IVF dilemma. Thinking of going through IVF forThe purpose of gender selection.

[VS1987]

We have 2 boys (5 and 7) with growth issues, candidates for growth hormone therapy. It’s been the source of constant stress and anxiety
them being under 5 percentile constantly. Otherwise completely healthy and happy children.
Had 2 miscarriages (also boys) before them, but all the 4 pregnancies happened on the 1st try.
However, I always wanted a bigger family and I still have a void of being a girl mom and have a daughter.
I’m sure we could get pregnant again, but I can’t fathom to go again through this growth problems and stress around it, having a boy. In my head hight with girls it’s not as much of an issue, I am petite myself and my husband is average height. He only agrees to have another child through IVF juts To make sure it’s a girl this time. I agree the whole point of having another child is having a daughter.
I guess I’m trying to find justification for it, but having fears of IVF and moral dilemma. After hearing the both sides: One is that it’s unethical to select the gender and IVF is against nature bla bla bla. And even that IVF children somehow more at risk and not as good as “natural” which is ridiculous but makes me anxious. And on the other side are the parents who can’t conceive and any child would be a blessing for them - I feel bad asking on their forums With all that does anyone has any thought if there are other aspects of it? How bad is IVF for the health of both a mother and a child? I’ve been ruminating around it for weeks before writing here.
Please no insults. But every opinion or argument is valid. Thanks

What's 'reprehensible' about it?

I can assure you it's not a picnic to be way shorter than all your peers and to need growth hormone therapy as a girl, either.

The lack of knowledge on here about IVF is astounding.

Sorry I know this isn't what you asked, but I have a question if you don't mind?

Who has suggested hormone growth therapy? My 9 year old boy is 2nd centile and had been forever. No health professional has ever voiced any concern about this. He's certainly smaller than his peers but otherwise fit and healthy. What has been your health professionals concerns?

Eggs are all "female", i.e. they all contain an X chromosome. It is the sperm that comes in X and Y varieties. Thus you would only know that an embryo was female, not an egg. You could in theory at least tell whether or not a sperm contained an X or Y chromosome but I have no idea if we are able to do that prior to the IVF process (I know our embryologist spent ages looking for sperm that didn't look malformed, but that was done with a mega-microscope, which I don't think the nature of the chromosome could be - but happy to be told otherwise)

Having had IVF I wouldn't choose to do it unless absolutely nessarily IE infertility or a medical issue that is fatal for certain genders.

One of my kids is growth hormone deficient. He has an injection each day which he does himself and sees his consultant twice a year. It's really not that much stress. What stress do you mean, for you or the children?

GP are woefully uneducated when it comes to genetic issues that don’t present emergent health concerns. In your position with a child in a low percentile I would see a specialist to make sure nothing was amiss. You’ll probably need to battle the GP to refer you and so if you are in the position to go private I’d do that. The Mayo Clinic has an office in London and I’d try them for a consult just to see what they think and suggest for genetic testing.

My wife and I have three. Boy 11, Boy 8 and girl 5. There was one ectopic and nine miscarriages. She was determined for three..... Absolutely determined!(She had a hysterectomy for cervical cancer last year). She's happy. So are the children.

As someone doing IVF currently due to infertility and pregnancy loss I cannot tell you how hurtful and offensive this post is.

As someone who has just lost a baby this week,
this absolutely sickens me. If you’re in the UK, it’s illegal. If it’s not illegal where you are, it should be.

I’m hiding this thread, so won’t see your reply thank goodness, as the thought of anyone being anything other than delighted with a baby boy is distressing and disgusting. I hope your IVF is unsuccessful if that’s the route you go down, purely for sex preferences. Awful.

Honestly I think sex selection IVF is abhorrent. Unless of course to avoid X linked genetic conditions.
But I thought id give you a quick run down, because although you didn't post on "their forums" us infertile folk are allowed on the other topics too.

IVF is tough! Expensive for basic IVF, crazy expensive when adding PGT testing in which is what you will need to find out the sex of the embryo. As others have said, it's illegal in the UK so you would need to travel abroad multiple times for treatment. For the initial egg collection, then again for subsequent transfers. You wouldn't be in charge of timing, your cycle would determine these or the clinic.
Mentally it's awful, although given you are actually perfectly fertile, you probably wouldn't suffer the emotional turmoil those of us undertaking it for infertility would.

The drugs are tough. Side effects are grim. They are expensive. There is an increased risk of cancers in the future.

If you can't love a child regardless of their gender then absolutely don't have another child

Enjoy and love the two healthy boys you have and please stop obsessing about their height which is going to cause them untold psychological harm

Im guessing this poster is assuming that they had “eggs” implanted (which doesn’t make sense and is impossible) when really her friend had a female embryo implanted.

Why? I know only too well how hideous and heartbreaking both of those things can be, but why does the OP's situation have any bearing on yours?

I'm sorry you are in this situation - I wouldn't wish it on anyone - but not sure that the two things tally. If we only allowed the person with the most unhappy life to be miserable, or feeling unhappy about something had to be reasonable, we would all be in a bit of a mess, wouldn't we?

To consider IVF because you don't want another short son, but would accept a short daughter is simply vile.

Be greatful for your two sons, and be greatful IVF isn't the only option you have for a family.

I have moral objections to IVF in normal circumstances, but appreciate that people have valid reasons for wanting access to it.

I’ll bite - what are your moral objections? As an infertile woman I’d love to know why you think I shouldn’t have used a medical procedure to conceive my much-wanted child with my DH.

I’d also love to know so I can discuss with DD what reasons some people have for why she shouldn’t exist and think IVF is wrong. I suspect she’ll put you in the category of someone ignorant of science.

BTW, we’re not religious so I don’t care about religious arguments.

I’m not judging. Found this link, but I know nothing about the place:

https://genderchoice.co.uk/

IVF is not to choose the sex of a child - that is illegal in the UK unless it is for genetic reasons - ie. A horrible genetic condition that would cause all children who were boys to die.

OP doesn't want another short son, but doesn't mind having a short daughter as she feels that's more acceptable. She has stated they have no genetic conditions.

And to ask if IVF babies are normal etc is offensive.

Keep the money you would use for IVF to give to your sons for the therapy they will need when they are older.

You cannot gender select with IVF in UK, its not legal. I had multiple rounds of IVF - certainly never felt they are not as good as natural. But i wouldn't have had IVF if i didn't need to..

Look I'm going to be honest, it doesn’t seem like your family needs more children added into the mix. Focus on the children you have, who seem to be having an unpleasant time at school and who may have potential health needs. Another sibling isn’t going to help them.

Beyond that, short women don’t have it easy either. Plenty of short women don’t like their height, and it seems like from what you say, your child might be shorter than average and so still experience growth issues. Or are you saying growth issues are less important for women?

What’s the problem with your sons being short? As long as they are healthy I can’t see the issue.

This sounds like an attempt to justify trying to have a girl op. Sorry. You have two children already, why not focus on them. If their height turns out to be an issue for them, and/or other health issues raise their ugly head, they are going to need you.

What country are you in?