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Original poster

Colleagues missed my birthday

209 replies

englishrosi3 · 31/10/2025 21:33

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

OP posts:
Mummypie21 · 31/10/2025 23:06

I am in a team of 4 and we do get each other gifts for birthdays. However, it's all done individually so nobody is tasked with organising.

Personally, I'm not great at doing collections and organising big group gifts so would prefer to do my own thing. So if you had been my colleague, I would have brought you a card and present just from me.

DeborahVance · 31/10/2025 23:10

They're telling you they don't want to do it any more.

HedgehogCrisps · 31/10/2025 23:10

Its not just £10 is it? Its the additional collections when someone gets engaged/married/parents die, etc.

I would take this that everyone would like to stop.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 31/10/2025 23:10

Also if you think anyone really took any notice of the social media posts and didn't just comment "Happy birthday!" out of habit then you're probably wrong

They probably didn't even really take in whose birthday they commented on

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 31/10/2025 23:12

That's fascinating about Italy, @ElleintheWoods. Which city or area are you working in?

Opheliarising · 31/10/2025 23:17

ElleintheWoods · 31/10/2025 23:00

I’m sorry but I think this kind of mentality leads to the current lack of community and caring about other humans. This kind of mentality is the main reason why I’m considering emigrating and it’s becoming so widespread.

I work in Italy half the time and all we do all day long is random acts of kindness, both at work and outside. If I need any help, absolutely anybody would go out of their way to help me. Likewise I’d help anyone or brighten their day, eg buy a stranger a coffee, give them a free metro ticket, whatever. If I’m lost, somebody will probably personally deliver me to where I need to be. A man recently drove me to another country when my taxi cancelled. Old people are cared for by random younger people. That’s what community means.

Things don’t need to be quid pro quo and transactional, you know. I pick up a girl on my way to work, wouldn’t dream of asking her to pay petrol money.

On the birthday topic… it’s happened to me, they usually forget and then find out and are horrified and fix it.

OP, it seems you genuinely enjoy gift giving and bringing everyone together. If making others smile makes you happy, just carry on as you were.

It’s not great they forgot and are disorganised, but you don’t seem like you give to receive.

My best friend is like that, she picks up random little bits for people to cheer them up and does favours when it suits her. Everyone loves her cos even on the cloudiest day, she’s the silver lining

Show quote history

I loved reading this- sounds like a lovely community that you are part of- I'm envious.

Abracadabrador · 31/10/2025 23:33

I couldn't participate in a perpetual tenner passing on. Maybe they don't enjoy this?
Lifts, shopping, employment anniversaries etc are very intense, just opt out.

Happiestathome · 31/10/2025 23:33

In my workplace we do collections for leaving or big birthdays. I’ve found that everyone is happy to give some money, but no one wants to actually do the collecting, buying and getting everyone to sign the card. At the end of this year I’m going to ask that we put it to a vote to stop it or not. It’s not my job to do, but it seems to get pushed to me to do because others can’t be bothered. I’m so sorry they didn’t arrange something for you. Could you do similar and ask if people want to take turns or stop entirely?

RoseAlone · 31/10/2025 23:37

This sounds like something out of primary school. You're an adult, you don't need to have your birthday acknowledged by people you work with or anyone else for that matter. 🙄

therewasafishinthepercolator · 31/10/2025 23:43

I understand why you're upset. That's crap of them.

But I do think the birthday stuff in work isn't a good idea. Because its unnecessary and shit like this can happen.

I would stop doing it. Stop arranging it and stop chipping in. You were doing too much. This is your out.

Happy birthday. Your colleagues don't really matter. They're just colleagues.

TheLivelyRose · 31/10/2025 23:43

RoseAlone · 31/10/2025 23:37

This sounds like something out of primary school. You're an adult, you don't need to have your birthday acknowledged by people you work with or anyone else for that matter. 🙄

Oh come on.

Most people would be upset if no one at all acknowledged their birthday

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 31/10/2025 23:46

I run the birthday collections

Well there's your problem.

Fionasapples · 31/10/2025 23:48

If there are 8 of you, contributing £10 each is £70, it's a bit much for an ordinary birthday. As is giving people vouchers for their work anniversary. It is unkind of them not to return the favour to you but do you think they just want the ott gift giving to stop and this is their clumsy way of putting a stop to it?

ChristmasStepThisWay · 31/10/2025 23:53

Do you also do secret santa?

ElleintheWoods · 01/11/2025 07:25

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 31/10/2025 23:12

That's fascinating about Italy, @ElleintheWoods. Which city or area are you working in?

I’m in north Italy but not in a big city.

However generally I find this all over Italy, probably more so in the south. And I’ve experienced this in many Latin cultures very consistently, eg Colombia, Peru, Brazil, Spain. There was a post on here not long ago accusing young Italian neighbours of an elderly aunt of being scammers because they talked to her and helped her with groceries. Whereas they were just… being human?

My general life experience is that having a kind and open attitude to people and doing what you can to make their day better makes yourself feel better, and while not giving to receive, others pick up on your energy and will be kind to you. Maybe not everyone in Italy has the same experience, but perhaps my demeanour is related to experiencing world in this way.

OP may have had a one-off blip being let down by colleagues, but I’m sure she gets joy from what she does.

TappyGilmore · 01/11/2025 07:40

I’m not surprised you’re upset that your birthday was missed.

BUT this is not okay. 8 people in the team and you’re all putting in £10 for a collection for every birthday? That is way too much! I just would not be participating in this if I worked there.

LlynTegid · 01/11/2025 07:43

FrostAtMidnight · 31/10/2025 22:33

This is all too much. Time to stop all the collections.

I agree. You can dress it up as cost of living, not wanting to embarrass anyone who may be financially stretched etc, if you wish.

ButtonMushrooms · 01/11/2025 07:45

Sorry OP but if I was your colleague I would be annoyed to have to give £10 towards my colleagues' birthday presents. I don't spend that much on my brother or my best friend! (Unless it's a big birthday.) I probably wouldn't tell you this outright as you sound like a nice person, but I would be inwardly cross about it.

I think this is a sign they don't want the collections to continue.

deltapanda · 01/11/2025 07:51

Abracadabrador · 31/10/2025 23:33

I couldn't participate in a perpetual tenner passing on. Maybe they don't enjoy this?
Lifts, shopping, employment anniversaries etc are very intense, just opt out.

My team do this. We know each other well and are established colleagues. And while it’s nice to be thought of, to me it’s just a perpetual passing on of a tenner too. I used to hate it, sometimes £10 really did seem more than I wanted to give, but now I just look forward to getting it all back on my turn like some kind of savings club. Silly really but understand how this would be disappointing for you, OP.

Theroadt · 01/11/2025 08:10

englishrosi3 · 31/10/2025 21:33

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

Years ago this happened to me. For months the “birthday tax” as we all called it was organised by one woman for every birthday. Then mine was overlooked, so I said I wouldn’t contribute anymore. Everyone else piled on saying how relieved they were and happy it was going to stop - as they also said no to further contributions.

Ooodelally · 01/11/2025 08:17

This is such a hard one. I also love to buy gifts and do little treats and be thoughtful but you have to do it because you enjoy the giving and appreciate that not everyone works in the same way or sooner or later you will end up disappointed… I’m sorry they’ve made you feel shitty, think about whether you’d feel better or worse for stopping your own gift buying. It may be a good time to reflect on whether others are happy with the financial collections though, this can be a real burden for people.

deltapanda · 01/11/2025 08:19

Yes I tried to stop it once too, when the main organiser went on mat leave. But it wouldn’t die and here we still are 😂. Nobody is ever forgotten. And if I was at least I’d be comfortable enough asking for my share!

MagpiePi · 01/11/2025 08:20

It all sounds way OTT. Spending £70 on a gift for a work colleague is ridiculous.

Everywhere I’ve worked the birthday person brings in a cake or some chocolates if they want to but nobody cares if they don’t.

TheHairInClaudiasEyes · 01/11/2025 08:22

I thought it was going to read £10 between you all. £10 each is ridiculous and I adore the team I work with. What would happen if there were 3 birthdays in May? Token gift for milestone birthdays otherwise a card signed by everyone. I’d be pissed if they forgot mine, but I always take cakes in so they would have realised pretty quickly.

DaisyChain505 · 01/11/2025 08:23

Sorry if I sound mean or too black and white but a job is a job. I know my work colleagues and have a “relationship” with them because I have to. That doesn’t mean I don’t like them but once I leave the work place I’m not thinking about them and I have my actually friends and family and life to be getting on with.

If you weren’t in the office for you actually birthday I wouldn’t think twice about not chasing you down to shower you in happy birthday celebrations. If you were there I’d say happy birthday and make small talk asking what you have planned etc.

I also don’t think people should have to contribute to birthday gifts at work. I have a list as long as my arm of family members and friends that I already have to buy for, I don’t need the added expense of another 8+ people per year at work to shell out for.

It’s really not that deep.