IVF dilemma. Thinking of going through IVF forThe purpose of gender selection.

[VS1987]

We have 2 boys (5 and 7) with growth issues, candidates for growth hormone therapy. It’s been the source of constant stress and anxiety
them being under 5 percentile constantly. Otherwise completely healthy and happy children.
Had 2 miscarriages (also boys) before them, but all the 4 pregnancies happened on the 1st try.
However, I always wanted a bigger family and I still have a void of being a girl mom and have a daughter.
I’m sure we could get pregnant again, but I can’t fathom to go again through this growth problems and stress around it, having a boy. In my head hight with girls it’s not as much of an issue, I am petite myself and my husband is average height. He only agrees to have another child through IVF juts To make sure it’s a girl this time. I agree the whole point of having another child is having a daughter.
I guess I’m trying to find justification for it, but having fears of IVF and moral dilemma. After hearing the both sides: One is that it’s unethical to select the gender and IVF is against nature bla bla bla. And even that IVF children somehow more at risk and not as good as “natural” which is ridiculous but makes me anxious. And on the other side are the parents who can’t conceive and any child would be a blessing for them - I feel bad asking on their forums With all that does anyone has any thought if there are other aspects of it? How bad is IVF for the health of both a mother and a child? I’ve been ruminating around it for weeks before writing here.
Please no insults. But every opinion or argument is valid. Thanks

What? Her boys are healthy! Just short.

No, she said multiple times her children are perfectly healthy, she wants one because of aesthetics. There are very good reasons for this being illegal in the UK

It’s illegal for OPs reasons, it’s only allowed in certain conditions to avoid inherited conditions. OPs children are perfectly healthy

You aren't "less than" obviously but is it not a clinical fact that IVF children do have a slightly higher risk of certain medical issues?

I'm a mum of one boy and one man diagnosed with 'short stature'. They're short but healthy and perfect, and have no problems with it. Just about every man in my family is under 5"5. It's not some tragic health condition, it is just life

Do you regard short people as unhealthy??

It would be a good idea if the OP and other posters informed themselves about the reality of pre implantation testing in the UK
https://www.hfea.gov.uk/treatments/embryo-testing-and-treatments-for-disease/pre-implantation-genetic-testing-for-monogenic-disorders-pgt-m-and-pre-implantation-genetic-testing-for-chromosomal-structural-rearrangements-pgt-sr/

I have boys and girls and I don't think it makes a huge difference in terms of my realtionships with them. I think that the 'traditional girly' type girls are more likely to have a close relationship with their mums but who knows if you would have one of those! I have a sensitive boy who is much more a mummy's boy than the girls.I think if you want to have another baby then just have another baby but only if you could love the baby irrespective of gender. I have a friend who ended up with a daughter after a few boys and the favouritism she shows to her daughter when she also has these amazing boys makes me a bit sad.

We live between US and UK.

They're not missing the point
They don't agree with her

I think if we're on board with ivf (and keeping embryos on ice forever or destroying embryos), it'sa bit absurd to draw the line at sex selection.

From the point of view of an agnostic and someone who is very "science brained", I don't see an issue and would do the same if I had the funds and a desire for a specific sex.

It’s not just about the embryos, it’s about the sexism and cultural issues that can go along with it. A girl will be higher value to them than a boy and they don’t care as much if the girl has issues with her height because the dad is being sexist against his own sons. It’s not about being ‘science brained’.

Agreed. Why does it matter what country the parents are from?

I don’t blame you for considering it though x

In fairness I think it might be more her DH, but the point stands: not ideal for a child.

Don't do it. You're too shallow with the talk of wanting a girl and height mattering more with boys than girls. Work on yourself and being accepting of your sons rather than bringing another child into the mix. If you go ahead you will either be very disappointed that your girl isn't the perfect girl you envision and will destroy her self esteem or she will be what you imagine and your sons will know you value her more than them and you will destroy their self-esteem.

It is illegal in Spain. I presume you mean Cyprus.

tell your husband he should have married a tall woman if he wanted tall children. Two shorties were never going to make 6’4 children. It’s just genetics and fucking obvious.

If the height issue is genetic, then going through IVF will not help. The baby has a chance of having it as well. I have a child with a genetic condition affecting height. It’s been so tough.

You could have a girl wth disabilities? She may grow up to not like you? You cannot guarantee ANYTHING at all! Just because you want it, it may not end up like that - be content with your lovely boys, because get no-ones blessing (what you seek) from here xx

Have you thought about adopting @VS1987

I'm an adoptee who was chosen for my adoptive family solely for my sex. Am firmly against selecting for sex, too much pressure on the child imo.

Also I confess to not having RTFT esp OPs replies but the OP suggests the 'problem' is the sons being small in stature? And a solution to that problem is getting the desired daughter who if she is small, it will be fine?

NOPE this is all kinds of wrong. Disordered thinking leads us to these strange ideas. And projection so much projection.

They all say we have perfectly healthy boys. It’s just their appetite is not there: not even picky eaters just very small amounts of calories consumed.

My son was skinny and only ate very little beige food. He's massive now!
Your husband needs to take over the feeding of them - cheeky twat!!

No - I believe there is correlation between ivf and higher risk of birth defects but … there is no evidence that this is caused by the IVF. It may be but we cannot say that.

It’s also illegal in Cyprus unless for avoidance of genetic illness but allowed in Northern Cyprus (however lots of ethical issues reported in North Cyprus IVF clinics…I hope the OP spots the pattern here!)