Colleagues missed my birthday

[englishrosi3]

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

Your gift buying sounds a little intense tbh.

It's a bit shitty of them. I imagine that if you are the person that always does the organising then none of them bothered step up to take charge of doing it for you.

Sounds like they all thought someone else would make the effort and that it wasn't important to them. I think I'd be less available for lifts and things outside work and I'd probably drop the birthday routine now.

Don't bother for whoever is next and if someone mentions it look vaguely surprised and say, 'Oh, I didn't think anyone was interested in doing birthdays any more. Absolutely you take over the organising if you'd like to'.

You give too much to colleagues. They might not care that much about celebrating with workmates but are happy enough to take part if someone else initiates it. Maybe they are not as keen to contribute as you think but don’t want to rock the boat.

It’s the end of the year so stop doing this hereon.

Stop buying birthday gifts and definitely stop buying work anniversary gifts. Those are weird TBH.

Sounds like they all wanted to stop the whole birthday at work business for everyone and didn't know how to tell you.

I wouldn't organise it for anyone else in future.
If it was queried then I would say "oh, I thought as I didn't get anything for my birthday that we weren't doing this any more"

I wouldn't want to spend £70 every year on my work colleagues.

All the £10 donations will add up. Maybe they can’t really afford it but aren’t sure how to say no?

you’re putting way too much importance on your relationship with your colleagues. £10 a go is way too much to be giving. Nobody will mind if you stop doing it

I would be so uncomfortable working in a place where I was put on the spot with gifts like this. You might think you're being kind and spoiling people, but not everyone likes this type of attention... or the cost!

My work colleagues are not my friends. A donation for a one off event - wedding, leaving etc fine, but I wouldn’t expect to otherwise. I like them, I have better things to spend my money on and would resent having to contribute. In a small team if 7 it would be hard to be the one not to join in.

I used to be the birthday organiser for my workplace , and gave up when no one reciprocated. I know how you feel.

Time to stop being the organiser.

I perform this role in my workplace and thoroughly accept that I’m likely to be overlooked for that reason. I do it because we don’t get any perks at all in the sector I work in, we do it very much for the love of it and it can be a thankless task so it’s good for morale to celebrate things like birthdays. I don’t know if anyone would bother doing it if I didn’t. But I do a digital card and some cakes and don’t ask for final contributions . Perhaps ask everyone to give a small amount that covers the whole year, so that you can buy some cakes instead of larger gifts.

It's lovely that you want to make people feel special on their birthdays but clearly not everyone feels the same way as you do. You are making way too much effort and its putting pressure on people to do the same when clearly, they dont want to.

I also agree that asking colleagues to spend £70 a year on their colleagues is too much. You dont know what financial circumstances people might be in. A simple card or a bunch of flowers is more than enough.

You need to relax a bit OP- this is too much.

You sound lovely OP but this is all too much. Stop with the present collections. I doubt they want to do it but feel obliged to. This is your sign to duck out from now on.

Sorry they ignored your birthday.

However, £10 for every colleague's birthday is too much. I put a stop to this when I joined a new organisation and changed it so each of us was responsible for sorting 1 card and cake or biscuits for one other person's birthday. That way, it's not all left to one person, everyone gets acknowledged on their birthday, but we all saved money. Worked fine.

That’s sucks , I’d be pissed off too. It’s hurtful when you put the effort in for others and it’s not reciprocated. X

This shoulf not happen in the workplace enough is enough no one should have to donate to colleagues birthdays

Don't do anything you don't get paid for - the birthday gifts, lifts, picking things up. It's a thankless task and the reality is if you left the job tomorrow any contact with these people would dwindle very quickly. The important thing is you have a friend close enough to have spent your birthday away with!

I get that you feel rejected by this and it's very unfair that they didn't reciprocate your kindness for your birthday. I'd be upset, too. But they're probably just thoughtless. As others have said, I would not bother with theirs in future and see if anyone says anything.

I’m sorry you got hurt and it’s lovely that you want to treat everyone and make a them feel special but this level of involvement is pretty unheard of. Most workplaces have collections for weddings, babies, significant birthdays but £10 for every colleagues birthday every year is a bit much. Celebrating a work anniversary is usually done with cake (if at all). I think you need to lower your expectations for such events and the pressure. It is pretty crappy that they didn’t even get you a card but I’m sorry to say I think you’ve made the mistake of assuming that something that is important to you should automatically be important to everyone else.

Don’t blame you for being upset OP. I’d just stop it from now on. If anyone questions it just say ‘Ah I thought it might be getting too much for people’. And let someone else organise leaving presents or anything else like that from now on. Don’t lift a finger!

Stop doing it.

Stop the collections for non big birthdays, nobody will mind, they will more likely be grateful.

Ive worked on teams where I adore my colleagues, I wouldn’t want or need this.

I’m sorry they missed your birthday, you deserve better but you can stop it all now with no guilt at all. They’re colleagues not family.