WWYD more that AIBU? He slapped me

[changingsonooneknows]

I was in bed with my husband and 4 year old son this morning. We were all talking and joking (so all awake). My husband closed his eyes for a second and I put my finger on his nostril (not inside), just as a joke for my son. He reacted really really angry screaming and then he slapped my shoulder (it hurt but didn’t leave a mark), and then stormed out swearing. I’m in shock, what should I do? I know I was annoying him but that seems extreme? He has been tired recently but we were all very awake in the bed…

I’m usually the last to say LTB but that’s a really bad sign. I wouldn’t be ok with that level of disrespect

Unbelievable the number of people who seem to think that putting your finger on someone's nose (in a similar way to things you have both done to each other before) is just as wrong as screaming at someone, HITTING them hard enough to hurt them, swearing at them and storming off while still shouting.

Anyone who thinks this is a reasonable response wants to pick their standards off the floor. What does he do if a colleague or one of his children annoys him? Does he slap them too?

I voted yabu because I thought from your op it was an instinct slap, and while not great, more understandable. However from further posts I see it wasn’t. I hope he’s just trying to make sure the kids are ok and it will be followed up with a mortified apology.

Oh ok. Anything that unreasonable can be reasonably met with violence? That’s how you roll?

If we’re unreasonable, then objecting strongly, using his WORDS, might have sufficed.

Do people you live with live in fear of your violent behaviour? Is that the regime you run at home @MrsSkylerWhite?

Usually I'd immediately say there's no excuse for aggressive behaviour or violence... but without being there I honestly don't know what to think in this case.

If I were relaxed with my eyes closed in bed and someone covered my nostrils, I could imagine having a pure panic response and lashing out. It's a weird and really invasive thing to do (I'm not shouty and have never hit anyone in my life).

I think it hinges on how out of character this is for him?

Some people might say that. In fact, DH could have said that at the time (if OP had done that which she didn't).
The concern is not just how he reacted in the moment, it's how he continued to react for a while afterwards.

You have exaggerated what the OP said.

Have I? Where?

You’re both idiots.

For a start teaching your child touching someone’s face when their eyes are shut is “funny” is highly inappropriate.

His reaction tells you why. The slap may have been fight or flight. Not great but your OP doesn’t give enough info for me to decide.

However it is NEVER ok to cover a breathing outlet of somebody - especially if they have their eyes closed. It’s never ok to touch someone intrusively if their eyes are closed and they can’t consent.

If it’s a game you both play you both need to stop now.

OP you have a lot of things to sort out if swearing at you or your kids in anger and slapping in anger is happening. In front of your kids.

It will damage you. It will damage your kids and also their future relationships.

It is not normal or acceptable.

She said nostril, not nostrils. You’ve double what she said.

I wasn't quoting you. Several posters had said they would potentially lash out as a reflex.

How much provocation justifies violence?

Some real fucking apologists on here.

First time it’s always a slap.

@Overthewaytwice Wow, the amount embellishments to OP's post to justify violence is amazing. From "sticking finger up nose" (she didn't) to now "covered nostrils" (where did she say that? The only instinctive reflex many posters have on this thread seems to be to blame the woman for domestic violence at all costs.

Has he been like this ever before? If it's really out of character for someone you've been with a long time perhaps he was fast asleep and it gave him a real fright.

I've had sleep paralysis then woke up suddenly shouting and lashing out in fear and it can happen when dozing in the morning. Also happens more when stressed and tired.

No no no...being irritating isn't an excuse for hitting someone, swearing and storming off is also a problem. If you take the blame for this you'll be walking on egg shells for the rest of your life with an increasing list of reasons why it's your fault he hit you - he's stressed, he's tired, you're nagging, you exist...

So he does these kind of pranks on you too? It was a shitty thing to do, but his reaction was way over the line.

What kind of things has he done to you?

I massively hate pranks, so I'd not be happy in the kind of relationship where they happen often. I accept others feel differently, but surely there needs to be underlining respect and accepted boundaries.

Poster said 'Next time don't be so silly' - how is that down to earth, come on!!

This exact thing happened in my marriage, my husband did this to me when I was dozing, thinking it was funny, and I leapt up and hit him in the face. Never did it again. I felt attacked in that moment. I'm not sure that's what's happening here, but when you poke people, they may react. My husband told me never to hit him again and I told him never to poke his finger in my nose 'for a joke' when I was sleeping/dozing, and that was that, but it is somehow disconcerting and intrusive to have this done to you, his reaction was over the top and I think you will have to read it in the context of the whole relationship and whether he is ever 'handsy' or aggressive apart from this- if he is, it takes on a whole different complexion.

You need to say we need to talk, and say to him when I put my finger on your nose this morning, it’s the kind of thing you do to me all the time to make our kids laugh. Do not ever do anything like it to me again after the way you reacted this morning. I certainly won’t be touching you like that again after you hit me and swore this morning. If you ever hit me again, I will call the police. You didn’t even apologise to me, so look at me and know I mean every word. Our child saw you hit me, I hope you meant every word of your apology to them but you have not apologised to me. If you ever hit me again I WILL call the police on you.

Oh look, Andrew Tate is on the thread.

I never understand why some couples try to annoy each other. Especially to get a laugh from a toddler. Me and dh annoy each other enough without trying to. Why behave like that?

But no he should not have hit you at all. Would he hit the child if he did it, since you are both teaching your children to annoy people like this. Which again is ridiculous.

Ffs, so many posters on this thread so fucking unable to read and/or desperate to excuse a violent man. The slap wasn't a fight or flight response. We know that because he did a lot of other things before he slapped her shoulder.

You are saying domestic abuse is ok ?!!!!

I swear people cannot read what I’ve actually said