Colleagues missed my birthday

[englishrosi3]

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

Over my work years I have twice had a sharp reminder that not everyone has funds available that others may consider loose change. One was a colleague who said no thanks to heading out for a coffee at Costa. He went on to share with me that the cost was the same as a stocking filler towards his young daughter’s christmas and he simply couldnt afford both. The other was a colleague who bought nothing when we all ran into a sandwich shop to grab something on way to a team meeting. She said she wasnt hungry, it was clear later she was starving and I gave her my crisps. I learned much later than she was in severe debt. We work in an industry which pays well and would probably be perceived as affording nice homes and cars! I only mention this as I think you have assumed that 1) eveyone loves celebrating birthdays - they dont. 2) everyone can afford a few pounds even if it’s not the standard £10 - that’s just not the case. I get the hurt but it’s just too much to expect.

Ah that is a real shame. You sound very thoughtful and it is a lovely gesture to mark everyone's birthday. Maybe financially it was getting a bit much to be always contributing to a colleague's birthday. However, if it was, it needed someone to say it out loud rather than stop cold missing out the person who put in all the effort.

OMG no! Totally (I’m the boss).
If this is the case OP you should just be buying the gifts, no whip round

Looks like exploring why you go to such effort with gifts and helping out in therapy might be a good idea.

Don't do more collections they don't bother, why should you?
Stop making favours if they are not convinient to you. That is all.

Sorry OP but if I was your colleague I would be annoyed to have to give £10 towards my colleagues' birthday presents.

nah. They are all happy to do that, and OP said that nobody has any issue if less than a tenner goes in. They are happy to get presents, and ok to give if someone else does the gruntwork. They are all adults. At any point in the year they could say "this is too much". If they really left it for OPs birthday to make their protest they are mean fuckers. If they genuinely forgot they are lazy fuckers.

Either way, OP just needs to shrug it off, and then ignore everything to do with birthdays going forward. Either they will notice, or they won't. Either way they are fuckers.

We only did collections for Milestone Birthdays or special occasions such as weddings , leaving gifts etc .

You're doing way too much.
Gift vouchers for work anniversaries is far too much, as is "topping up" the collection when you decide it isn't enough money.
These people aren't your family. They're just people you've been thrown together with by pure chance. You owe them nothing apart from being polite and professional.

By them not reciprocating for your birthday, tells you they don't value the "work colleague birthday" thing as much as you do. Please take this as your sign to stop, or at the very minimum, dial it right back to cards only, and/or just do it for "big birthdays" only (although that still relies on someone to keep track).

Turns out it seems that it's OP's own business, which puts it all in a different light.

Nope. You have no idea that they are all fine with contributing £10. It is the OP's own business and she is the boss so of course they are going to say its fine, they probably feel obliged.

Do you realise how shitty it makes you feel to admit you cannot afford something like this? its mortifying.

Yes indeed- particularly if 'on paper' you look solvent.

Like I said in my earlier post - it's never safe to assume that you have any idea of the financial strains other people have. And it might 'only be a tenner' (times 7 for each colleague) but it's all the other 'only a tenners' that add up.

Way too intense, OP. Why are you such a doormat at work? You don’t need the validation. Stop putting yourself out for others, they clearly aren’t bothered.

Oh?

Then very much so!

The colleagues feel compelled to donate because it's the boss asking!

There is a general rule that presents flow downwards in the workplace, not upwards.

Hopefully OP now understands this.

In my previous job it was the responsibility of the person whose birthday it was to bring in cake/donuts for everyone. It wasn’t obligatory but was a nice way to celebrate. No gifts were expected.

It's the OP's own business?? Seriously?? So they're not your colleagues OP, they're your employees!!

I think this is great

Optional, fair, modest amount, no one left out by accident

Where have you got that from ?

Sounds like they want to stop it so use this as an opportunity to do so.

On a previous thread OP said: "I now run my own very successful small local business. Open your mind and do something with your life instead of sitting thinking others are going around educated and have an advantage"

It's her business. That or she is lying.

I wouldn't take part in anything like this as its just too much pressure throughout the year on top of everything else.

Don't give just to receive.

As a result of not getting 'the bumps' on a BIG birthday, I was so upset I screwed the country (apparently) and left almost immediately...

That'll show 'em, I thought - and it did!

I never understand why people go grubbing around in an OP's past posts.

When something isnt coming across as quite right it can be helpful to make sense of it and it does in this case.

Calling it "grubbing" makes zero difference to me. I dont care if you think its "grubby" 🤣

I usually agree. Often it’s done in a really intrusive way on threads about sensitive issues. But here it seems fair enough. OP left out a key bit of information by calling it her “workplace” not her business. It’s hardly terribly personal, just misleading.

Just to update I am self employed as are my colleagues we are equal and nobody is the boss however I have been there the longest. We all rent space within a beauty salon.
we are all pretty comfortable and earn well and happy to give the money and enjoy receiving gifts.
i did kind of expect this but thought a card and a bunch of flowers was the least I’d get. I’m a bit hurt by it considering we are all a great team and spend a lot time outside of work together whether it is meeting up at the weekend for a meal or during the week with kids.