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Original poster

..to have lost my shit at ds14

189 replies

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:31

Can I just say that I am usually a calm parent who just generally can talk through issues with the children. I think it was years ago that I last lost my temper.

Ds14 - I have to nag him every day to brush his teeth/wash. I was away at the weekend and I came home last night. Ds has not washed since Saturday... I asked him to make sure he showered today and when I came home from work - he still hadn't!

I reminded him to make sure he showered before dinner but he told me to stop making a deal out of it and he would do it afterwards, he refused to go to wash beforehand.

The weight of 14 years of daily reminders of "dont forget to brush your teeth" and cajoling him into the shower every other day - came crashing down and I lost it.

I feel terrible. I even had to have glass of wine to calm myself down. Do all teenage boys not wash and i should have managed this better?

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 28/10/2025 23:32

I'm not a fan of technology per se, but do wonder if this is a good use of it. Those of you with an Alexa, can you programme it to say "Time to brush your teeth Billy.....Brush your teeth now Billy....Brush your teeth or the WiFi's going off Billy.....(click) The WiFi has been switched off until your parent confirms you have brushed your teeth"?

I bloody love the idea of outsourcing nagging!

InterestedDad37 · 28/10/2025 23:47

If husband didn't follow it up, then I'm afraid it's rather obvious where dear son learns his attitude of 'it doesn't matter' from.
And it's absolutely not a phase all boys go through.

Sonolanona · 28/10/2025 23:52

I used to turn the wifi off and confiscate his phone til my soap dodger showered and did his teeth! Age 12-14 was the worst but then he got a girlfriend and it was long showers and death by Lynx😂
I was so worried he'd have terrible teeth, but the devil looks after his own, and his teeth are perfect!

Maray1967 · 29/10/2025 00:05

AutumnCosy2025 · 28/10/2025 22:58

He's 14 years, not months.

Soap Dodger will get over it!

@Brendathebear

you've done him a favour, now sit back & see if he showers & cleans his teeth without being bagged.

dont jeep apologising fir losing your shit or it'll lose its impact, he needs to know it was deserved!

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Agreed. One of mine went through a slight soap dodging phase - fortunately DH was tough on him otherwise I would have exploded.
Teen boys need firm boundaries and the occasional short sharp shock of a parental bollocking is a useful technique to employ.

707girl · 29/10/2025 00:12

I'm told that once they start dating, they make up for the lack of washing and suddenly become very interested in being clean..... hopefully.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 29/10/2025 00:19

He's 14

Just leave him to it!

FFS what is it with MN and obsessing over when your teens shower? With a slightly creepy level of checking up on them to make sure they have...

RoseAlone · 29/10/2025 00:43

Brendathebear · 28/10/2025 21:41

I'm ashamed to say I made him cry.... but he did shower though. I never really lose my temper but when I do on the rare occasion, I apparently can be quite scary.

Has anyone got a secret to make teenage boys go near water?

I think that him washing is the least of your problems. It was no big deal and yet you embarrassed, humiliated and hurt him. Your priority should include a lot of grovelling, apologising and working hard to regain his trust. This is a you problem, not a him problem.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/10/2025 00:54

This is a you problem, not a him problem.

Nonsense.
He's a disobedient tyke with poor hygiene.

TheSandgroper · 29/10/2025 01:42

Parenting teenagers with guidance and example is all very well and good most of the time. You can parent to how you wish your life was but you also need to parent the moment you are living, too.

So, on occasion, there is nothing like a slap in the face with a wet fish as a parenting technique.

TheSandgroper · 29/10/2025 01:47

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 29/10/2025 00:19

He's 14

Just leave him to it!

FFS what is it with MN and obsessing over when your teens shower? With a slightly creepy level of checking up on them to make sure they have...

Because, some teenagers stink. They leave a lingering stench everywhere they go.

And why should everyone else live in the reek?

AutumnCosy2025 · 29/10/2025 03:09

RoseAlone · 29/10/2025 00:43

I think that him washing is the least of your problems. It was no big deal and yet you embarrassed, humiliated and hurt him. Your priority should include a lot of grovelling, apologising and working hard to regain his trust. This is a you problem, not a him problem.

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Ridiculous.

let's hope you have time to sort yourself out before you have teenagers

AutumnCosy2025 · 29/10/2025 03:16

Endofyear · 28/10/2025 22:48

I have 5 sons and yes the nagging is exhausting! Don't feel guilty for losing your rag, you're only human 😂 give him a cuddle and tell him you love him and that's why you get cross when he doesn't look after himself - because you don't want him to be dirty and smelly, people won't want to be near him!

Might be a good idea to make him an appointment at the dentist for a check up and have a quiet word so the dentist gives him a bit of a lecture about what happens if you don't look after your teeth! Toothache and decay is painful and having fillings and extractions is no fun!

Maybe turn off the wifi when necessary and tell him it goes on again when he's had a shower!!

My sons are all adults now and their personal hygiene is much better, they are always clean and do brush their teeth so they get there in the end!

5 sons - the wine is ALL yours!

ForeverHopeful3 · 29/10/2025 03:19

LOL I don't have children yet but if they act like this at any point, there will be a lot of crying while they correct their behavior and mommy enjoys an edible to calm herself down😂

Don't feel bad-- the child needs to keep himself clean. We are not cavemen anymore lol

NoArmaniNoPunani · 29/10/2025 03:21

My son is the same. Earlier I told him I could smell him next to me on the new sofa so he needed to get in the shower then come back down to sit with me. About an hour later I found him scrolling his phone sitting on the stairs. He'd decided that was a better option than a quick shower and a return to the sofa.

wandawaves · 29/10/2025 03:46

Well, it's better you made him cry, rather than a bunch a bullying teenagers at school teasing him that he'll never get be kissed because he's gross and smells and has furry teeth.

Gremlins101 · 29/10/2025 05:27

Approach him with a cold hosepipe

tripleginandtonic · 29/10/2025 05:29

My ds changed over night just before secondary school from being water avoidant to showering daily and using deodorant and hair products.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 29/10/2025 05:37

My 13 year old is the same. Constantly reminding him. He came back from a school trip and his brand new toothbrush was bone dry and new toothpaste unsqueezed! I was horrified. We generally use humour with him but some days it’’s exhausting. It’s quite normal. His bedroom is immaculate, works hard with schoolwork and doesn’t go on his PlayStation in the week so I pick my battles. I’ve started saying how nice his teeth look abd how gorgeous he looks when he’s just had a wash. New tactic.

AgentJohnson · 29/10/2025 05:39

Stop telling him to shower, unless there is SN issue he’s well aware. You need to match his ‘forgetful’ energy, The WI-FI he uses, the data plan he has etc are all privileges and what is given can easily be taken away. Make him a sticker chart and he can earn good boy stickers that he can exchange for Wi-Fi access etc. It is his job to prove to you he has showered and brushed his teeth, it isn’t your job to chase him.

JustMe2026 · 29/10/2025 05:44

Our teenagers boys now 15 never a problem teeth or washing for years

Flatandhappy · 29/10/2025 06:07

I don’t think it’s awful for kids to learn that parents are human too and if they push it too far they might get a reaction they don’t like. Nobody feels good making their kids cry but he is 14, not 4, so can hopefully work out for himself why you reached the end of your tether. I just make sure to never go to sleep on cross words.

battairzeedurgzome · 29/10/2025 06:29

RoseAlone · 29/10/2025 00:43

I think that him washing is the least of your problems. It was no big deal and yet you embarrassed, humiliated and hurt him. Your priority should include a lot of grovelling, apologising and working hard to regain his trust. This is a you problem, not a him problem.

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Grovelling? To a stinky teenager? I think not.

VenusClapTrap · 29/10/2025 06:38

RoseAlone · 29/10/2025 00:43

I think that him washing is the least of your problems. It was no big deal and yet you embarrassed, humiliated and hurt him. Your priority should include a lot of grovelling, apologising and working hard to regain his trust. This is a you problem, not a him problem.

Edited
Show quote history

LOL

forgotmyusername1 · 29/10/2025 06:42

My 13 year old son is terrible with teeth brushing.

In the end if I went to bed and he hadn't done his teeth I got him out of bed to do them.

Took about 4 days of midnight tooth cleaning but the message sunk in that if he doesn't do his teeth he will get a midnight visit from the tooth fairy (me)

Neemie · 29/10/2025 06:49

I think teenagers can find these daily tasks very onerous. They act as if they have they have the weight of the world on their shoulders as they head towards the shower. If they have to get the soap out of the cupboard, it can tip them over the edge.