To be upset that my partner 'almost pulled'

[FierceForester90]

I have been in a relationship wuth a guy for just over 2 years. Its not the easiest as we are long distance and we are both going through divorces while trying to sell our houses.
On Friday night he went out with friends, he messaged yesterday morning to say he had been out until 5am. I jokingly asked if he had pulled and his response was:
'No but I almost did, got dancing with a very attractive lady. I think she would have kissed me had I let her but I thought better of it as my mates were there. Didn't even get her number'
AIBU to feel upset by this? I asked if that was the only reason and he then said 'OK no it wasn't' but by that point I was quite angry. I said that had he kissed her and swapped numbers that would have showed the intention to form a connection and his only response was 'but I didn't do it did I'.
I don't understand if he just worded the message badly but he seems angry at me for being upset about it. Am I being unreasonable? Its made me feel quite hurt and disrespected.

I would find this very disrespectful.

And he told you that?

forget about him quickly!

Next!

“As my mates were there” is the bit that makes it weird af.

Bin

Your message to him sounded matey .... friendzone .... not relationship (did you pull?)

His response to you sounded matey ...... friendzone....... not relationship (I almost pulled but for mates being with me)

None of those messages sound like a committed serious relationship between you. The messages do not tally up with selling houses to combine your lives. Something is very off. It does not seem like a committed exclusive mature relationship.

This cheat kept his mouth shut. But didn't comment when he thought his wife was doing the same.

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about here

But of course OP has no idea what happened between her partner and this " attractive woman " he says he was dancing with until 5 in the morning. Because she wasn't there.

What a fucker. Such threads remind me why I’m single. Maybe my bullshit threshold is too low but I would end it purely on the fact he was dancing with another woman.

I would have blocked him on the spot and left him hanging. Been there, done that.

Let me guess he’s either short or not the best looking? Handsome men don’t need to brag or neg. It’s the ones with low self esteem that feel the need to prove other woman find them attractive.

Even on the off chance he just lacks emotional intelligence and didn't mean it in malice, that would be enough for me to not want to continue a relationship.

Maybe he did worse but he's trying to clear his conscience by telling you a tamed-down version of events

Ah , bit harsh I think “ laughing with his mates at OP “ ..
I think maybe he just doesn’t view relationship as serious as OP thought ..
Also , I’m pretty sure he likes her ..
They need to talk ..

I'd be very hurt by that response but honestly have never asked my partner that question. I wouldn't expect he would do that to me on a night out with mates. I get the impression you are not on the same page. I hope you find someone that makes you happy and not second guessing your relationship.

What do you think the nature of your "relationship" is? Sounds like you and he see it differently.

I would not even be impressed by dancing with another woman.

I'd rather be alone (and I am) than be with a disrespectful twit like this. I feel like he was bragging or trying to push your buttons by even mentioning it to you.

Sorry but you have to take some responsibility for entertaining this and continuing to be in a relationship with such a man. Even the fact you still refer to him as a “partner” says a lot about you.

I reckon he didnt mean it and it was in retaliation to your question, maybe it hit a nerve? But the fact he is now ignoring your messages is bad news. Hes playing games, u dont need that shit.

This. Ew. How thick is he to not realise how bad that sounds?! Or he doesn't care. Both are bad and I wouldn't want to waste any more time on this "man".

That’s not a relationship.

You can do so much better. I think I’d rather be single that put up with that behaviour from a man. Major ick!
When he goes out next time will you be anxious or paranoid about what he may be up to? If yes, I’d get shot of him before you get in too deep.

Unless this was obviously tongue in cheek (no pun intended) which you would have got after a 2 year relationship - I would consider he isn’t monogamous.

Did he realise he was replying to you do you think?

Get away from him. An ex of mine did this as a way of keeping me just insecure enough to remain on the back foot.

Bit of an odd question for an adult to ask another if you think you are in a mature grown up relationship

Was this supposed to be some kind of really bad joke to wind you up?

If not, then you definitely are not in a relationship!

In my experience of ADHD and people living with ADHD, we don't need to have things explained to us slowly.... We're not foreign or retarded.
Different wording helps or trying different scenarios yes if we don't understand something straight away.

OP I think you should swerve this for a relationship closer to home

Thanks all for your input. We spoke yesterday but it was all very defensive from him. He admitted it had been a stupid and thoughtless comment but couldn't understand why I had been so upset about it. It was literally like he just wanted to forget it and move on and that I was just telling him off.

I have been wondering for a while now if this is the right place for me to be and I feel it prpbabaly isn't anymore.