In laws telling DD she would never make it to university.

[Getbackinyourlane12]

Hi
this is more of a rant than anything else ! In laws have 8 grandchildren and the eldest has just started university ( not my DC )
my eldest has just started secondary school and so a while off yet !
DD was over at grandparents the weekend and came back a little upset questioning me about university and getting upset that she will never be able to be an Occupational therapist.
I asked where this has come from and it turns out during the weekend her cousin was talking about her new life at university and DD took an interest and said she wanted to be an OT. She is 11 so I’m aware this can change 🤣 her nan then went on to tell her that I am not setting her up for the reality of her future. To get in to university you will need to do well in your GCSES for college and then well in your A levels and unfortunately your ability is below that. What ?? She’s 11 😭😭 this has all come about because they are all huge academics and asked daughter when she got her sats results what they were.
not to drip feed there was huge health impacts and other factors than meant her primary education was not your average !
she is now able to attend school more and is a great school with great results for children who need a smaller environment but are academic.
I spoke to the in-laws and the MIL said I was misleading daughter and it was better for me now to work towards more an enable goal and have a plan for her that is realistic and not a pipe dream.

she’s 11 😭she’s a tough cookie and in my opinion extremely smart !

What happened to grandparents telling their grandchildren, they can achieve & be anything they want to be ?

I would be livid. How dare she burst a young girl’s dreams. My DD was a slow burner struggled a little at primary school but towards the end of secondary started to pick up. College she blossomed and university excelled. Honestly, her grandma should be ashamed of herself.

Don’t worry! It sounds as though your DD will be perfectly able to catch up. Mine (ND) did not do well at her Y6 SATs, as she had a very developmentally delayed and traumatic first year or two of life. Different reasons to you, but similar outcome. She now attends a small, mainstream Secondary and we have gone from a philosophical “she will do as well as she is able” to her now, in Y10, being predicted good grades across the board for GCSEs (grades 6/7 and above). She is also looking towards uni, although I realise we have another 4 years before that happens.

Your DD sounds resilient and determined. AIM high, and if you miss, you will still be ahead of those who aim low.

Her GPs are wrong, unfair and unkind. Good luck to her. She will succeed at life. xx

You and your daughter both sound amazing. MIL sounds like a horrible unloving woman who cares more about how it sounds when she has to tell her horrible judgemental friends which schools her grandchildren go to, than she cares about the grandchildren themselves. I would totally sack her off, she doesn't deserve the privilege of spending time with your brilliant daughter.

All the signs are already in place that she's going to do brilliantly in whatever career path she decides to pursue. She has already, hugely, demonstrated that she can overcome adversity. She's clearly a "star", but you already know that.

Distance yourself from that dissing DGM. She can go whistle. Sounds like she's a "best to be avoided".
Your DD has a great future. All power to her.

Love and Power!

Meh - if you make it into a big deal she might think there's some truth to it. If you laugh it off she'll do the same. Also your daughter sounds amazing - I work with children with organ failure/transplant and the impact it has on them is hugely underestimated. They feel like rubbish a lot of the time & actually just attending school/learning at home/hospital is a huge achievement for them. Your daughter can do whatever she sets her mind to I'm sure - I would be having a word with grandma not to put any limitations on her, she probably wont take it to heart if you don't but it's not kind to say it regardless.

You are a teacher who does not have reading comprehension, a D- for you

Completely agree that your MIL is wrong and your DD has already shown enormous progress and resilience.

The only thing about her SATS scores that are interesting now is an analysis of where she made mistakes etc., as that can give clues about where her knowledge gaps are, and what she could/should go over. That might help her.

All the best for your family!

This is disgraceful! She can absolutely go to university. Even if her grades didn’t go to plan she can do a foundation course. This was such a terrible thing to say to her anyway, talk about knocking her confidence. I would seriously be having words.

My friends DD wasn't diagnosed with dysbraxia until she was 14yo and she struggled hugely. They knew she was bright, but it wasn't translating into exam results.

After diagnosis she was given the right tools and was able to show her capability and got a scholarship at the best A level college in UK and went to Oxford.

Noone knows what the capabities of an 11yo are. Your IL's are OOO and arrogant if they think they can determine your DDs success in education based on a few years of school accompanied by ill health.

Vile, vile behaviour. Especially after knowing what she’s been through, poor girl.

I’d be EXTREMELY CROSS at this

What an absolute arsehole!
Sats mean nothing. They are merely for schools to peacock about data.
No more unsupervised visits to granny's house!
If the want is there, she'll obtain her dreams! All the best to your daughter and her future as an OT.
Also, as your MIL has demonstrated, a degree doesn't make you a decent person.

Absolutely. A completely different set of circumstances, but my youngest DS is severely dyslexic. He struggled with Sats. He definitely didn’t reach any where near the level he should have been at. He received specialist input at secondary school, is now in his second year at university. He is thriving.

I haven’t RTFT but feel compelled to respond…

OT is about doing and enabling doing - not everyone even knows what an OT is.

I imagine maybe your daughter knows or has come into contact with an OT that has inspired or helped her.

Lived experience of disability, difference or difficulties is immensely powerful for an aspiring OT to appreciate and while the course is tough being determined is a big factor.

OT apprenticeships are really taking off and from what I have seen student support at universities is improving year on year.

Also OT’s who teach students are incredibly inspiring and go the extra mile to support their students through the challenges they will face.

OT roles are varied and diverse and their are many areas to work in.

If being an OT is what your daughter wants - she has got this or anything else she wants to set her mind to… the OT profession will be lucky to have her if that’s what she chooses to do in the future x

Not read any reply’s but did want to put this as some sort of reassurance for your daughter

I had a lot of health issues and was school avoidant. I got 2 gcse and struggled massive. In my late teens I ended up doing something called an access course which I did very well in and got into my first choice university. I ended up with a 2.1 degree in journalism.

i was also told that I wouldn’t go anywhere etc. please don’t let this bring your daughter down. Anything is possible with hard work and determination.

What a bitch? Even if your DD was unlikely to make it as an OT you would never ever say that to an 11yo. And besides, at individual level SATs are not relevant by A level. My DS ‘failed’ his SATs and is expected to achieve A*A and a B at A level this year. Progress isn’t linear, and general trends don’t dictate individual results.

What absolute twats. SATs do not determine your future academic success or otherwise. Some kids are slow burners. Some kids like your DD miss out on chunks of their education for health or other reasons. Should we then just write these children off and crush their ambitions? It can be so hard to counter a negative remark like that. All you can do is tell her straight - grandma is talking absolute rubbish. You are amazing and will continue to be amazing.

the thing is that their negativity might have already seeped into her brain and affected her confidence. You will have to really encourage her. I hate this thing of writing kids off when they are so young because of SATS and GCSE results. And if your DC had health issues she will have got a little behind. Keep them away from her in future. You PILs may have academic qualifications, but they are idiots.

Asides from PIL being completely hurtful and rude at such a young age... If she does continue to want to be an OT there are also OT apprenticeships now through workplace. Also OT training tends to attract alot of mature students (doesn't mean can't do it at 18) but on my training lots of people came from different backgrounds/ academic history etc but with time and experience it's always an option in the future even if she doesn't immediately get the qualifications needed at 16/18. I'm assuming she has had OT input herself with her medical history as not many young people know about OT and her personal experience and motivation will also be of Great help to her in the future too. Good luck to her and I hope she achieves it in years to come!

I don't even remember what DD got for his Sats because I did not give a hoot. Probably they weren't amazing but I thought he was too young to put pressure on him with exams that become irrelevant as the child grows up and matures. Fast forward and he is on his final year at a Russell Group university. Keep your DD away from toxic GP.

Exactly. Whilst most certainly the grandparents were out of order, it is a point to ponder upon.
At 10 years old I knew I wanted to be a teacher.
I also knew that if I did not get to grammar school I would not be able to take O Levels
Without O Levels I could not go to Teacher Training College. As it was I got a couple of A levels as well and was allowed to follow the B Ed. Course when I arrived there.
My teacher when I was 10/11 told my mum I would not get to grammar school and mum told me. That really made me more determined and I worked hard on progress papers leading up to the 11+, so much so that I passed.
My younger sister, by a year, did not have the chance of taking the 11+ because in Hampshire my year group was the last to do so.
She went to the secondary modern, due to her teacher's assessment of her ability, where she took CSEs but missed out on the opportunities my older sister and I had.

OP , look at what you can do now to help your daughter pursue her dreams.

Don't sweat it. From memory DS got 89 in his maths SATs. They weren't even going to put him in for it as they thought he wouldn't even score. It was such a win for all of us. One person's failure is another person's success. He has severe dyslexia and dyscalculia, and missed a lot of infant school and chunks of primary due to illness. But with the right support and hard work, he got a 5 in his GCSE maths (his lowest grade) and is now happily doing 3 A-levels and looking at universities. Despite my faith in him, it is hard to stay confident sometimes when schools/ others are throwing low expectations your way. Your DD will do just fine. x

Firstly you sound fiercely proud of your daughter and so you should because overcoming anything medical is a big deal. She has had setbacks but with an amazingly understanding mum on her side she can achieve what she wants.
I have a parent like your mil. I was an overachiever but I am a huge disappointment to my dad because I chose having a family over the big career he wanted for me. I don’t appear on his social media and there isn’t a picture of me in his house. He didn’t even go to uni and isn’t very intelligent but I did and chose family so I’m not important but his views still bother me even though my mum had always been so supportive of me and proud. By the way I’m now a single mum to my four girls, survived domestic abuse and do a job that I truly love. I’m bloody proud of myself but he will never be.

my eldest couldn’t speak until she was four and couldn’t read or write properly until year 5. She’s now top set and acing school but struggles socially. She will go to uni but I worry about her getting on in life. My second needed ELSA because she was so shy no one could hear her and she wasn’t academic but she has just started year 7 in a school I would never have picked but she felt at home there. Oh my god you wouldn’t believe the change in her. She is also in the top set now and wins awards and helps other students. You cannot know how a child will cope and adapt at such a young age. It can be genuinely so amazing to watch but I think having a very proud and supportive parent does so much and you sound exactly that. My third isn’t academic at all. She’s blonde in the stereotypical sense. Actually blonde. Doesn’t care about learning. All over the place and ditzy. My dad doesn’t give her the time of day. Actually shuns her and has a go. But she’s actually more clued up in life than anyone I know. She loves shopping but she’s good with money. She’s kind and generous. She’s so sociable and life smart. She will go far just by being the wonderful person that she is. My fourth is still a baby but a know it all and very intelligent. She is also social so I don’t worry much about her. Sorry my point is that academics arent always a given. Sometimes it comes later. Sometimes a school or a teacher is all it takes to turn it around. Sometimes the least likely will succeed more than the likely. And everytime it takes a brilliant mum like you to help them be whatever they want to be and be proud of them no matter what. Sod being academic. Every single one of my friends went to uni and not one of them has a good job and I’m the only one who chose to have a family. So many professionals got there after being inspired by someone who helped them. Doctors are doctors because they were sick kids and doctors helped them. It happens and it’s a bloody good reason to choose a career. Good luck to her and I bet with you on her side she will be happy.

I lived in a borough that had and still has the 11plus exam to get into grammar school. My primary school teacher told my parents to forget it. 49 years later I have 2 BA degrees, a CELTA which is a degree level qualification, a PGCE and a masters degree. I teach part time a 3 universities. No one has any idea how a child will bloom. Tell your daughter to aim high. Self-belief works !!!