Cold heartless daughter

[Beeings]

My daughter is 11. I went out to shop earlier and unfortunately fell. Two work men who were nearby came over to make sure I was ok and then helped me home. My daughter opened the door to see me hobbling up the path being supported by these two guys and her reaction? An eye roll. One of the guys said “your mum has just fallen” to which she rolled her eyes again and said “right”.

When they had gone I asked her why she’s so uncaring and she said I make a Rama out of everything and “why couldn’t you just walk home like a normal person? There isn’t even anything wrong with you”.

She’s always been like this, so cold and uncaring, why? AIBU to be upset by her reaction?

What is she like when it's the other way? Does she expect sympathy?

This. Are you elderly or disabled? Why do you need two men to escort you home? Do you fall over regularly and do you cry a lot? All very odd.

How often do you cry in front of your daughter?

This is very typical of my 11 year old boy too. He has always been the same. Once his toddler brother was running down a path and he pushed him. He fell so hard and was really hurt but he just felt nothing.it was one of many things where I feel like he just doesn't actually process emotions the same way. He was 6 then, and is 11 now. I believe that empathy can't be taught, but kindness and consequences can. So now, if I feel he hasn't reacted in the "right" way, we talk about it and I explain what I would be looking for and how it makes people feel. I don't really think he can help it but his brothers are very empathetic and kind so I feel like it's quite noticeable he isn't- he is amazing in other ways though! Very quick witted and funny!

Agree with this.
I am quite clumsy and have fallen over a few times over the years since my dc were born. On one occasion I really hurt myself and needed medical attention. I don’t always cry when it happens but I have done, once when I tripped on a paving stone and landed flat on my face in the street. Not full on sobbing but I was shocked and shaken up and my hands and knees were bleeding so I was a bit teary for a minute. Daughters (mid teens then) arrived just after it happened, and were sweet and concerned.
I tripped over in my garden a week ago and although I didn’t need medical attention I was badly bruised and grazed and it hurt a lot. I didn’t cry but hobbled back indoors and my 18 year old was kind, offered to make me a cup of tea, and called DH to let him know I had fallen.
This is a normal level of concern about people you love.
I am also surprised at how many people never cry, Dh, the dc and I all cry though sad films, at funerals, when something very sad happens on the news. Daughters cry to sad songs. Partly cultural maybe, I grew up with a Dad who showed emotion and would cry sometimes.

Bit unfair, I think. Why wouldn't her daughter show empathy at first sight, whatever the circumstances?

At a similar age i woke up one day to find my dog off her back legs i knew this usually meant a one way trip to the vets my mother wanted to wait the weekend for my sister to return and say goodbye i said no? because I didn't want my dog to suffer my mom called me cruel and heartless told me I would die alone and she hoped I was happy with my decision she took the dog with my dad to be put down told my sister I had demand the dog be put down without her they sobbed on each other's shoulders while blaming me for not wanting my dog to suffer for two days (bearing in mind they knew where she was she was in the same town so could have gone to fetch her)

Maybe think twice how we describe our children

So sorry for hijacking this post. I'm new and made a mistake. It should have been a new one.

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Teenagers are hideous 🤷‍♀️ Don't take it to heart. Hope you feel better after your fall OP.

Probably depends of it was the 10th time this week OP has done this sort of thing or not though, doesn't it?

The fact that the daughter wasn't shocked to see her mum being escorted by 2 workmen, suggests perhaps she's used to it. OP doesn't mention any actual injury, she's fairly vague about the actual fall, her main concern is getting enough sympathy

Describing your daughter as cold and heartless because they didn't show you enough sympathy to me screams drama lama. It screams seeking emotional validation from your child. OP doesn't call the men kind, she doesn't mention feeling embarrassed or any normal reaction that an adult might have.

Because some people make a drama out of everything and it gets a bit tiring.

Not saying that's necessarily the case here, but it's just an example of why she might not be immediately empathetic.

I have a 17 year old dd who is like this. And my younger once caring teen ds has gone like this too. I always say if I was on the kitchen floor dying of a heart attack they'd just step over me to get to the biscuit cupboard!

I think it's always difficult to comment on posts like this without knowing the back story from both sides.
On the surface, it does sound uncaring, but we have no idea if "drama" is a regular occurrence from the OP.
I worked with someone who always had something going on where she was in tears, or heading to the doctor (once with a broken fingernail that was painful as it was short) or needing someone to support her through some perceived trauma. She was lovely, but a massive pain in the arse and very trying.
If DD is like me and is quite stoic, it can come across as uncaring. It can also be embarrassing for some people (especially at 11 years old) when others make a big deal of something they wouldn't.

Wow that's abnormal behaviour indeed, does she have no empathy for people at all?

I guess it depends on the background. DD would freak, which I don’t want , which means I tend to hide shit like this from her . It also means that if she sees me crying/hurt she knows it’s “real” so she freaks. If I cried all the time maybe she’d be less bothered, or even became exasperated by it.

Do you cry,complain etc. a lot?

Maybe it's to mask how she is feeling.
She might have felt concerned and not known how to show that emotion, so she masked it the way she did.

This and the 11 year old is OP's daughter.
OP is the parent

It's actually not at all uncommon for kids to appear really heartless about things like this. Clearly not all kids are like this, but it is more common than a lot of people think, and they usually grow out of it. A hell of a lot of kids don't really develop much in the way of empathy - especially for parents - until they're older. That self-absorption / lack of empathy is one of the reasons teenagers can be particularly difficult.

I think pretty much everyone, if they were truly honest with themselves, could remember a time when they were pretty unpleasant, callous or mean to someone when they were a child and probably also times when other kids were, in a pretty careless and thoughtless manner, similarly callous and mean to them. I'm not saying every child acts like a sociopath or that every child is a bully, but kids really can be pretty awful without really fully grasping how rotten they're being.

I think what you are wishing for is that your daughter had more/some degree of empathy.

OP stated her daughter is 11.

Yes, I know. What's your point?

A mother is a daughter's first bully.

I’d also be upset op. How could you not. I’d be watching to see if she ever shows empathy for a person or animal.

Unfortunately I was in the same situation with my DS, the empathy gene doesn't kick in until young teens get much older, around 21, many young people don't have good social skills, and therefore don't understand which feelings are appropriate.
Is she cruel to animals? if not, then she will grow to be empathetic in time, until then, don't take it personal.