Colleagues missed my birthday

[englishrosi3]

Every year in my small workplace we have a collection and buy a birthday present for whoever’s birthday it is. I run the birthday collections and buying of the gift. There are 8 of us and we usually contribute £10 each. Nobody complains about the out and they can out as much or as little as they want but £10 is average. I’ve topped it up a couple of times if it’s something that costs a little more.
it was my birthday last week and I didnt even get a card. I’m a bit upset about this and never want to get any of them anything ever again. Only 2 out of them wished me a happy birthday. I had been off work for two days as I went away with a friend and they knew this was happening and why I was off. I posted on Facebook photos of my birthday night away and caption it “birthday” they “liked” the pictures.
I do a lot to help everyone in their jobs as I’m the most senior and experienced there, I really appreciate all my colleagues and that they work well together.. I’m not in massively higher pay than them. I do things for them outside of work like help with lifts and picking up items they need if I pop out to the shops.
im often told I’m a kind and considerate person.

I know I’m a big girl and it’s just a birthday but I love to make a fuss of others and make them feel special and appreciated.

even things like if someone’s work anniversary eg they’ve been here a year I get them Starbucks or cinema voucher.

Me neither. I don’t spend a tenner on them.

Definitely...missing your birthday is a message to stop the group gifts.you can buy what you want. You sound bossy.

Firstly, Happy Belated Birthday 💐. Hope you had a nice time with your friend.

I think you should drop the rope now.

Also £10 per colleague would be a bit much for me in the current economic environment.

That's that then. They are colleagues not friends and you stop arranging birthday stuff, lifts etc. You've helped them at work enough, they need to get on with it.

We used to just do a birthday card in one old team and mine and a colleague's birthday was the same day. I signed her card. I was off sick on my birthday but when I returned there was no card for me.

I don't do anything for colleagues birthdays just happy birthday on Teams.

I don’t think the op will be back. These plop and run threads are so frustrating.

Why? Do you need an update as much as she needs a present?

She asked a question, she's got her responses.Maybe she has nothing more to add.

Given all the people that called her pathetic for daring to think her birthday meant something.I'm not surprised she hasn't been back.

I have to say it's only on this.Site that adults are expected to never celebrate their birthday and not be upset by getting no presents.And no cards either. Must all have your birthday ignored every year and you're absolutely fine with it.

I agree that they are probably trying to say they don't want to do gifts among colleagues anymore. I think missing a birthday is some people's indirect way of saying they don't want to do cards or gifts.

You can continue to buy them little £10 gifts if you want to, but please stop the collections! They should only really be for people retiring or maybe going on maternity leave or getting married. Even then I only contribute to collections for people I am genuinely close to. Otherwise, I just do a card.

ETA: if you were my colleague I would've got you a card if we were on friendly terms.

Absolutely, gifts flow down, not up.

We have an 'opt in' option at work for this reason. Those participating are put on a rota, typically you buy for the next person and it is displayed. Everyone has a set amount to spend which like you equals out to be $10 per person but covered in one hit by the worker. You always know when its coming up so no-one is left surprised with the expense

Next time a collection is mentioned,say something like "Oh I thought we weren't doing these now as I never received anything for my birthday last month (or whenever your birthday was),and don't contribute anymore.

We only do cards at ours but I am also the birthday person, there have been a few years when I’ve not got one and of course everybody else has, largely because it’s nobody else’s ‘job’ so they don’t think 🙄

Sounds like they don’t want to participate in the gift giving anymore. I would stop doing it.

Eh? I actually posted that it must have been hurtful for the op, but you project away with your weird aggressive attitude.

It’s quite simple – you’re the birthday present buyer in the office. If you don’t buy a birthday present nobody else will, so unless you buy your own you’re not going to get one.

If this is true then sorry OP but you will have to suck it up.

If you own the business and these are your employees then you cannot expect them to buy you gifts. I own a business and I buy birthday cards, flowers and maybe a small gift for my employees on their birthdays but I would feel like shit asking my employees to contribute when I am on a much higher wage than them.

I'm sorry but if this is true, then I think you are out of line.

I am sorry OP that does seem very hard for you . You seem like a lovely kind person , who is always putting others first .
I do think as others have said that you need to scale things back and I think with the cost of living now that people shouldn’t be buying routine presents for colleagues , unless they are exceptionally close friends also outside work . I think if it is a big birthday fair enough a card and say a bottle of wine might be appropriate .
i know when I was a lot younger and a student earning very little in a summer office job I felt obliged to contribute to the collections as didn’t want to be seen as “ mean “ , but there were about 500 people there and constant collections . A senior member of staff said to me - don’t be silly .
I think if you are a sensitive person who thinks of others , you will feel hurt when no one puts in any effort for you .
We do get defined in roles and I think sadly your colleagues are taking you for granted and think that you enjoy helping others .
I would step back in what you do , especially outside of work for these colleagues and also look at what you do for them in the work place too . Are you possibly giving too much of yourself and not leaving enough time for your own workload / yourself .

You may have to step back with the need to solve everyone’s problems . If they are flagging up an issue ( that isn’t within you work role ) you can empathise with them , or suggest some one else they could go to - but you shouldn’t be the default “ rescuer “.
I do think it is also hard when you think what would I have done for that person and this level of effort isn’t reciprocated for you . I have learned through bad experiences to try and not do that . As we place expectations on others that they won’t meet as they aren’t you .

I’d be upset too if I’d put in this much effort - but I’d try to put it down to experience and move on.

If I was you, I’d just stop all the helping now.

Carry on offering mentoring to your colleagues IF they request it but just step back from all other assistance and go with the flow.
if anyone mentions it say -‘ I’ve done my turn and I’m happy to pass on the baton to someone else’.

I agree it's particularly bad if OP is the boss. She's asking people to hand their earnings back to her for these gifts and getting upset they don't want to buy her flashy gifts. Totally out of order from an employer.

Only the admin lady knows my birthday at work because she has computer access to certain data. (Very large organisation) She’s been expressly told she may never divulge it. That’s because I don’t want to be part of the nonsense that goes on around these events. When colleagues bring a cake for their birthday I partake in it, even though I don’t want to eat it. And I contribute generously to whatever latest collection there is. Of which there seems to be one a week. It’s a never ending circus. I don’t mind for one off important events, having a baby, leaving after 10 years …

Every year without fail the admin lady will secretly wish me happy birthday. And say am I sure I don’t want the others to know, we play this dance for over a decade…..

Ah, the OP wants them to “bring their whole self to work”.

You get your colleagues a voucher on their work anniversary out of your own money? That is super weird

Sorry for previous long post , but I also specifically wanted to comment on the birthday aspect .
I think we all need to accept that some of us see celebrating birthdays as a big thing and others aren’t that bothered .
I am someone who loves birthdays , buying gifts and trying to make it special for others including my kids .
i don’t like the instagram / social media pressure that has been put on people - that their self worth is defined in costly celebrations where they put pressure on others to attend costly celebrations and buy expensive gifts .

What I would like is for for friends / loved ones to be thoughtful on my birthday and even just send me a text , think about me and ask what I might be doing to celebrate and make me feel thought of on the day .
I do realise that everyone is busy and I am not on eg Facebook where friends etc might get reminders .

I had a really miserable birthday this year . As recently separated , with teenagers - whilst I got a few cards and presents there was nothing planned on the day for me and I felt really lonely and pathetic .

My teenagers spent most of the day in bed . I suppose everyone else assumed that some one else might do something for me , so no one did .

I am not talking extravagant celebrations , but just something nice for me - even if a coffee out . Or even a quick call .

I know I could have asked a friend if they were free and fancied doing something , but felt a bit pathetic in having to ask people to do something for me .

I accept that I am probably a people pleaser and people would probably think I don’t want a fuss . I don’t want a fuss - but don’t want to be completely forgotten about either !
Not meaning to hijack the thread - but just wanted to put the perspective of someone who is lonely and would want others to think of those of their own friends / relatives who might be on their own .

Let this be a message to you that no one actually likes your birthday gift organising. Stop being the self appointed head prefect at work !

Have a year off from the birthday gifts etc. Just buy the person a card that everyone signs.

Plenty of people in my job don't donate but sign the card anyway. I just think work collections should stop as someone is always going to be excluded, along with collections for teachers.

I remember dd2 was in Yr 6 during Covid and as times were hard but I wanted to do something nice for their teacher, I organised the end of year collection & got £1.50 from everyone. That got her a nice present for around £45. I was slightly embarrassed though on her behalf when the 2 Yr 6 teachers were presented with their gifts. The teacher of the other class had the same present but a gift card too with quite a large amount on it