In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

[Getbackinyourlane12]

Hi
this is more of a rant than anything else ! In laws have 8 grandchildren and the eldest has just started university ( not my DC )
my eldest has just started secondary school and so a while off yet !
DD was over at grandparents the weekend and came back a little upset questioning me about university and getting upset that she will never be able to be an Occupational therapist.
I asked where this has come from and it turns out during the weekend her cousin was talking about her new life at university and DD took an interest and said she wanted to be an OT. She is 11 so I’m aware this can change 🤣 her nan then went on to tell her that I am not setting her up for the reality of her future. To get in to university you will need to do well in your GCSES for college and then well in your A levels and unfortunately your ability is below that. What ?? She’s 11 😭😭 this has all come about because they are all huge academics and asked daughter when she got her sats results what they were.
not to drip feed there was huge health impacts and other factors than meant her primary education was not your average !
she is now able to attend school more and is a great school with great results for children who need a smaller environment but are academic.
I spoke to the in-laws and the MIL said I was misleading daughter and it was better for me now to work towards more an enable goal and have a plan for her that is realistic and not a pipe dream.

she’s 11 😭she’s a tough cookie and in my opinion extremely smart !

Argh!
I had similar when I was younger. Scoffing at my dreams and telling me I would never do the things I wanted to. I must have been a similar age. It made me so determined to prove her wrong. So I did and I am very happy about it.
We should all aim for the stars and aim high. We might not all get there at the same time but what’s the point of not trying? I’d be firing her up if I were you and encouraging her to follow her dreams. Nothing wrong with falling slightly short if you’ve given it a go. And there are heaps of ways to get to Uni. Your mil is horrid.

Hello, l have actually been like your daughter. Severe asthma meant l missed primary school and was earmarked for special school. My parents working class insisted on mainstream and l caught up! I now have two degrees, a successful career, a great family and grandchildren. Show these academic snobs who you are, support your daughter, encourage her to abandon all self pity, work hard and smile at the world.

There is also this sense I get that early academic excellence is the only benchmark for later success which just isn't true. Hard work and perseverance will stand you in better stead long term.
Each stage of schooling is a stepping stone to the next and admittedly doing well at one level makes it easier to progress to the next but that's all.

Also our family rule has often been proved to be a marker of success "don't be a dick". In this your Mil seems to have failed.

Absolutely outrageous behaviour from your in-laws. I have four grandchildren and am their biggest cheerleader. Just yesterday afternoon told my four year old one, skipping across the room after her ballet class that she is such a talented dancer! My grandson loves space, reading him a story, I said maybe you will be astronaut too one day ! It’s a grandparent job to instil “ the world is your oyster” attitude.

Well granny let's write of all 11 year old's who are not mini genius's!

They are wrong. At that age my dad had just died and my educational level plummeted and didn't really pick back up until I was 14 and didn't really get to a positive level until I was 16. I got 11 O levels, 5 A and S levels, and a 1st class degree. At 11 everything is still to play for and what makes the difference is encouragement and enablement.

M.I.L doesn't understand that there are many routes to success these days. It no longer follows that Nursery/Primary/Secondary / University is the be all and end all of success. Your daughter's experience with healthcare will give her a tremendous advantage if she seeks a role in health services. As long as you know what skills [not just scores] are required then she is well on the way to achieving her dream. As for Granny, don't let her split the relationship between the cousins, by comparing them to each other. Could you make sure you let them meet up on home turf? Granny won't be around forever, but Cousins make excellent mates in adulthood. With online communications these days the kids can be friends, even if miles apart, in an instant. No need to rely on waiting for the post to keep up with one an other.

DS1 got poor SAT results and was struggling at 11. At 18 he got 3 x As at A Level and is at a Russel.Group University doing a competitive degree.
11 year olds grow up.
Believe in her and tell Granny she was out of line

I do wish people wouldn't use 'learning' when they mean education. Sorry, nothing to do with OP's post, but so irritating.

Outrageous. Total lack of emotional intelligence. The reason the national 11+ exam in UK schools was abolished was because many children didn't realise their potential until their mid teens. The woman is an idiot. Your poor DD 😕

I might have missed this @Getbackinyourlane12 but I hope you’ve overtly told your daughter that her granny was talking rubbish and how profoundly you disagree with what she said?

Being very plain about it.

You sound an amazing mum and I’m sure your daughter will achieve wonderful things. Have you looked up Georgia Vine? She’s a young OT with CP.

107 is an acceptable score. The others suggest she may be a tiny bit behind academically.

I think the emphasis is the need to work hard to close the gap. Get her reading and talking to you about what she's read. I would also invest in the CGP Workbook for Maths as she can have a go at the questions and you can help with anything she doesn't know. The Y7 one is actually easier than SATs in my opinion for some areas! Get the Statutory Y3 and 4, and Y5 and 6, spellings off the internet and work to learn them. This can make a huge difference to grades.

My youngest son had lots of time off school with ill health. He became proficient at being able to talk in an adult environment and made the most of what education he did get. Successfully went to uni and has a well established career in games design. At one point we never even thought he would work full time. Now in his early 40's he earns more than me and his dad ever did. Don't let anyone write your daughter off, but keep those relationships going. It will teach your daughter how to rise above these situations and believe in herself. Good luck

OP, I am so angry on your DD's behalf! Your MIL is the dimwit I'm afraid. Not to go into specifics but my DS is ND and started secondary school with bad sats as well. I kept (and still keep) telling him and my other DC that life's a marathon, not a sprint. It's great your DD has a goal. Eye on the prize and she'll get there. There may be set backs, challenges etc but eventually she'll achieve what she wants. My DS is now doing his PhD in his chosen field at one of the top 5 unis in the world. You would not have forecast this aged 11. Big hug to your DD.

It’s unreal how so many people in life are judged isn't it. I feel for you and feel your rage. Let’s hope they live long enough to be proven so very wrong! These comments only make you stronger/work harder. Turn it around to be a positive. A Mum usually knows best. If only ‘they’d listen’. You needed understanding not to be batted down. Ps I understand the health issues but too.
Never posted before. U made me sign up.

So wrong of them
Your dear 11 year old will be so grateful to have you. It only makes you withdraw from the people who are so negative/not helpful.

‘Don’t speak unless you have something nice to say’

It’s unreal how so many people in life are judged isn't it. I feel for you and feel your rage. Let’s hope they live long enough to be proven so very wrong! These comments only make you stronger/work harder. Turn it around to be a positive. A Mum usually knows best. If only ‘they’d listen’. You needed understanding not to be batted down. Ps I understand the health issues but too.
Never posted before. U made me sign up.

So wrong of them
Your dear 11 year old will be so grateful to have you. It only makes you withdraw from the people who are so negative/not helpful.

‘Don’t speak unless you have something nice to say’ Tell in laws that!

This might be a good time to explain that you don’t have to listen to people who put you down.
I did see quote along the lines of “if the person criticising you isn’t where you want to be, they aren’t worth taking advice from.”

This is really lovely! You are such an important kind and positive influence on your grandchildren. I really wish my child had this from his GPs, but they are sadly just not up to it.

Your MIL is disgusting and her behaviour is abusive. I wouldn’t send my child there anymore. Who says she can’t be an OT, how ridiculous of your MIL. I would go nuts at her if it were me.

It really doesn't matter what DD got in her Sats, GPs should always be supportive and encouraging, she is 11 years old for goodness sake. It's great that she already has this ambition and whether or not it happens years down the line is not the point. Her GPs should be giving her confidence and telling her that she has the ability to achieve her dreams if she really puts her mind to it and telling her how special she is. Not undermining her and upsetting her. Sounds like she has had plenty of trauma in her life and needs family who support and uplift her, not put her down.

I sincerely hope that you're joking about being a teacher. If not, I find it absolutely terrifying that attitudes like yours exist within our children's education system. It would certainly explain why so many disabled (visible & invisible) children are completely failed by schools.

@Getbackinyourlane12

Wow! Those SATS scores, with what your daughter had to battle through, are bloody brilliant... & I know because I'm a Primary School yr6 Teacher!

How a child performs in their SATS is absolutely not an indicator of future academic/career success; your in-laws are mean, ignorant assholes!

Your daughter has grit & determination - that will serve her far better in life that knowing what a fronted adverbial is or how to divide fractions!!

Keep telling her she's awesome & can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. Limit her exposure to her small-minded, cruel grandparents. How dare they crush her spirit like that. 😡🤬

The grandparents can see her next at her university graduation. NC till then.

@Getbackinyourlane12
One good thing about the Occupational Therapy degree is that there is no exams. There are a lot of placement hours. Dd did her placements in a Prison! ,Alzeimers ward, stroke unit, finally a 3 month paediatric unit in Belgium.

Wtaf? Just to give you hope. I am super super clever. Except most of the time you can't tell because I'm also a bit scary. It's only when talking to people (like your mil) I suddenly realise so many other people are not that clever. I wasn't clever until I was about 20. People I went to uni with still can't believe I can do my job because 'you weren't that clever'. Actually they are not that clever. But it literally took my brain 8 years to catch up.
I got 4s and 3s in my sats. Dunno what that means now but it wasn't great then!! My eldest is the same. Getting pigeon holed at 8! She's clever. Just not in the way they want her to be.
Your mil isn't clever if she can't think laterally. She's an academic snob. (And I'm one too but honestly a PhD ain't that hard so get off your high horse!) She can absolutely do this.
I also find when my MIL gets upset at GC not doing as well as her friends - well the ND didn't just come from me and it's your genes too.