Colleagues missed my birthday

[englishrosi3]

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

If you are the boss, they would be reasonable to think the cinema vouchers and Starbucks are a thank you from the company not from you personally.
The birthday thing is too much - who does a collection for birthdays?? Only for leaving do.
And the boss makes the biggest contribution.
If you are self employed and thus is your company, it's even worse.

Tell them that as you have the collection for so long, someone else needs to volunteer.

When I worked in an office based job, the birthday person came in with cakes, paid for by themselves. Yeah, was expensive! But never have I worked anywhere where there was a whiparound - that only happened when someone left.

I'd use this opportunity to stop it, sorry that they forgot yours though. No more lifts, no more fuss. You'll have more time on your hands!

This, I would hate to keep putting money in the pot like this, I’d rather someone just bring buns in if it’s their birthday (if they even wanted to)

How would they think that when they’r contributing £10 to it?

Yes! Do this and buy yourself something lovely.

And you can be sure that nobody else will!

I think this is their way of saying they don’t want to do the birthday thing anymore. Just leave it all from now on, verbal wishes only.

This. I work with a small workplace too and we don't bother with birthdays generally.

@AliceMcK good for you for calling him out. That was shitty behaviour

I knew you were going to be the one who organised everyone else’s presents as soon as you said yours was missed.

Don’t say anything this time, but definitely delegate the next birthday to another team member.

Stop doing it , if colleagues comment just say no-one bothered for yours so you won’t be doing it anymore. Then next birthday take 8 fancy cupcakes into work and eat every damn one of them

People probably don't want to do it but feel too awkward to say no. I wouldn't contribute to these collections most workplaces only do something for big birthdays if at all. Ive never heard of anyone getting a gift card just for working somewhere for a year either you sound like a kind person who enjoys gifting not everyone feels the same way

Are you their boss? They may find it a bit weird organising a collection and gift for you if so.
I understand why it is hurtful, but I would chalk it up and accept the lesson that actually no-one is that fussed about colleague birthday gifts if you aren't there asking them for contributions. And stop doing it. If you want to give a colleague a card or cake on their birthday, do it, but stop organising the collections. I wouldn't want to spend £80 a year on birthday gifts for colleagues. Maybe they don't either but haven't felt able to say.

Did you start the whole birthday collection idea? If so, and you're more senior (or even the boss) maybe everyone else went along with out of politeness. Most people don’t actually want to give money for workplace birthdays, but they do it because saying no feels awkward. If you’re the one leading the team, part of your role is to set tone and morale, but what you've done has drifted into something more personal than professional, like you’ve been trying to make work feel like a caring family. That kind of closeness probably belongs somewhere else. In a workplace sometimes that kind of connection grows organically, and I think that's the only way it can work, when it’s mutual and easy, because otherwise it turns into obligation dressed up as kindness.

Stop doing them, maybe £10 each time is too much for some people anyway.

I never put into collections that demand a specific amount having seen a colleague crying in her car and the reason being contributing to the latest collection had tipped her into her overdraft but she understandably didn't want to share her financial position with everyone in the office.

Based on your posts on this thread - including this charming response to a woman whose mother died a year ago - she isn't the only one.

Hardly anyone likes work collections and celebrating team birthdays. The best gift you can give them and yourself is to stop. They will appreciate it and you don't need to feel hard done by.

I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

They seem to look upon you as the one that does the doing...clearly happy for you to continue as long as it suits them.

I'd also be one that stops doing these things, I wouldn't say or ask if anyone needed anything doing if I was going that way and if anyone did ask I'd reply with a "sorry no, not going that way"

I'd also stop with the collections for birthdays, don't mention before hand just let the build up to the birthday and day itself pass.

Just continue being friendly and professional at work and if any colleagues mention that you haven't done xyz just look upon them as being a cheeky shite agree and change the subject, I mean who's going to moan to you that it's unfair that you've stopped being their skivvy.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

You're doing it to be kind, but this seems intense to me. These people are not your friends, you're just working in the same place.

I'm sorry you're hurt, but this is your cue to stop the gift giving.

I agree, just stop doing it without saying anything and see what happens

Honestly, I'd be annoyed at the expectation that I should pay out for colleagues' birthdays at ten quid apiece. It a lot.

Time to hand over the birthday collection mantle.
Tell eberyone from new year you will hamd over thr birthday collection if anyone wants to take it on. If not then the tradition dies out.
10 quid each is a lot for a work birthday collection. Everywhere I have worked its about 2 quid and a manager might top it up with a tenner. But actually since covid I havent worked anywhere that even acknowledges birthdays, unless its a big one but even then its a verbal happy birthday and thats it.
Time to let this bitthday tradition go in your workplace.

Oh. That would explain it to me. I wouldn't buy my boss a gift, at all.

Maybe when you go in next week there will be a belated gift. If you do everyone else’s it’s just not in their minds. I’m low key about this stuff anyway . Sometimes colleagues remember but I don’t know their birthdays either. If I do I’ll wish then a happy birthday but otherwise I wouldn’t know.