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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cold heartless daughter

264 replies

Beeings · 27/10/2025 16:03

My daughter is 11. I went out to shop earlier and unfortunately fell. Two work men who were nearby came over to make sure I was ok and then helped me home. My daughter opened the door to see me hobbling up the path being supported by these two guys and her reaction? An eye roll. One of the guys said “your mum has just fallen” to which she rolled her eyes again and said “right”.

When they had gone I asked her why she’s so uncaring and she said I make a Rama out of everything and “why couldn’t you just walk home like a normal person? There isn’t even anything wrong with you”.

She’s always been like this, so cold and uncaring, why? AIBU to be upset by her reaction?

OP posts:
HeadDeskHeadDesk · 27/10/2025 16:39

FoxRedPuppy · 27/10/2025 16:13

I think it’s quite telling that you describe her as cold and heartless. Which suggests you deal with emotions differently.

Or that she is painfully aware that her daughter is shaping up to be a sociopath.

Baconbun · 27/10/2025 16:39

Beeings · 27/10/2025 16:06

Should also add that she gets irritated at people crying too, never shows concern.
“as if you cry because you fell over”
“oh here we go, let’s just cry constantly” etc etc

Im way in my 30s op and ive been like this since childhood.
I cant deal with people wining and crying over crap, or them that cry when watching film.

Mewling · 27/10/2025 16:39

Monster6 · 27/10/2025 16:36

Not sure OP. Something about your post makes me suspicious. A bit of the narc about it tbh. ‘Cold, heartless daughter…’ she's 11. Do you look to her for validation and show lots of emotion to get it? I’m not sure, but the way your post is written isn’t quite sitting right.

This. As the daughter of an enormous drama llama, I’m getting similar vibes here.

Thundertoast · 27/10/2025 16:41

OP, is it possible that the truth is somewhere in the middle.

She might not be cold and heartless, you might not be a crybaby, you might just be very different people who have different sensitivities and needs?
You might also be a crybaby and you dont realise it because its normal to you, so you think her not reacting to you with sympathy every time is a sign she is cold, when the reality is that you cry much more than a normal person and dont realise it and she is fatigued - if you are honest with yourself could that be the case?

BettysRoasties · 27/10/2025 16:42

I mean if I fell over and cried my children would be so anxious because it’s not normal it would mean I was very very hurt.

Bit like if I fall asleep on the sofa I must be sick and that act accordingly. Dad falls asleep and it’s eye roll dads snoring again.

So either you do, do this all the time and you’ve become the dad sleeping on the sofa or you’ve raised her to be embarrassed by such things.

Your use of cold and heartless about your own preteen makes me think your dad on the sofa.

Wednesdayonline · 27/10/2025 16:42

TwinklyStork · 27/10/2025 16:16

So you fell over and were crying? She was embarrassed! Do you have form for crying and drama? Why did you need two men to "help you home"? Had you broken a bone?

Sounds like she might have a point!

Edited
Show quote history

This, I mean if it's so bad you can't walk unaided why didn't you get a taxi to A&E?

Tiswa · 27/10/2025 16:42

FoxRedPuppy · 27/10/2025 16:13

I think it’s quite telling that you describe her as cold and heartless. Which suggests you deal with emotions differently.

This - children tend to either emulate or go the other way to parents - it is human nature

given yoir responses it looks likely she keeps her emotions in check

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/10/2025 16:43

What the hell is going on?! No it is not normal for a tweenage girl to be this nasty and uncaring. It is also perfectly possible to have a fall that is initially very painful and you need a bit of help walking straight after, but not actually have an injury that requires medical attention. I’m astounded by the comments on this thread!

YourOliveBalonz · 27/10/2025 16:46

Labelling your daughter as ‘cold and heartless’ because rolled her eyes and told you that you are dramatic gives me the impression she may have a point here. You don’t mention any serious injury, and yet have posted a grievance here that your child didn’t provide enough sympathy. Are you often the victim? Does she perhaps see this as some sort of manipulation on your part for attention?

gannett · 27/10/2025 16:47

You've started a thread on the internet calling your daughter COLD and HEARTLESS because, like many tweens, she was a bit self-absorbed and embarrassed by her parents.

Seems like she might be right about you making a drama out of everything.

shhblackbag · 27/10/2025 16:47

I don't know. I would have called a taxi instead of having two people escort me home. It does seem a bit dramatic. If you were that hurt, go get it looked at.

The truth is probably in between.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/10/2025 16:48

I think your labelling is very extreme from one event. I totally get why you are concerned though. If it helps I should tell you my DS was like this at 11 too. There were 3 particular occasions that stand out in my memory that devastated me, where he refused to help and just rolled his eyes. One was very serious where a family member ended up being removed by ambulance to A&E and he refused to leave when called and refused to cooperate, then started a massive row about how unfair it was because we were supposed to get pizza or something. I can't even remember but I remember genuinely worrying if he was a sociopath. He is still young but a good person and empathetic but doesn't like being around intense emotions.

PithyTaupeWriter · 27/10/2025 16:48

There is a lot of missing context. How do you react if she hurts herself? Just wondering if she's always been dismissed in a similar way, so she reacts that way to her because that's what you've always done to her? My mother would probably say something similar about me, but I act towards her like I don't care about her because she's always made it clear that she doesn't care about me.

Or she could be a sociopath. Impossible to tell without further information.

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 16:48

There's something in your comments about your DD that make me think you cry in front of her a lot.

Be honest with yourself - do you? And are you somehow relying on an 11yo to make you feel better?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 27/10/2025 16:49

I have always been like your DD, as I got older I could distinguish the wailers & the fakers but I cannot tolerate drama lamas. I am really sympathetic when sympathy is due though.

RisingSunn · 27/10/2025 16:49

AhBiscuits · 27/10/2025 16:13

It depends if you have form for making a big drama out of things. I wouldn't say it was usual for an adult to cry after falling over.

Yes - her reaction comes off as though OP is usually quite dramatic.

SwirlyShirly · 27/10/2025 16:49

You’re not being unreasonable to be upset by her reaction. I think i remember it explained to me as something to do with seeing her primary care giver in a weakened state, it’s worrying and she’s minimising it. Something like that. My dad was very unwell when I was a teenager and I had episodes of similar behaviour- I’m sure this was what my therapist said. Fwiw I didn’t grow in to a heartless psychopath.

TwinklyStork · 27/10/2025 16:50

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/10/2025 16:43

What the hell is going on?! No it is not normal for a tweenage girl to be this nasty and uncaring. It is also perfectly possible to have a fall that is initially very painful and you need a bit of help walking straight after, but not actually have an injury that requires medical attention. I’m astounded by the comments on this thread!

It's not normal for a teenage girl to be nasty and uncaring, no, which indicates that her mother probably has form for crying over spilt milk in front of her ("oh here we go again, let's just cry constantly" would seem to suggest that). Parents should not be routinely crying and creating drama in front of their kids, and I'm not surprised the girl is tired of it. She's probably mortified!

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 27/10/2025 16:52

Had you been drinking?

Lovelynames123 · 27/10/2025 16:54

If I had to be helped home after a fall my dds would be horrified, sympathetic and caring. But I am usually very stoic, work through a lot of pain and am very much a get on with it person - they would know it was bad if I hadn't just made my own hobbly way home!

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 16:55

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/10/2025 16:43

What the hell is going on?! No it is not normal for a tweenage girl to be this nasty and uncaring. It is also perfectly possible to have a fall that is initially very painful and you need a bit of help walking straight after, but not actually have an injury that requires medical attention. I’m astounded by the comments on this thread!

Children learn sympathy and empathy from their parents, first and foremost - so if this child is "nasty and uncaring" I'd be wondering what had gone wrong with her upbringing.

Fairydustand · 27/10/2025 16:57

Don't let her talk to you like that again.Tell her ,you love her but if she has nothing nice to say to you then don't speak.Too many tweens are becoming spoilt .

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/10/2025 16:58

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 16:55

Children learn sympathy and empathy from their parents, first and foremost - so if this child is "nasty and uncaring" I'd be wondering what had gone wrong with her upbringing.

Show quote history

You make a very good point 🤔. I should have thought of that. I’ve worked with some pretty troubled kids, it generally does come from somewhere.

Helpwithdivorce · 27/10/2025 17:01

Crikey how old are you? My 75 year old mother got brought home by 2 work men after falling over but she’s 75. I’m 43 with an 11 year old and I certainly wouldn’t be carried home. Do you exercise? Why are you so incapable of getting yourself home? And crying? I think your daughter is probably sick to death of your dramatics

PreciousTatas · 27/10/2025 17:02

It sounds like she is sick of you attempting to use her as an emotional crutch.

Get a grip, you are the adult. If you were so injured you couldn't walk you should have gotten an ambulance to a&e, if you are over the age of 5 and didn't break your leg then you crying is just embarrassing.

She is 11 years old. She shouldn't have to be dealing with your needy overdramatics.