted over during their early teenage years become totally insignificant in comparison.

I’m being harsh but frankly, to anyone who is upset that their kids ‘don’t need’ them anymore:

a) get a grip
b) get a job or better hobby!

I defy you to ask your kids when they are older if they truly didn’t need much from you in their teen years….people who say this are often a bit unaware of what parenting teens well looks like, and if the 2 oldest know you have your hands full with the 2 youngest, then they are probably not asking much of you for a reason.

37 isn’t too old but you’ll have even less time with a fifth. Five seems ridiculous. Teenagers will surely need you as much as young children, just for different reasons.

Your older children have probably given up asking for attention if you’re busy with 2 young ones

Do all the children have the same two parents? If yes I would go for it. 55 when they leave home, many years of travel left in you!
If you are a blended family it may be more difficult for the other children.

The kids themselves don’t always agree! As a grandchild of 5 and 6 siblings on each side of a catholic family i would never have that big a family as I know how much can be put on the older kids ….they don’t get to choose how many babies mum and dad have or what their parents end up sacrificing for a big family. Thank god for contraceptives.

I wonder if your children “love the chaos”

Doubt it