..to have lost my shit at ds14

[Brendathebear]

Can I just say that I am usually a calm parent who just generally can talk through issues with the children. I think it was years ago that I last lost my temper.

Ds14 - I have to nag him every day to brush his teeth/wash. I was away at the weekend and I came home last night. Ds has not washed since Saturday... I asked him to make sure he showered today and when I came home from work - he still hadn't!

I reminded him to make sure he showered before dinner but he told me to stop making a deal out of it and he would do it afterwards, he refused to go to wash beforehand.

The weight of 14 years of daily reminders of "dont forget to brush your teeth" and cajoling him into the shower every other day - came crashing down and I lost it.

I feel terrible. I even had to have glass of wine to calm myself down. Do all teenage boys not wash and i should have managed this better?

Well I’d better hand myself in and ask for multiple offences to be considered.

Seriously? Teen boys occasionally need a bollocking. That’s how they learn. And then they come out the other side and are delightful 20 plus year olds.

@Maray1967 Can you imagine the Army apologising because they humiliate the odd trainee? Why are these boys allowed to get away with their unreasonable behaviour? We now know. They are delicate little flowers who are hurt and humiliated when they have upset their parents for months, if not years! This is why young men rule the roost.

Don't worry OP..Once girls come on the scene you won't get him out of the bathroom..😎

My DS, now 35, had to be nagged to shower, by me and his siblings. He's still a bit 'water shy' and doesn't shower daily!

I wouldn't feel bad at all, I have a 12 year old daughter who is very hygienic and showers/ baths, my youngest on the other hand who is 11, I am constantly screaming at her that the fastest way for an infection to get to your heart is through your gums, so if you dont brush your teeth you will die. So brush your teeth and wash or your going to make the whole house stink 🤷‍♀️.

We were in the same boat not so long ago. Refused to wash, brush teeth and look alive. I kept making a point of telling him he had yellow rat teeth and he smelt that bad I didn’t want him around me. I truly didn’t, he turned my perimenopausal stomach sick. DH told his dentist at a dental appointment that he didn’t care about brushing his teeth. He was wearing the same clothes day in day out and didn’t care about his appearance. We got to the point of not allowing him to come out with us unless he sorted himself out. We had all made the effort to be clean, do our hair, teeth, dress accordingly and he needed to follow suit or be left at home. He missed out on a few family meals and gatherings. I sound harsh but he needed to hear it and I wasn’t going to blow smoke up his backside and continue to allow it. He’s 15 now and showers twice a day. He has a range of aftershaves, a box of different Lynx deodorants and smells lovely. Still doesn’t do his hair and he lies about brushing his teeth sometimes. His dress sense has improved slightly although he doesn’t do clothes and wears what we think he would like. Struggles in that regard and hasn’t found his style as such but he’s showering so I’m calling it a win.

Honestly, losing your temper occasionally is a good thing in my book. Obviously not all the time, but roaring when it all becomes too much reminds the family that you won't be trodden on and taken for granted. I lose my shit about once a year, I find it serves me well, generally.

You are amazing and doing the best you can. DS is going through a horrible frustrating phase, but it will pass. Good luck.

Just a little update - bless the lad, he's been amazing. Daily showers and teeth brushing since my melt down! Ive not even had to use the WiFi threat!

We had a lovely day out today together. All is good!

Excellent update!

Shows how sometimes our kids need a short, sharp shock to knock them into shape.

Awesome, sometimes losing your shit …….

There’s no secret. This is so so normal. Just like when he was a baby and a toddler, it’s a phase. It’ll pass

tell him to just brush the teeth that he would like to keep and not to bother with the others. Remind him - once - that being unwashed ultimately leads to no girlfriend / boyfriend and to people noticing. Tell him it’s just your job as a mum to fill him in on this info

and then just stop, stop going on at him. Not working is it? Just causing tension.

I promise you now - give it a few years if that and you won’t get him out the shower. My now 18 year old was exactly the same and now of course, he showers daily etc etc:

so deep breath. It’s all a phase and it’s time to ignore it and stop, well, nagging!

My 12yo seems allergic to soap too, he can be stinking and have zero care or awareness and moans like hell about having to shower, needs reminders to use deodorant but thankfully teeth brushing not an issue

I don't get it, the constant push back against it. We're constantly telling him 'look if we don't tell you that you reek then it's going to be your peers and that's something that will stick and follow you around for the rest of your school life!' But he still doesn't seem to care!

Yes, exactly
Just typical teen rebellion, God Bless Them
Most surely not horrible at all 🤗