Colleagues missed my birthday

[englishrosi3]

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

Work colleagues aren’t friends. They may become true friends in time if you build up a relationship with them outside of work, but if you just interact with them at work you are likely to be friendly colleagues. I agree with PPs that it is time to stop the workplace gifts - if it’s £10 per person to contribute to a gift that is a lot. Maybe have a think about who you are the closest to and if they appear to reciprocate the friendship put your energy into that relationship instead of the whole office. Or if there isn’t anyone at work you are particularly close to put the money you would have spent on gifts on a new hobby or club?

I’ve been in a similar position to you, OP. I moved to a different office (same building) the day before my birthday and didn’t get so much as a card. Obviously nobody had bothered to collect for my birthday or even check when it was although I’d given money to birthday collections, leaving collections and even a wedding anniversary collection. I stopped putting money in work collections altogether not long after that. I’d suggest you do the same. Put a donation for yourself aside every time you’re asked and spend it on something you want for your birthday!

This feels a bit intense. Grown adults don't need birthday or work anniversary gifts from their colleagues, it's a waste of money and inevitably results in clutter that people don't need or want. A decent employer would provide a gift / reward for major anniversaries (like 10 years in the job), so I'd save the gift giving for major life events (e.g. wedding, retirement, new baby, and perhaps milestone birthdays).

Okay, well, the birthday collections and cards ends now.

Never do it again.

No, it's shitty of them.

When is the next birthday? don't do anything. If anyone asks if you are collecting you can pull out the ol' "oh, i thought we weren't doing that any more. So no"

And just leave it at that.

A missed birthday and leaving present in the same company was when I knew that collections were complete arse . It should have been obvious when the turnover of staff was high and I was in the job longer than most .
Same goes for secret Santa.

Hear people on this forum when they say that colleagues are not your friends - this is what they mean. Don't spend your money on people you won't remember in 6 months time.

God, my work does a virtual card for birthdays and to be honest I find that too much when there are about 30 of us. It’s always someone’s bloody birthday.

I get that it's hurtful but I agree with pp that it's extremely intense for work colleagues. Who started this whole thing? Was it you? I personally would want to spend £80 a year on work colleagues.

£10 is a lot for every birthday!

And what's happened is you have become the de facto "organiser" and no one else realised no one else had planned anything

One year anniversary gifts are also a bit much

Sack it off and buy yourself a present with the £70 you’ll save

This ….. it sounds too much and intense. I’d hate to put in money ALL the time for colleagues we are professionals not kids at a party

£70 on colleagues birthdays per year? I am not going to lie , I am glad I don't work there. that is ridiculous, sorry. A card or a happy birthday are perfectly sufficient in a workplace.

It's a bit shit you got nothing but maybe take the hint, read the room and stop this whole silly circus.

This is all too much. Time to stop all the collections.

I suspect it was lack of thought on everyone's part rather than anything else.
As far as they are concerned, the presents 'just sort of happen'. None of them give any thought to remembering dates or organising collections or choosing the present or wrapping it, or getting a card or getting the card signed, it all just "happens". So naturally, if the person who makes it happen can't make it happen for themself, then it doesn't happen. You would have needed for there to be at least one other person involved.

However I agree with everyone else. All this present giving sounds completely over the top.
The cost, the hassle, even the attention is too much for many people.

YANBU to feel a little aggrieved, BUT YABU to be doing all this in the first place.

Im sorry, this sucks. But maybe it is time to stop the collections. Maybe time to make 'rules' with the manager. Basically collections for 50th, baby, wedding and retirement or whatever you think is appropriate.

Oh OP, no. You said it yourself: you’re the most senior. Gifting should not flow up (google it). It’s inappropriate to expect staff more junior than you to buy you presents. Also £10 per birthday each is insane.

Sorry, I read this several times as “stop doing heroin”. Good advice I thought but wasn’t what OP asked….

This happened to me. A company I worked for always got a birthday cake for everyone and for things like weddings, baby showers they’d always do something special. It would t necessarily be one person taking charge each team would generally have a go to person who'd do any team related organising but the GMs p.a would generally do big things, for my team I’d usually do any additional birthday lunches team leaving bits etc… Then I went on maternity leave, no one remembered to organise a shower or even leaving gift for me. I’m not an emotional person, it takes a lot for me to cry but I remember my last day walking to my car sobbing. What pissed me off even more was there had been a baby shower and wedding for 2 people that weren’t even in our department but our GM wanted to do something for them for helping us out and we all bought them a seperate gift from us as a group on top of the company paying for stuff.

I actually phoned my boss and called him a fucking wanker! He tried to say he’d only been in the job a month, I pointed out he’d known me for 4 years, I was the one who got him the job with the company 2 years previously and the only reason he was my boss now was because I didn’t go for tge job because I was due to go on maternity leave! The next day I got a bunch of stuff sent to me via urgent courier but it was too late I was so fucked off I never organised anything for anyone else for the remaining 3 years I was in the job.

Organising collections is an absolute ball-ache so perhaps it is just that no-one wants to do it when the usual organiser (you) is not around. Still a bit shit for you though, but probably not personal.

It’s a good time to stop the collections; I doubt anyone will mind. If anyone wants to buy cards and presents they can choose to do so. I’d find £10 a lot to find for a colleagues birthday and resent being press-ganged into it. It’s meaningless if it isn’t freely given.

This

It’s the perfect time to stop and I’m sure others will be relieved too.

Just stop doing it. I'd imagine most will be relieved.

I’m sorry but I think this kind of mentality leads to the current lack of community and caring about other humans. This kind of mentality is the main reason why I’m considering emigrating and it’s becoming so widespread.

I work in Italy half the time and all we do all day long is random acts of kindness, both at work and outside. If I need any help, absolutely anybody would go out of their way to help me. Likewise I’d help anyone or brighten their day, eg buy a stranger a coffee, give them a free metro ticket, whatever. If I’m lost, somebody will probably personally deliver me to where I need to be. A man recently drove me to another country when my taxi cancelled. Old people are cared for by random younger people. That’s what community means.

Things don’t need to be quid pro quo and transactional, you know. I pick up a girl on my way to work, wouldn’t dream of asking her to pay petrol money.

On the birthday topic… it’s happened to me, they usually forget and then find out and are horrified and fix it.

OP, it seems you genuinely enjoy gift giving and bringing everyone together. If making others smile makes you happy, just carry on as you were.

It’s not great they forgot and are disorganised, but you don’t seem like you give to receive.

My best friend is like that, she picks up random little bits for people to cheer them up and does favours when it suits her. Everyone loves her cos even on the cloudiest day, she’s the silver lining

Better for each to spend £70 of their money on themselves. We used to do this. It got ridiculous.
Crap they didn’t consider you. From now it should be “best wishes”, and assume this is the q from them to stop.