To think women have double standards

[Scottishlass10]

DH & I were travelling by train and there was a group of women sitting across from us. If men discussed women the way they talked about men the men would be accused of misogyny. Later on DH said and I agree, that some women think it’s unacceptable to be objectified and spoken about in a sexual way but it’s ok for men to be treated like that and there certainly is double standards.

I think both men and women have double standards.

How do you know the women having the conversation don't think it's fine for men to talk like that too?

Agree with pp, perhaps those particular women think it's fine for men to be the same. Did you ask them?

So you were listening in to a private conversation and came up with "double standards" ?

They didn’t judging by some of the comments they made about how men judge women on how they look etc. I wasn’t earwigging they were just talking very loudly.

I always think with these types of posts that there is some confusion about what ‘double standards’ and ‘hypocritical’ means

Some people are just dicks, men and women.

I wasn’t listening. When they are talking at the top of their voices in a quite coach it’s a bit difficult not to overhear,

“Yes. There probably is a double standard. But it’s probably based on the fact that men commit 98% of sex crimes.”

Is what I’d have told my husband.

Men and women will talk inappropriately between each other, doesn't make it right but I don't think in this situation it is double standards, it is women talking loudly and inappropriately if it was men i would think the same.,

Do you ever travel by train?

It's very usually the case that it's impossible not to listen in to " private" conversations. Especially when conducted by a group of people as opposed to a tete a tete.

I agree with @PiccadillyPurple
that women who talk in a derogatory way about men think that its a normal way to talk about the opposite sex and that men talking about women in the same way is just as acceptable.

Personally my view of feminism was always that it's aim was to give women equal status in society and it makes me sad to see how many women have seen it as the opportunity to embrace their right to adopt all the worst traits of men's behaviour.

I agree that women do sometimes objectify men. IME the language used by (some) men about women is far worse though (especially online).

Men also have those conversations

YANBU. And you're brave for two reasons:

1. Noticing.
2. Posting on here about it of all places.

Indeed. Out of all the conversations I have heard out and about, I have heard far more derogatory and sexist conversations by men than by women....

Ha, I’ve broad shoulders 😂

Women then don't have the power to go and commit acts against men. Men who gather and egg each other on have been then shown to commit sexual or violent crimes. Men who listen to Andrew Tate, Men who was extreme porn is always a factor in crimes against women. Women generally have more empathy and many are the household managers, so that pulls us back. We can have a moan without taking that out on the men were encounter and the men in our lives.

I don’t know how to explain my thoughts very well but both men and women have these conversations and always have done you have no idea if the women you over heard would be outraged if they over heard men talking that way so how do you know they have double standards?

Of course they do. Personally I think it’s human nature, We all look at the menu so to speak.

I think it’s a bit odd to overhear a small group of people and make generalisations about how 50% of the population think as a whole.

If they were talking about how they don’t believe in climate change, would you make the assumption that all women are climate change deniers?

Some people are judgemental arseholes, as these women and you and your husband have demonstrated.

YABU to think that all women have or do anything on the basis of what a small group has done

But the difference is- men's thoughts about objectifying women taken to its extreme conclusion results in rape and violent crime. If objectification of either gender was equally as bad then surely the crime stats wouldn't show its men doing all the violent crime. You cannot ignore this.

I see your point, I tried to edit my title to say some women but couldn’t. Of course it’s unreasonable to tar everyone with the same brush,

Came on to say this.

There seems to be a far higher expectation of women than there is for men. Men have always have the “boys will be boys.” The second a woman or group of women say anything a man will grab onto that. In this case the op was more than ready to agree.

Women have been treated as lesser beings by men for pretty much the whole of history, so it isn’t the same thing at all. It’s akin to accusing ethnic minorities of racism against white people - women are oppressed and men are the oppressor.