Getting over resentment with DH, 1 year old DS

205 replies

TiredToddlerMum876 · 27/10/2025 14:35

I am finding myself being quite harsh and snappy with my DH and, while I know I am unreasonable in the moment, I don't know how to get over it.

We have a 15 month old DS, I've been working full time since he was 6 months and I am the higher earner who works longer hours (for context) and basically, DH just wasn't great in that first year.

He's a lot better now, because DS is easier obviously, we have a nanny, he is trying much harder (after some almighty fights and tears) and I am standing my ground very very firmly on a daily basis and not letting him get away with being shit. But I can't get over it.

I just feel so incredibly disappointed with him, as a man and as a father. He let me down at my hardest and now he's trying harder, and we should be happy but I look at him and feel nothing.

He will not admit he was wrong, he says babies just need their mums and he did loads and he did more than other dads who do fuck all and that's that. So I will never get an acknowledgment or apology, which would help I think.

A stranger on the train asked us yesterday if we wanted more kids (we were making conversation on long journey) and DH said "oh yes absolutely , would love a second" and I thought "not with you, I'm not".

OP posts:

Hoover123 · 07/02/2026 23:01

Please don't put yourself through another year of this! Tell him you want to go to couples therapy because you are thinking of ending the relationship. His answer will tell you what you need to know.

Phobiaphobic · 09/02/2026 00:16

God, it's all so fucking tiresome, isn't it? I feel for you, OP. Stay strong.

SheSaidHummingbird · 09/02/2026 00:34

@TiredToddlerMum876 Very sad update. Are you really okay to continue like this? You deserve so much more from a relationship, a marriage.

Hallamule · 22/03/2026 11:38

Remaining in an unhappy marriage "for the sake of the child" is a) a lie and b) a really shitty thing to lay on a child. If you want to give your ds the gift of an unhappy, discontent, resentful mother then own it. You are staying for your benefit, not his.

It's clear you want out (dont blame you) so choose out, and concentrate on building a cooperative coparenting relationship.

Usernamen · Today 00:53

TiredToddlerMum876 · 07/02/2026 13:31

Thanks. We're doing a bit better but not by much. He does cook now, I'd say he cooks 60% of the meals. He also takes him out here and there although I have to ask 5 times and really insist and have an argument before he actually does it every single time. He has never voluntarily left the house with the toddler of his own accord.

I also nag him to do even more stuff around the house which is successful maybe 30% of the time.

Basically I keep putting my foot down, never relent. It's freed me up a bit and toddler is sleeping now so I have more headspace to think and assert myself but he's getting fed up.

To be honest, the way I see things is I'll keep nagging him to do stuff, he'll get fed up and he'll probably leave me by the end of the year. Which will be fine by me.

Edited

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Hi OP, how are you getting on? Have things improved?

I thought of this thread today because I have been seething in my own relationship. I would love to know if/how you found a way to move past the resentment.

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