In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

[Getbackinyourlane12]

Hi
this is more of a rant than anything else ! In laws have 8 grandchildren and the eldest has just started university ( not my DC )
my eldest has just started secondary school and so a while off yet !
DD was over at grandparents the weekend and came back a little upset questioning me about university and getting upset that she will never be able to be an Occupational therapist.
I asked where this has come from and it turns out during the weekend her cousin was talking about her new life at university and DD took an interest and said she wanted to be an OT. She is 11 so I’m aware this can change 🤣 her nan then went on to tell her that I am not setting her up for the reality of her future. To get in to university you will need to do well in your GCSES for college and then well in your A levels and unfortunately your ability is below that. What ?? She’s 11 😭😭 this has all come about because they are all huge academics and asked daughter when she got her sats results what they were.
not to drip feed there was huge health impacts and other factors than meant her primary education was not your average !
she is now able to attend school more and is a great school with great results for children who need a smaller environment but are academic.
I spoke to the in-laws and the MIL said I was misleading daughter and it was better for me now to work towards more an enable goal and have a plan for her that is realistic and not a pipe dream.

she’s 11 😭she’s a tough cookie and in my opinion extremely smart !

I'll add that the OT degree that my relative did was mainly practical with coursework.

That is such good news!

They sound out of touch and very ill informed. Jealous and a bit thick to be honest

Ignore them. You tell.them too.much.

Good luck to your daughter.

I would go ape shit at this...how dare she .
Just to say though you don't have to go to university to reach a higher level of job it is all changing.
So MIL is full of shit .

My good friend is an OT and believe me she did not have the easiest life at home but she worked hard and got that degree. Good luck little one we’ve got you xx

My friend is an OT, failed exams at school, went to college in her 20s for an access course. All in 5 yes of studying. Worked part time alongside. It's not a horrifically academic course, very hands on.

Gosh
You don't need to be a rocket scientist to do occupational therapy
My niece just qualified and she had average grades.
Anyone that puts in a little effort can go to uni

This is awful OP!

DD should be encouraged to do what she wants to do, it’s a great motivator for her at the start of secondary school - or would be in the absence of this negative attitude.

There will be various support and pathways available to her and she may refine her choices later, but their attitude, writing her ambitions off at 11, is at best misguided and at worst cruel.

At 11 years old she is far too young for anyone to know whether she can attend university or not. Firstly some universities, those not ranked highly require quite low A level results depending on the university and the course. Some universities are ranked highly so much harder to get into. So universities are not impossible to go to even with lower A level results or Btec results.

My daughter found maths hard and struggled but with hard work and determination achieved a grade 7 in her gcses last year. So nothing is impossible and she is still so young!

Encourage her hugely, please. She is capable of whatever she has the ambition to achieve. I speak as someone who has CP myself (spastic diplegia, legs), and who was underestimated a massive amount by a lot of people as I grew up - including professionals - but thankfully NOT by my parents. Who I owe a HUGE amount to for how they brought me up. I did average in school in the end (largely due to sixth form parties, actually!), but I then got 3 degrees, including 2 post grad ones, and offers of 3 PHD scholarships I turned down as I wanted to start working. And then a very successful and satisfying career with a six figure salary after proving my worth.
There were bumps in the road, and a LOT of hard work - don’t get me wrong -, but overall it’s a massive FU to all those (many) people who underestimated me as I grew up along the way.
I wish you and your family all the positive energy and resilience possible.
Please tell your daughter to forget what her grandparents said / assumed.

Your poor DD. If it helps my daughter was a nightmare to homeschool during lockdown and she fell really behind. Even with after school catch up sessions she scraped through her sats by the skin of her teeth.

She’s now 14, exceeding at secondary school and in the grammar stream, working towards A’s in her GCSEs.

The important lesson for your daughter is that you can do anything if you really put your mind to it. Sure some may have to work harder at it than others but it isn’t impossible.

p.s if it were my DD she would not be spending time unsupervised with people who do not want the best for her and can be supportive and encouraging.

Urgh sounds like my grandparents !
Do not pay any attention to them . They obviously have favourites !

That is honestly the most heartbreaking thing I think I’ve read in a long time. Who would say this so directly and so heartlessly to a bloody 11 year old?! How about helping her gain the skills needed so that she can achieve whatever her dreams are. Sounds like she’s more in to knocking her grandchild down than building her up! Just terrible!

My youngest is autistic and has high support needs. Will he ever hold down a job? Quite likely not, but if anyone ever even dared say anything of the sort they’d be met with a tongue lashing from me too! It’s no one’s business what they think anyone is capable of, is it and especially not at 11! It’s not her job to set your child straight. She needs to learn to keep her mouth shut! Some ppl honestly.

That's such a great ambition, OP - presumably shaped by her own experience? Whatever career direction she ultimately chooses, there's plenty of time to catch up and, even if she ends up needing a bit longer because of her difficult start, there's no law that says you have to sit GCSEs at 16 or go to uni at 18. It really hacks me off when adults (particularly family members or teachers) set out to crush a young person's dreams, especially when such dreams are, or appear to be - as in this case - perfectly achievable with hard work and determination. Teachers telling my DD - now a successful veterinary surgeon - that she'd never get into vet school made her all the more determined to prove them wrong ... suggest your DD also uses this approach with MIL, who appears to be talking out of her posterior.

What an exceptional girl you have. She sounds resilient, strong, brave and so bright to have attained what she did. I’m so angry on both of your behalf’s that after everything she has been through she has to deal with such bile and ignorance from her own Grandmother.

Your daughter can do anything she puts her mind to, body willing. For me, this would be the hardline with your in law and they would be left in no uncertain terms as to what will happen if they try and tear your daughter down again. How dare they.

There's very little to say that hasn't already been said but this made me so angry I had to comment. Your DD obviously has a lot of life to live before she has to make a decision but if she does become an OT or go into a similar profession she'll be able to use her experience of being a patient to great effect - empathy with patients, understanding of what an MDT does, etc. These things are far more important than SATs results (a laughable thing to focus on). Your MIL is clearly feeling threatened because your DD might end up achieving through a different route than the one she favours. I'm so glad your DD has you.

Well she's beaten worse odds than that already hasn't she? I'm sure she can beat a few more. Her grandparents should keep their defeatism to themselves.

Sorry but I would tell MIL if she used her tongue to talk that trash again to my baby I would remove it from her mouth to solve the problem.

Instead of to see if she has connections in that field she could introduce to her grand-baby, buy gifts around the subject or offer to help with a tutor if your baby needs more academic support, she’s crushing her dream, no doubt because she’s projecting an experience of having her own confidence knocked as a child.

I’m gobsmacked that you DD’s own grandmother could throw such a massive bucket of cold water on her dreams. You can only put this down to a very limited world view and a lack of sensitivity. I know you’re going to ensure that your daughter knows you think what her grandma said is a huge pile of rubbish OP xx

Your dd sounds amazing.

I went to uni to annoy family members who said that I couldn’t. It still feels good.

My daughter didn't do well in her SATs. She has dyspraxia and ADHD (undiagnosed at the time). Her primary school did not support her well, and I picked a secondary school with great SEN support, and she flourished, gaining great GCSE and A-level results.
My MIL was always comparing her with her cousins, saying they were much brighter and more academic than her. She's now in her 30s, has two degrees and a professional career, and is now doing a PhD...and the cousins? One went to University and dropped out, the others didn't go! They are happy and doing well in life, but I know it still upsets my SIL and MIL!
Don't take any notice of your MIL. You are doing the right thing by your daughter in encouraging and supporting her in her dreams. Those SATs results are amazing considering the challenges she has faced.

Your DD should never be there unsupervised ever again.
Her grandma is the last person she should expect this kind of negativity from!

Here in Ireland we have DARE..disability access route to education where students get into college with less points due to disabilities, high absentees due to illness, diabetes, dyslexia etc. They then get continuous support at third level to get them through. Is there anything like that in the UK?
Having said that l mostly worked as a teacher with children with dyslexia and other struggles and found them to have more determination and resilience than any other children l taught. That stands to them for life. They are fighters and your dd has already shown this trait.
Its wonderful for any child to have dreams and goals and for someone to squash them is unforgivable. We can presume..l take it..that Grandma has never been to university herself!!!

Please encourage your daughter to pursue her dream. As a retired OT I can tell her it is a fabulously satisfying job with so many areas to choose as a specialism, and many transferable skills. It is a very practical course and has work placements if she doesn't want to go straight from school it is a course that can be accessed at a later date (I was 40 when I enrolled and a third of the cohort were mature students) there was also a facility to do an access course route. Common sense and life experience is a great advantage! It sounds like her grandparents are ill informed. Also there was a world shortage of OTs not so long ago giving great opportunities for emigration. You could get more information from your nearest OT college.