New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

I welcome other peoples opinions and outlooks on life, but you deliberately misread my entire post and referred to me having sex with “random(s)”, which, you know was completely in accurate, just to stir the pot and sneak a controversial remark in. Which I’ve noticed from your username in the past, you do this on a lot of threads. Just makes you come across as an attention seeker to be honest.

"make the woman orgasm FIRST" I could not agree more with you from experience,

however, I have had some women who do first based on my efforts and they are just out of it after so i end up just feeling like i am flogging a dead horse.

I agree with you and Women always have told me they appreciate how I am not selfish as far as ensuring that I atleast try to make them get off (in whatever way works for them ) hence why i recommend communicating first with a person way before you engage

He wasn't 'a random' as the OP made very clear.

Also, however long you wait before sleeping with someone, there still has to be a first time, and ultimately you are never going to know how that's going to pan out until it happens.

This encounter could just as easily have happened in exactly this way if they'd waited until their wedding night, and that would have been a hell of a lot worse than it happening after five weeks of dating.

That’s a hard nope from me. As you say maybe in a longer relationship not a first sexual encounter.

If he was that worried for the first time he would have had a wank first and then make sure you cum during foreplay and then got his end away however fast it ended.

But he wasn’t thinking of you, just his blow job.

Exactly.

Crude talk has its place in established, trusting relationships, if both parties enjoy it. But from a near stranger I'd expect to be seduced with a bit of finesse, not with some line from his favorite porn flick.

He's a boy in a man's body. Major ick.

And talk about presumptuous. He just assumes she's ready and willing to do that.

Dump him.

There's a type of man that would make that kind of comment. The selfish kind. He didn't care about you at all - you hadn't even got to the foreplay stage yet!! I'll bet you anything he doesn't even bother with foreplay at all.

Dump him and never speak to him again. He isn't worth it.

You felt uncomfortable for a reason. He may well have been genuine in his reasoning but your gut is warning you for a reason. Pay attention to it!

Also at 5 weeks in and no sex yet.

I’d as an over thinker be wondering just how many women that lines been used on kneeling before that very sofa. Would have instant ick.

Yes people have sexual history but I don’t need it in my active mind like that.

Why are you so weird and passive aggressive?

I'm not even a woman and i'm disgusted.
You haven't even had sex for the first time mate and you're being gross and creepy? First time sex with your partner is supposed to be fun an exciting, not make you feel like a prostitute.

Oh wow that is really grim for him to behave like that before you've had sex. This is the best behaviour you can ever expect from him, it's only going to go downhill. I'm so glad you left.

Judgemental much?

I'd expect the first time to be mutually passionate and romantic. That weird, gross, blunt transactional thing would just take me right out of the moment and revolt me. Plus yes shit shag alert, why not make sure OP is satisfied if he was worried about lasting. Imagine just sitting there after with a spunky mouth watching random TV.

I love that you went with your instinct and stood your ground. It’s not just asking for a blowjob - he’s showing he’s coarse, insensitive, unable to read a room …

Expect he’ll also end up being rude in other areas of life eventually.

I’d also wonder whether he’d paid for sex before as it’s coming across like he’s used to turning up with a shopping list.

Ewww, that's all.

Yeah - don’t listen.

Just decide to become emotionally invested in a man who clearly has no respect for you.

That’ll work.

To be honest, I couldn’t come back from this either. Once you have the ick…

Plus - Any time you have issues with him in the future, you’ll remember how he made you feel this night and it’s going to feed into resentment. I wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction either, to get to say that he got what he wanted in the end.

That would definitely have been a massive turn off for me too, and I'm glad you put the brakes on and left.
I do wonder if he was nervous himself and as you started to get frisky he was panicking about letting you down and in that moment, (stupidly) thought that was the best way to avoid getting overexcited and then feeling embarrassed.
It's good to be able to talk openly about what went right/wrong during sex, so I'd say if you guys could talk about it openly, it could end up being a good thing.

If you have the ick there is no coming back from that…

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part)
Yeah, right.
Had you obeyed him I'd say there's a good chance he'd say sorry but he is unable to regain his erection, or the sex would be over so quickly that you'd not be willing to do it again.
I think he was just trying to get you to service him without him having to bother with the effort of making it enjoyable for you.

Urgh 🤣🤣 sorry op shouldn't laugh but what on earth is this guy?

He should be on best behaviour. He could have excused himself and had a quick wank in the toilet ffs 🤦‍♀️

He needs dumping 100%.

Basically this.

Who said romance is dead!
OP this is so unacceptable, don't even question yourself, it is not on for your first experience with a new man.

Absolutely this !!

Yuk. So he just wanted a blow job before falling asleep, then?