Cold heartless daughter

[Beeings]

My daughter is 11. I went out to shop earlier and unfortunately fell. Two work men who were nearby came over to make sure I was ok and then helped me home. My daughter opened the door to see me hobbling up the path being supported by these two guys and her reaction? An eye roll. One of the guys said “your mum has just fallen” to which she rolled her eyes again and said “right”.

When they had gone I asked her why she’s so uncaring and she said I make a Rama out of everything and “why couldn’t you just walk home like a normal person? There isn’t even anything wrong with you”.

She’s always been like this, so cold and uncaring, why? AIBU to be upset by her reaction?

YANBU to be upset but I think it’s quite normal to feel embarrassed at that age.
Is sympathy something that is given freely in your household? It wasn’t in mine so at her age, I wouldn’t have made a display of empathy either because it wasn’t the done thing

Should also add that she gets irritated at people crying too, never shows concern.
“as if you cry because you fell over”
“oh here we go, let’s just cry constantly” etc etc

It would be difficult for anyone to make any informed comments about your daughter or her behaviours based on this one interaction. It sounds like you need to re-connect and talk to each other so you can find out what is going on with her.

I hope you leg feels better soon anyway.

That’s a sign then that she doesn’t feel able to be outwardly emotional and projects that onto others because it makes her uncomfortable.
you need to find the route of why she doesn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with her emotions and displaying sympathy.

Most 11 year olds would be mortified that their mum fell over.

How is she seeing you cry so much? I fall over a lot and I don’t cry. You say it like it’s a common occurrence.

She feels uncomfortable with the emotion. I don’t disregard people, but I would feel uncomfortable I think either way an adult crying at falling over. But I wouldn’t show it.

I think it’s quite telling that you describe her as cold and heartless. Which suggests you deal with emotions differently.

It depends if you have form for making a big drama out of things. I wouldn't say it was usual for an adult to cry after falling over.

Upsetting as it is,I think this sort of behaviour is quiet common in 11 year olds. If she was behaving like this 10 years down the line,then I'd be worried. And annoyed!

So you fell over and were crying? She was embarrassed! Do you have form for crying and drama? Why did you need two men to "help you home"? Had you broken a bone?

Sounds like she might have a point!

Are the poster who regularly posts about your terrible daughter and the multiple awful ways she treats you? And then usually follow it up with a load of backstory?

I’d be mortified if my sons acted this way. However, they know I’m very stoic so would be quite alarmed if someone was needing to help me. I’m going to go against the grain and say I don’t think that’s normal behaviour. Sounds like she has no empathy. Unless you really do always cause a drama…then I might think differently.

How old are you, how did you fall over and did it really need two blokes to help you home. I'm confused. Apologies if you have really hurt yourself, but I'd have jumped up embarrassed and dusted myself down ... I wouldn't want any help.

This.
Behind every behaviour of a child is the first adult in their life - usually a parent.

I don't want to generalise because I hate ageism. But my experience of children and teenagers in recent years has been a total lack of what I consider normal human caring and empathy. So I don't find your dd's reaction particularly surprising. Very sad. But my experience would say it's typical of a generation totally desensitised from normal human feeling.

It is not true that all 11 year olds would react this way.

I know for a fact mine wouldn't because they didn't when a similar situation occurred with us. In fact, of the 11 year olds I know very few would react like this. I'm sad for people who think this is the norm.

I think you are right to be concerned @Beeings There is a possibility that this could be an early sign of an emotional issue. Has she behaved like this at other times?

I would be addressing this whilst she is young so it doesn't grow into a bigger issue.

She was embarrassed. Kids that age are always embarrassed by their parents.

I don't think it's great to cry in front of your children regularly. I mean unless something life threatening happened.

I don't know, you don't mention going to A&E or damaging anything, but mention being supported by two guys. So unless you've missed out key information it sounds like you may have over dramaticised the situation. Which many people (especially teens) would find embarrassing.

She'll make a good politician....

Agreed...

This does sound a bit unnecessarily harsh on her part BUT, she is only 11 and yes, tweens and teens are usually pretty indifferent to how adults feel.

And I can't help but think that there are a few red flags for you in this post alone. The language you use about her isn't great - you haven't even incuded the standard disclaimer when parents are ranting about their children, "he's a great kid but..." "She can be so kind and funny but....."

Also, I tend to agree, if you needed two men to walk you home, I assume you then went straight to A&E? Because a simple fall shouldn't require that level of assistance, and a more serious fall would require an additional level of care subsequently. So it does rather sound like perhaps you DO make a lot of drama? How often do you cry? Most adults I'd say do not routinely cry in front of their children without really good reasons.

I feel like if you needed to be brought home by 2 guys, you may have needed to go to the walk-in centre at least. If not, then I'm with your DD, you were being dramatic.

My 80yr granny fell and smashed her cheek on the kerb, stood up, brushed herself off and walked herself home... before we demanded she go to the walk-in as her face was nothing but bruise and swelling!

That you are describing her as 'cold and heartless' does hint that you might be a bit melodramatic, OP. She's a preteen; everything embarrasses them.

If you lean towards a bit of a drama llama she's reacting to that.

Shout out to the two nice workmen who helped you home.
There are still good people about...

Not sure OP. Something about your post makes me suspicious. A bit of the narc about it tbh. ‘Cold, heartless daughter…’ she's 11. Do you look to her for validation and show lots of emotion to get it? I’m not sure, but the way your post is written isn’t quite sitting right.

How often do you cry in front of her?