To think women have double standards

[Scottishlass10]

DH & I were travelling by train and there was a group of women sitting across from us. If men discussed women the way they talked about men the men would be accused of misogyny. Later on DH said and I agree, that some women think it’s unacceptable to be objectified and spoken about in a sexual way but it’s ok for men to be treated like that and there certainly is double standards.

If you’re more concerned about women talking about males committing 98% of sex crimes than you are about males committing 98% sex crimes, then you’re part of that male violence issue.

A divorced father who suffers with access to his children is a father who just hasn’t tried. But will tell the world how hard he’s tried. How he’s not paying anything for his children because he doesn’t want to be funding the mother’s lifestyle, but will have a savings account for them. (Which is obviously no use to anyone)

He will also have a just as stupid woman there listening and believing him. But I feel we are digressing from the point.

It was a group of women on a train so how on Earth can it have been private?!

I think it's a bit much to make a generalisation about an entire sex based on one example.

As a pp said, people are dicks. Dicks attract other dicks. Hence the group of women you come across. I cannot imagine sitting with a group of my friends talking about how sexy and phwoar certain men are. We have much better things to talk about and laugh over, than objectifying men.

It happens with other things, look on here if a woman has more than a man she must protect her assets, if s man has more than a woman and he wants to protect his assets hes tight or controlling. GS tells me girls at his sixth form in their teens expect boys to pay for everything on dates even though they are staunch feminists.

I think it's having your cake and eating it syndrome.

Do you always use stereotypes for 50% of the population, OP? @Scottishlass10

I'm sure must people are not ideologically pure, I know I'm not. But women criticising men is punching up, do remember that.

Well he can be suffering while she fights him in court or she takes advice Ive seen on here and moved hundreds of miles away before he can't get to court to stop her.

Don't make me tap the 'Women get disproportionate custody of children because of patriarchy, not feminism and also because only a minority of men fight for it' sign again.

I hate hearing anyone objectified- you’re totally right op, some women think because some men treat some women that way, that it’s ok to treat all men that way!!

So you and your DH overheard women onjectifying men and thought them inappropriate. Meanwhile all over the world, men will be having conversations where they objectify women and some other people will be thinking that's inappropriate.
Unless you and hubby think it's OK for the men to do this and not for the women, there are no double standards in your story.

No I wasn’t uncomfortable and tbh I just found it amusing. It was my husband that commented about how he’d be lambasted as a man if he was to speak about women in such a way, which I did agree with.

"THIS. Are you seriously suggesting that women objectifying men is "just as bad" as the other way around considering the consequences of both and the fact that it is women who are disproportionately the victims of male sexual crimes?
If so, I am quite shocked at your naivety/ignorance."

This is similar argument to that used by some posters on Mumsnet minimising domestic violence from women because it does not present as much of a "danger.". Whilst male violence dominates statistics I doubt this is much comfort to anyone abused by their female partner.

Yes they can, but so often, when women like you draw attention to this, it's like you think it's shocking that women can be badly behaved.

That then often turns into the opinion that because a minority of women objectify men, that somehow there's some kind of parity between the sexes in this regard and that because not all women are saints, that we have no right to expect men to treat women better.

If that sounds anything like you, I strongly urge you to check out sex crime statistics on the Gov.uk website, where you'll find that a massive majority (something like 98% or more) of offenders are male.

Do you mean they were talking about many men being lazy bastards at home who carry on as if they were single after kids arrive. OR were they saying they only like men with big dicks who are at least 6’ and well minted?

I bet it was the quiet carriage, which is where I find people think it appropriate to have such conversations.

Lambasted by who, though? Does he really think a woman would approach this hypothetical group of men and tell them off? Because if so, he is wrong.

Unless you are in white middle class bubble like most of mumsnet I'm sure are every time a woman is outside she's worried about her safety and men's behaviour towards her. No man leaves the house getting worried he may get raped or assaulted by a woman.

Er, no. I definitely don't worry every time I leave the house and I do not live in a typical MN leafy suburb. I have never left the house thinking I might get raped or assaulted, what an anxious way to live.

My point was some women would the first to complain if men spoke about them like that, but thought it ok for them to do so about men. Two wrongs don’t make a right

Given how few even make it to court or are even convicted, it's a very bleak picture.

Just to add OP, men complain about a LOT of things. Some of them, those arising from toxic masculinity, with justification. Other times because they mistake equality for oppression. One thing I've never really seen as a pattern of complaints from men is that they are 'objectified by women'. So, if this happens on the regular to men, then I'm not sure they percieve it as a key issue of concern. So I wonder if in your desire to protect them you're barking up a tree without a squirrel in it?

Absolutely. We’re talking about fairness and equality. You have that one case that is absolutely true.

Now go find another 50 single mothers where it’s the same story. You’ll most probably come across my example far more.

It was First Class.

Come back and talk to me about ‘double standards’ when the playing field is levelled.

I won’t hold my breath, like.

Absolutely they have double standards as evidenced by many of the threads here on mumsnet!