To be upset that my partner 'almost pulled'

[FierceForester90]

I have been in a relationship wuth a guy for just over 2 years. Its not the easiest as we are long distance and we are both going through divorces while trying to sell our houses.
On Friday night he went out with friends, he messaged yesterday morning to say he had been out until 5am. I jokingly asked if he had pulled and his response was:
'No but I almost did, got dancing with a very attractive lady. I think she would have kissed me had I let her but I thought better of it as my mates were there. Didn't even get her number'
AIBU to feel upset by this? I asked if that was the only reason and he then said 'OK no it wasn't' but by that point I was quite angry. I said that had he kissed her and swapped numbers that would have showed the intention to form a connection and his only response was 'but I didn't do it did I'.
I don't understand if he just worded the message badly but he seems angry at me for being upset about it. Am I being unreasonable? Its made me feel quite hurt and disrespected.

If he’s sending you a text like that then he’s not your boyfriend and certainly not in a committed relationship with you.

Is he winding you up? Might be the kind of come back I'd have if my DH said something as stupid as "did you pull?" I think it's either that or you're not actually in a relationship in his eyes, more friends with benefits. This isn't the kind of thing someone would seriously say if they were in a relationship.

It doesn't sound like you're in a relationship

I don’t think he wants to be with you, sorry.

He doesn't think your relationship is as serious as you do. He speaks to you like you're one of his mates and not his partner or girlfriend.

Dump because he's clearly testing you.

The test is: will she dump me for being unreasonable?

If you answer yes, you save yourself years of heartbreak.

If you answer no, je knows you're prime victim material and worth stringing along until he's bored.

I think he's negging you.

Oh darling. I didnt realise you wanted an open relationsship Why didnt you say

Would have used inverted commas but parts of my keyboard arent working properly.

TMI from him for me.

Why not just "no, of course not".

Stupid question, stupid response.

I appreciate it was a stupid question. There was probabaly an undertone to it because where would you be until 5am? I know for a fact the answer was not a joke or fireback, he has ADHD and can be quite blunt at times. I wouldn't have been upset if he had explained what happened and just said it didn't go any further. To say it only didn't because his mates were there and he didn't even get her number was a lot for me to hear.

His reaction was to be angry at me for expressibg how I felt about what he said. He hasnt spoken to me or read any of my messages since yesterday afternoon.

Was he being sarky?

Answer your own question, is someone else had written your post what would your advice be?

it’s pretty clear to me, you are worth so much more than this guy. Anybody who doesn’t see you as amazing and wouldn’t say things to hurt you is a keeper, this guy ain’t!

There could be several things going on here…

You’ve not been clear in your question to him, he might feel unsettled by the fact you’ve asked if he pulled, as if that’s acceptable for either of you in your relationship when he actually didn’t think it was and has not known how to respond other than go along with the joke. You say you were clearly joking because of all the laughing emojis but that doesn’t un-ask the question or make it explicit that you weren’t serious in any way.

he could have a different perception of your relationship and think you’re not exclusive

he could be a complete twat and cheats often and got caught on it and is trying to low key it as a cover up

he could have text when he was still drunk / high etc and tried to make a joke that didn’t land

or something else and essentially you won’t know if it’s any or none unless you speak to him openly about how you’re feeling and find out what’s going on

If he's got ADHD then you probably need to clearly explain to him that he's in a relationship with you. It doesn't sound like he realises he is

He’s shown you who he is. He’s shown you what he thinks about your relationship.

Now it’s up to you to decide if it’s what you want.

I know loads of people with ADHD. They don’t need something like this explained ffs

You were joking, so was he

It's actually a common aspect of ADHD - they're not listening or attentive to something else when something is discussed with them. As the OP says, one symptom of this man's ADHD is his bluntness, which is usually a response to the frustration they feel and not grasping the situation properly with the ADHD mind - the solution is to explain things more clearly (and slowly if possible)

He's an arsehole and sounds nasty.
Be glad you know.

Having ADHD is no reason to treat your partner with such blatant disrespect.

That is based on what? Your opinion? Research? This cheat kept his mouth shut. But didn't comment when he thought his wife was doing the same.

Only read OP atm.

It would be over for me as he cares more about how his friends would see him if he kissed her, than the fact he would have cheated on you.

Nope. Life is too long for this shit.

God let this one go, he is cheater in the making.