New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

Gross. If he's that worried about not lasting maybe he can instead draw out the foreplay for YOU and make sure you have fun yourself then a quickie after, why are you expected to effectively service him "for you". Thats grim. I hope he learns a lesson from your reaction and subsequent breaking off if you do.

Agreed!

Why didn’t he just a wank before you came over? Seeing he was SO focused on your pleasure

Oh blimey i mistakenly voted ‘you’re being unreasonable’ disregard it!!!
think it was the shock of the audacity of him

YANBU OP well done for leaving.

They’ve been dating for a month, that’s a perfectly reasonable time scale to have sex for the first time he’s hardly a one night “random”.

Never ignore the ick. It will recur with a vengeance and you'll regret it bitterly. Dont pursue this relationship.

This 100%

You are at the stage where romance is expected, not this.

It would give me the major ick too.

Isn't this is the opening gambit in Chapter Two of Russell Brand's Charm Offensive?

He has texted me asking if I want to meet on Wednesday after work.

I don’t think he’s a bad person and I can forgive what he said but I cannot mentally force myself to find him attractive like I use to now. I really wish I could overwrite this but I can’t 😕

I’m so disappointed, not just with him but with how my minds works. I thought we had potential.

Ignore the judge-y comments, OP. Always someone in the room!

It reminds me of American Pie movie where the guy says, “Suck me, beautiful,” and the woman is not very keen after that to continue. I can’t remember now what happened exactly as was a very long time since I watched it. I believe the girl gave the guy a bit of a talking to.

Don't blame yourself. I think most women would get the ick after that sort of interaction.

I would text back saying "Sorry I don't think this will work out between us. I wish you all the best." and block him depending on how he replies.

🙄
There's always one!

”Suck me off and make me cum first”
Bet that would look good on a Moonpig card...

'Make me come first, I am thinking of your needs.'
What a gentleman and a scholar.

Balls to that. Have sex with whom ever you choose as kind as they are of legal age and consenting.

What a shame, he hadn't been pushy about sex and treated you well only to blow it (pun intended) at the last minute. I wonder if sex hadn't been discussed because he has a problem coming too soon in general. Sorry @Brooklans , there must still be a few romantic men out there somewhere

Yes but there’s having an opinion and theres being judgemental and rude. It’s unnecessary to be rude under the guise of just “giving an opinion”. You could have said “I think people have sex too early in relationships and this makes for awkward clunky encounters and mismatched expectations”. That would have been an opinion. I don’t think anyone would have felt offended if you said something like that. Accusing the OP of having sex with “randoms” and offering a patronising “life lesson” is aggressive and unhelpful. That’s not an opinion, it’s more of an attack. And it’s unkind and unnecessary.

It’s a shame, but I doubt there’s any coming back from this for you as it will have spoilt the first time anyway. It may be worth in future talking about what you like beforehand-for example with the guy I’ve been seeing I told him ( by message to make it less embarrassing) that I wouldn’t tolerate any choking, hair-pulling, man-handling or sexual insults. Incidentally I only waited three weeks. Luckily he wasn’t into any of those things anyway!

🙄 I am so sick of men 🙄

My goodness, has it really come to this, you have to say don't choke me or abuse me. I'm too old for this shit 😱

Well that's it then. I wouldn't see him again. I don't do coarse and bad manners.

Wow - how thoughtful of him! NOT!

Porn, and the male addiction to porn, has ruined sex for women.

Be honest and tell him his demand for oral gave you the ick. You’ve thought about it, but you won’t be able to get past it, then block him.

If that’s his idea of foreplay, you can do better.

This is what old-fashioned 'courtship' is about. You have had a few weeks to get to know each other, all was going well, but it only takes something like this to make you feel differently about a person. It's a trial and error period, and sadly, he said something that has turned you off him.
He can't unsay it and you can't unhear it.
Disappointing, but that's life.