In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

[Getbackinyourlane12]

Hi
this is more of a rant than anything else ! In laws have 8 grandchildren and the eldest has just started university ( not my DC )
my eldest has just started secondary school and so a while off yet !
DD was over at grandparents the weekend and came back a little upset questioning me about university and getting upset that she will never be able to be an Occupational therapist.
I asked where this has come from and it turns out during the weekend her cousin was talking about her new life at university and DD took an interest and said she wanted to be an OT. She is 11 so I’m aware this can change 🤣 her nan then went on to tell her that I am not setting her up for the reality of her future. To get in to university you will need to do well in your GCSES for college and then well in your A levels and unfortunately your ability is below that. What ?? She’s 11 😭😭 this has all come about because they are all huge academics and asked daughter when she got her sats results what they were.
not to drip feed there was huge health impacts and other factors than meant her primary education was not your average !
she is now able to attend school more and is a great school with great results for children who need a smaller environment but are academic.
I spoke to the in-laws and the MIL said I was misleading daughter and it was better for me now to work towards more an enable goal and have a plan for her that is realistic and not a pipe dream.

she’s 11 😭she’s a tough cookie and in my opinion extremely smart !

No more going to Grandma’s house unsupervised.

Your poor DD. Lots changes about who is “clever” during the secondary years. It’s all to play for and you are absolutely right to encourage your DD to go for her goals.

What did your DH say?

That is outrageous. She wouldn’t be going back there again if that was me.

Unless your MIL is a university admissions tutor she knows the sum total of diddly-squat about the matter.

I'd be cutting contact if I were you. Maybe every other Xmas and significant birthdays.

How much do the in-laws know about university entry requirements these days? I know a girl who barely scraped through SATs and GCSEs, she got Ds and Es at A level and now has a first class law degree. Crap uni but that first class degree can’t be taken away from her.

I mean she won’t be going back for weekends and unsupervised!
I am so mad and I have Completely lost it with them.
I am not delusional and I am aware of the education system and I know maybe along the line there could be factors than mean we need to find another route but currently I don’t think there is anything to say her pathway is not correct.

Whilst it wasn’t her GMs place to speak so harshly to your DD, might she actually have a point? You say she has had issues with her health - has this impacted on her attendance significantly, meaning she has missed lots of learning? If that’s the case, what steps have been taken to close those gaps? I’m assuming that her SATs results were low - what has her secondary school said about her progress so far?
If she has a desire to go to Uni (and to be an OT it’s a very academic degree) look at what needs to be put in place now to make that wish a real possibility.

I’d be speaking my mind very clearly with the GPs

I would be reminding MIL that you don’t have to do A Levels to get into University. Neither of my two did, eldest went to a good one and youngest is currently in a bloody good one.

Yes daughter did not get all above 100 and sats but she did spend primary school battling a organ failure requiring transplant she also has CP.
her attendance as you can imagine was fairly non existent.

That is so mean. Imagine writing an 11 year old off like that, and to her face!?! In your shoes I wouldn’t send my dd back to MIL’s unsupervised. And I would address the comments with her. Does your dh know what his mother said?

My younger granddaughter is quite badly dyslexic, struggled at school, but, with support she got A, B,B at A level, and is going to Bristol next September. Ignore your ignorant MIL.

She scord 98 99 and 107 with an attendance of 20 percent in year 4,5 and 6

Your MIL is working to destroy your daughter's self confidence and dreams. You need to speak with your husband ASAP and keep your daughter no contact with MIL until you come up with a plan to handle your MIL. You might have to keep her away permanently because this is a Big Deal. Is MIL playing favorites?

I think you're a great mum who has supported your DD in her ill health and stood up for her against these dismissive and interfering relatives.

I would though, try to laugh it off now, tell her she can do whatever she sets her mind to doing, and help her but don't let this cast a shadow.

(and she absolutely CAN do whatever she sets her mind to doing)

What a nasty uncalled for thing to say to your 11 year old! What has your husband/partner said to his mother? I’d be bloody fuming!

Poor child to be even thinking about anything else other than having fun at 11. Grandma sounds like a bitch.

Typically asks for 3 x Bs - high enough but not what I’d call VERY academic. BTEC DDM also fine.

How is she doing at school now ?
Do you think she is academically able enough to go to university?
I'm asking because my own son struggled, massively throughout, school and he then got critically ill in year 11,he was never going to get great GCSE,s but that didn't help
However university isn't the be all and end all and pursuing an apprenticeship at college

I’m aware that 99 and 98 are not “ met “ but she wasn’t far off considering.

she had bed side learning when she could. She has always loved reading so that helped with that side of things.
maths she is good at but didn’t quite meet met as there was gaps. What she has learned she knows it’s just at the point of catching up now. She is now in a small school with small classes and interventions but full mainstream education.

With those results, determination, and barring any other health issues, she’ll be absolutely fine.

I’d be furious with MIL.

If they're anything like my academic exPIL's they are trying a bit of reverse psychology thinking it will motivate. Or they feel jealous and threatened by everyone.

Just ignore them and keep doing what you're doing. If your child wants to be an OT, there is no reasons she can't be one.

That really does depend tbf ,university doesn't suit everyone and that's fine.

I should add I do not care if she goes to university or not. She is her own person and I will support her in whatever she chooses to do but I think it was still unkind to basically rule one out at 11 !

You know what? Even if your daughter does fail her GCSEs or A-Levels, there is more than one pathway into university. Many universities and colleges offer adult pathway courses/foundation degrees for older students. And the advantage of being a slightly older student is significant. Tell her to never give up on her goals.

With 20% attendance this is brilliant!
Onwards and upwards.
GM needs to do one, she should be championing DD.
I'd be furious.