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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel about this if I was your DIL?

628 replies

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:22

It’s my husband’s 40th next year, and we’ve been talking about booking a holiday to celebrate. The idea came up in front of my parents, and they said they’d love to come along. My husband was fine with that, so I went ahead today and booked flights for a 4-night break. It’ll be me, my husband, our two kids and my parents.

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

There’s no plan to invite them, Id rather not go if they did to be honest! (and my husband isn’t bothered at all about them being there), but I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

For context, we get on much better with my parents. They’re very easy-going, and my husband would definitely agree. My FIL, on the other hand, can be quite difficult, and I’m not particularly close to him or my MIL.

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/10/2025 18:25

I might be a bit irked.

I'm not a the moment though, I'm just happy I got to use the word 'irked'.

TheWytch · 27/10/2025 18:25

Yes - if my son was going to be 40 and his PIL were invited on a celebratory holiday but not me I'd be very hurt indeed.

Fortunately my own DIL is lovely.

TidyDancer · 27/10/2025 18:26

Are you going to be away for his actual birthday? If so then yeah this is pretty shitty of you tbh.

HesarealJacquelineHigh · 27/10/2025 18:27

I couldn’t imagine inviting my own parents but not DH’s for his birthday. I know mil would be gutted to be left out

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 18:27

I'd be pretty pissed off.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2025 18:28

I imagine they’ll be very upset, wouldn't you be? But it’s his birthday and if he doesn’t like them much or want them there he can tell them the plan.

Original poster
MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:28

TidyDancer · 27/10/2025 18:26

Are you going to be away for his actual birthday? If so then yeah this is pretty shitty of you tbh.

Yes we will be.

Weekend after I will be doing a party for him, which they will be invited too obviously.

OP posts:
Naws · 27/10/2025 18:28

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

That was convenient considering you've said you wouldn't want to go if they did.

And yes, they're very likely to be upset at the thought of you and your parents celebrating their son's 40th, without so much as a single thought towards them.

Alignedplanks98 · 27/10/2025 18:28

It’s fine if it’s not on the actual day! Otherwise, you should have consulted!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 27/10/2025 18:28

That’s really shitty behaviour.

Brefugee · 27/10/2025 18:29

i would be irked
don'T be mean, invite them too

EarnestBull · 27/10/2025 18:29

That’s mad. You can’t invite your parents and not his to his 40th! Unless there is something very toxic about them.

rubyslippers · 27/10/2025 18:29

They would rightly be extremely upset at being excluded from their son’s 40th when your parents are going
there’s no way you don’t think this is shitty behaviour

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/10/2025 18:29

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 18:27

I'd be pretty pissed off.

"thoroughly irked"

Muchtoomuchtodo · 27/10/2025 18:29

I think they’ll be upset but it’s your DH’s decision and his news to tell.

Puskiesauce · 27/10/2025 18:29

Flip it around - imagine that was your child and they chose to go away with their partner's parents...

PracticalPixie · 27/10/2025 18:30

Oof, that's very thoughtless (at best) and will look like a deliberate snub. Awful idea unless you really enjoy drama!

OMGitsnotgood · 27/10/2025 18:30

I wouldn’t be impressed at all, sorry.

Didntask · 27/10/2025 18:31

Depends - have they sounded out to you any ideas they may have for his birthday yet?

Original poster
MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:31

EarnestBull · 27/10/2025 18:29

That’s mad. You can’t invite your parents and not his to his 40th! Unless there is something very toxic about them.

As a couple and individually we get on better with my parents.

My husband would stop into my parents and have a chat with my dad, over going into his own parents, even when I'm away with work.

His parents are hard work, if I'm honest.

OP posts:
EarnestBull · 27/10/2025 18:31

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...
…. I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

Surely nobody is this ‘naive’??

TheatricalLife · 27/10/2025 18:31

Well it's up to DH really isn't it. If he wanted them along then I'd go with his wishes. I can't imagine that it will go down very well when they find out 😬

Honeybee0928 · 27/10/2025 18:31

Wow. Some people are really nasty. The poor woman is just asked a simple question. Just because she doesn’t get on with her MIL doesn’t mean she’s not lovely or she’s shitty. Maybe the MIL is a passive aggressive monster who doesn’t think anyone is good enough for her baby boy and maybe when celebrating she and her husband don’t want to be around that energy. Have a great holiday. If his parents want to be upset. Let them!

EarnestBull · 27/10/2025 18:32

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:31

As a couple and individually we get on better with my parents.

My husband would stop into my parents and have a chat with my dad, over going into his own parents, even when I'm away with work.

His parents are hard work, if I'm honest.

Show quote history

There is ‘hard work’. And there is abusive/toxic. Are you genuinely saying they are the latter?

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 18:32

MickeyThunder · 27/10/2025 18:31

As a couple and individually we get on better with my parents.

My husband would stop into my parents and have a chat with my dad, over going into his own parents, even when I'm away with work.

His parents are hard work, if I'm honest.

Show quote history

Maybe so, but by doing what you've done, you've basically given a big "fuck you" to his mum and dad.

Good luck dealing with the fallout.