To expect Sunday Dinner as the agreement?

[TipJarTroubadours]

Small details changed but the short of it is:

1. We allow people to stay in self contained accommodation for 'free'
2. The only 'cost' is attendance to Sunday dinner
3. Aibu to refuse to let someone stay (or charge them market rent) if they don't attend dinner

The long of it is

DH and I own a residential static caravan site. It has been in DH family a long time. It has great transport links to a major city.

We allow close family/friends to stay rent free whilst they attend uni in the city/start a new job. We have had 15 different people over the years, some for six months, the longest five years.

Currently house DS and nephew who are both at uni and DHs best friends daughter and her partner who has just started an apprenticeship. All four attend Sunday dinner, as have the 15 beforehand.

(For those that are interested, I cook the meal and then they take turns to make/buy a pudding and wash up (most goes in the dishwasher) I have had one with severe allergies who used to bring their own food, and one that was fussy so I used to make them beans on toast every Sunday. )

My sister's son has been living with us since September, I was very clear on the rules- it might seem odd but for a 10k saving a year I expect attendance at one meal a week.- they both knew about this.
Since starting he has attended one, preferring to go to the pub/gym/game on a Sunday. It has been raised with him and we have said if he doesn't attend then we will charge him rent (we have other uni students renting although they are all mature)

I have gone to my parents for half term and have just met my sister and told her the same. My parents and her think I am completely unreasonable to ask him to attend Sunday dinner, I think they are completely unreasonable to expect me to house him for free after agreeing to my rules ( there are costs involved for me, utilities etc plus not being able to rent it out)

I've said he has to attend tomorrow or I will bill them from now until Christmas and if it isn't paid will evict at Christmas.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation? (I don't think I am, even if expecting to attend dinner is unreasonable, he has agreed to the terms, he could have just rented halls)

Nope.

you’ve made the deal clear.

This is so weird. You can agree whatever you want I guess but I wouldn't want people to come to my house for dinner because they were being forced to on pain of eviction.

I would invite them and be happy if they attended.

If he's working and has only weekends off, one (long, busy) family meal takes up quite a lot of what might be his friends' only time off.

YANBU if that is the agreement and they knew that prior to moving in, but it does seem a bit odd and controlling.

Why is this so important to you? Would compromising with one meal a week rather than a specific day/time be a way forward?

Your property, your (very weird) rules

Very weird.

But no, I suppose it isn't unreasonable to expect people to do something if they agreed to.

Yes you are plus it's very weird.

are you Emily Gilmore?

Weirdly controlling. Actually quite disturbing.

Alright Emily Gilmore. What an odd rule.

It's a really stupid expectation imo, but it's entirely up to you if you let him stay or not.

Rent it out then!

You're being really weird over the sunday dinner! Its weird and controlling.

Honestly think I’d be much more inclined to attend Sunday dinner if it wasn’t a stipulated requirement…

I mean - this is batshit but if they’re the terms that they signed up for, them’s the breaks 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why do you have this stipulation?

Why are bribing ppl to come to dinner? It’s very very controlling and strange. Honestly I’d focus on making sure you enjoy Sunday dinner with only the ppl who want to be there and maybe ask a close friend to give you feedback on the controlling behavior?

Chiming in with everyone else, you set the (weird controlling) rules and they agreed. He had broken the rules - charge or evict as you see fit.

I don't mind people thinking they are weird rules.

I also understand why someone wouldn't want to stay under those rules, and those people are more than welcome to privately rent somewhere else.

Why are you so desperate to force people to eat Sunday dinner with you?

Charge them something small instead. Unless your "rule" is designed as a disincentive to stay in the van (wink).

You're not unreasonable at all to expect him to comply with rules he agreed to.

Yet I wonder why attendance at Sunday lunch is the thing you insist on, it seems quite odd. I'd understand it more if you'd made something like mowing some grass or a practical thing a condition of living there and they weren't doing it.
Why does it matter so much that they go for Sunday lunch?

This!
I genuinely don’t get it OP. Can you explain?

Why did you post on here?

Of course it's up to you and your husband who lives on your husband's caravan park. Noone is going to disagree with that.

But your rules are weird and you're risking a good relationship with your nephew and your sister over some weird desire to force people to eat dinner with you.

Do you like the idea of being the family matriarch too much, perhaps?

Utterly bizarre rule, but they are your rules I suppose. I'd just let your nephew know that you will be charging him £X from X date as you gather he does not want to attend the Sunday dinner, I wouldn't evict him.

Your lovely for letting them live rent free, if you said they had to take turns cutting the grass or washing your car I’d say thats fair, but you can’t force people to come to you for dinner because you want them to. Id suggest you just make them pay rent so they aren’t beholden to your demands

It’s a really really weird rule op. Deeply weird. Surely you want him to come because he wants a nice lunch with his aunty. Not because his aunt will evict him if he doesn’t.

If you were my sister I’d tell you to shove your caravan up your arse to be honest.

If he comes tomorrow I expect you’ll be able to cut the atmosphere with a knife.