New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

I think he tried to slot you into a role of a previous girlfriend without recognising you weren’t at that place yet. Women have a higher disgust threshold than men when it comes to sex so we have to generally be really turned on before we are up for anything sexually. I am pretty sure that if you kissed him then forced his head between your legs and told him to make you cum he wouldn’t like that so no, you’re not a prude.

Literally

He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs

What a genius caring gentleman! Thinking about your needs and articulating it so beautifully - 'Suck me off and make me cum first." The stuff of poetry!

Christ almighty, YANBU at all. Good in a way that you found out so unequivocally what an unattractive partner he'd make. Run and never look back.

Well exactly! Says everything that this wasn't remotely his thought process. Ugh.

If he was thinking of your needs he would have suggested he go down on you first and make you cum first before even entertaining the idea of him getting off himself. He wanted instant satisfaction for himself in the way that would pleasure him most.

That’s so grim and gross.

Ick activated…..

Yes agree completely. At best he treated me like an established partner too prematurely, at worst it was disrespectful and entitled.

He’s not stupid, but It’s concerning me as he obviously doesn’t have enough emotional intelligence to be aware that women can feel such a way at about things too early on.

Short and sweet...and says it all.😁

so romantic

He had a real cheek to think because he was likely to come too soon that you should give him a preliminary blow job!

I have been married for decades, if my husband said that to me he wouldn't need to worry about cumming first.

Yuk 🙄 at least you found out he's a pig before you slept with him!

He wasn’t thinking about you, he just wanted oral . What an utter creep. I’d bin that and not look back, unless you want to spend your time doing that to order.

Maybe don’t sleep with randoms and people you aren’t in a relationship with! This may be a good life lesson moving forward

I felt nauseous just reading that. YANBU.

I'm fifty years old, just out of a LTR and honestly don't think I will ever have sex again because of having to navigate this kind of stuff.

Fucking hell what a daft man.

Hasn’t he heard of a pre-date wank?

Id be put off by that too, I couldn’t have slept with him. I hope he’s cringing.

I actually find it really sad. Part of the delights of a new relationship (in my opinion) is that slow wind up to the first time you have sex, and the romance of it.

Are demands like his standard nowadays?

If that's how he'd treat you as an established partner, all the more reason to run. I don't know why you'd continue with a guy who told you to suck him off in these circumstances. It's told you everything you need to know about the kind of guy he is. Don't feel sorry for him with his lack of awareness, crap sex and selfish, unattractive slip-ups. Before you know it, after a few cosy nights with him watching his behaviour, you'll cloud this clarity and stick it out and for what? A guy who's just waiting to get the established stage where he can get his cock sucked and go to sleep.

Shut up please love, we’ve been dating for almost 5 weeks and known each other since last year. It wasn’t a one night stand.

I find it's more useful to read the OP before commenting.

Bin him.

Don't bother with him again. He most likely has problems with not being able to last due to porn.
The first time you are going to have sex and that's what he does. Total turn off. YANBU.

And if it was a one night stand that would also be totally fine provided you were both okay with that.

It's not even like it's just women who feel that way!

I'm male (and bisexual) and would not be appreciative of a demand for oral sex at that point, from either a man or a woman. It's like "Whoa, we've not even got our kit off yet, I've got absolutely no idea if we're even remotely compatible, whether I find you physically attractive, whether you're going to get naked and there's suddenly a god-awful smell from your nether regions (that one was a man)."

Sex for the first time is about slowly exploring each other, I don't want to leap straight to having someones genitals thrust in my face. I'm pretty sure most men wouldn't.

I really doubt this man would have been particularly impressed had you kissed for 2 seconds and then dictated "You will go down on me now".

Bin him, he's an arse.