Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to have lost my shit at ds14

189 replies

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:31

Can I just say that I am usually a calm parent who just generally can talk through issues with the children. I think it was years ago that I last lost my temper.

Ds14 - I have to nag him every day to brush his teeth/wash. I was away at the weekend and I came home last night. Ds has not washed since Saturday... I asked him to make sure he showered today and when I came home from work - he still hadn't!

I reminded him to make sure he showered before dinner but he told me to stop making a deal out of it and he would do it afterwards, he refused to go to wash beforehand.

The weight of 14 years of daily reminders of "dont forget to brush your teeth" and cajoling him into the shower every other day - came crashing down and I lost it.

I feel terrible. I even had to have glass of wine to calm myself down. Do all teenage boys not wash and i should have managed this better?

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 28/10/2025 21:38

You have done his future wife/husband a favour!

How did he react?

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

OP posts:
MyballsareSandy2015 · 28/10/2025 21:41

Was he with his dad when you were away? Why hasn’t he insisted on a shower/tooth brushing?

This is quite a normal phase Op, albeit a minging one. They do grow out of it.

RomComPhooey · 28/10/2025 21:44

Not all teenage boys are minging. Mine both showered and brushed their teeth daily without any prompting. DS2 often showers twice a day, first thing and after exercise later in the day.

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:44

He told dh that he was going to go and wash but dh didnt think to follow up and check.... 🧐

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/10/2025 21:45

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

Lose your shit occasionally, which is what you did.
It will have done your son no harm whatsoever.
It's not like you do it all the time - you're only human @Brendathebear

Princesspollyyy · 28/10/2025 21:46

I have two teenage boys, and they have always been meticulous about showering and brushing their teeth. They would be mortified if anyone thought they smelled or had bad breath / not brushed their teeth.

So I wouldn’t say it’s a phase all teenage boys go through, just some teenagers it seems.

I dont think you were unreasonable, he definitely needs to take personal hygiene more seriously.

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:46

@RomComPhooey how have you managed this??! I have 2 older clean, lovely smelling children but not sure what has gone wrong with the third.....

OP posts:
yousillygoose · 28/10/2025 21:47

My 15 year old son is like this. In fact, this has just reminded me to message him to tell him to shower.
He even has a girlfriend now so you’d think he’d be in his overdoing it on the lynx era, but nope. I think he last showered sometime last week.
Don’t even get me started on teeth brushing. He has fixed braces on too so all the more reason to keep dental hygiene standards up!!
Head and brick wall come to mind.
Solidarity OP

LizzieSiddal · 28/10/2025 21:50

Don’t worry about losing your shit very occasionally. 14 is a tricky age and they do sometimes need reminders that you are the parent and need to do what you ask, they aren’t adults yet.

RomComPhooey · 28/10/2025 21:51

I don’t know what we did that’s made the difference. We all shower daily and the kids had a bath before bed every night when they were little. Once they hit puberty and got sweatier they insisted on morning showers before school. Tooth brushing has never been a problem.

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:52

@yousillygoose thank you for writing this. I'm sick to death of the constant narrative - Me -"Brush your teeth", Ds -" Yeah, I will now", on repeat 4 times per evening/morning.

Its making me a feel full of rage.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 28/10/2025 21:52

Okay this might sound a bit out there, and id be interested in knowing other people's thoughts/experiences on this.
I hated showering as a teenager and im hindsight it was literally because i run really cold, and my mum ran the house at a cool temperature, and I hated HATED getting out of my warm clothes to stand in a cold bathroom, to get warm again in the shower, to get out and be cold again. As an adult in charge of the temperature in my house, I no longer have this problem.
Some people reading this may be going 'are you neurodiverse' and yes, I suspect i am, but I cant be the only person who didnt shower as a teenager because they hated being cold! There must be other teen-logical reasons out there! Maybe try and figure out what might be the driver, is what im saying. Is he just lazy or is there a genuine practical reason (as im not saying its neurodiversity in the slightest)

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:53

I think he is just lazy......

OP posts:
AngryBookworm · 28/10/2025 21:56

My younger brother was the same and grew out of it in a couple of years once the self-awareness caught up to the hormones a bit. Not all teenage boys are like this but it's definitely the case for some.

Completely reasonable to lose your shit and maybe he'll take you more seriously next time. Hope the wine is doing its job!

SleafordSods · 28/10/2025 21:56

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:46

@RomComPhooey how have you managed this??! I have 2 older clean, lovely smelling children but not sure what has gone wrong with the third.....

Mine worked out really quickly in High School that not smelling nice was deeply uncool and nobody wanted to be with the smelly kids.

Dweetfidilove · 28/10/2025 21:56

It's okay to lose your shit every once in a while.
How did your husband completely miss this for days? I'd lose my shit at him too.

Hankunamatata · 28/10/2025 21:58

Iv teen boys and yep bloody shower dodgers at times due to pure laziness.

Eldest showers now but I get the rage as he is terrible for coming in from sport not showering and jumping into bed and showering the next morning - so hos bed reeks. I flip my lid regually over that one

Middle teen we had to get rude and tell him he smells and everyone will take the mick at school. Its slowly sinking in.

Youngest pain to get into the shower but will be in there for hours if left to own devices

Dont get me started on teeth brushing. Iv now booked them into hygienist every 3 months as seems to help them realised they need to brush

dippy567 · 28/10/2025 21:59

I would probably let this slide, as long as doing teeth. But I regularly lose my shit with my 13 year old...

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 22:06

Everyone else in the house is really clean and showers daily. Im finding the constant cajoling, reminding and nagging beyond painful. I've done it every day for about 11 years.

If I add it up approx 3 times teeth brushing nagging in the morning, another three in the evening and 4 go and have a shower nags every other day.

That equates in total to 24,090 teeth brushing requests and 8,030 shower nags.

No wonder it unleashed the beast...!

OP posts:
ohyesido · 28/10/2025 22:07

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

he will when he discovers that girls/boys like clean hair, teeth and body in a boyfriend

Driftingawaynow · 28/10/2025 22:08

You shouted at him and made him cry. That’s horrible

WelshRabBite · 28/10/2025 22:11

How come you’re the only parent in the house doing any parenting?

Does your H not care if his son’s teeth rot and he has no friends because he’s the stinky kid in school that no one wants to sit next to?

If you could trust your H to actually parent when you weren’t there, then even if your DS continued to be a lazy bugger, you’d only be telling him to shower 50% of the time that you are now.

Does your H always make you bad cop with your DC?

Original poster
Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 22:14

Actually dh does his fair share of nagging too. He did tell him on Monday morning to get in to the shower too. I got home before he got home from work.

Its a busy household, there are other children and demands and dh and I both work full time.

I didnt mean to make ds cry but I was disappointed, angry and exasperated. He never usually sees me shouting

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/10/2025 22:15

Driftingawaynow · 28/10/2025 22:08

You shouted at him and made him cry. That’s horrible

He didn't shower despite being asked many times, and promising to do so.

That's horrible.