Is my husband and close family right about her?

[Dolphindances]

Bit of background - this friend and I are both late thirties, I got married last year (met by lots of comments about my engagement ring and new marital home being OTT by her which I let go - they are not BTW three bed and a classic round cut 2c diamond but an upgrade from my 1 bedroom flat 🤣). She has been in a LTR for about 10 years with a guy, she is keen to settle down and he moves to various countries for work which she follows. She is keen to get married and have 3 children. We have know each other since mid 20’s. Now we are 39.

After a few years of trying - 2 miscarriages this year and a referral for IVF I somehow by a miracle fell pregnant this summer. I am due in Spring time which correlates with a friends wedding in Italy which I likely will not be able to attend due to my gravid / potentially post partum state. Upon receipt of my pregnancy news the above friend, mentioned how my timing and planning was poor for the pregnancy due to the upcoming nuptials, rolling her eyes and even messaged to check if ‘I have told her yet’ several times, as the bride will be disappointed in me and she is keen for her reaction. I was so upset I messaged the bride to be and she is just delighted I am pregnant and happy for us to be in attendance at her local wedding instead in due course.

my husband and sisters want me to leave this friendship now. I have never actually seen my husband so angry and my sister looked like she was going to cry when I told her. My husband asked if she knew about the MCs and IVF referral for which I said yes.

Any advice on how to approach this? Am I feeling more upset by this with my pregnancy hormones?

This is so simple - either block her and cut her off or tell her how disappointed and hurt you are by her constant put downs and then block her and cut her off. She sounds awful and jealous.

it sounds like she has som jealousy issues possibly?
But she’s not a friend she hadn’t been very kind, unclear if she’s always been like this or it’s being driven by the jealousy of you perhaps having the life she wishes for

It is concerning that you’re even asking

I think this is so common at this life stage/ age. It suddenly gets all competitive in some people’s eyes get the “adult” lifestyle.

I would dump her and I think it’s common for friendships not to make it through this stage. Everyone wants something different from this stage and has different ways of getting it.

it’s tough but sounds like you have lots of other friends and close family

Your DH sounds like a gem as does your sister.

Write up a balance sheet of how your friend makes you feel. If she is only adding negative emotions - confusion, sadness, shock - and these emotions are more than positivity - happiness, appreciation, support - then fade her out of your life.

Her jealousy will get worse as your pregnancy progresses l. Congratulations btw. You probably need to have a chat with her about how she makes you feel but good luck, it won’t be easy.

I think she’s jealous of your lifestyle. To me, this seems obvious. She is traipsing round the world following a man who probably won’t marry her or give her the children she wants, and she is taking that anger and sadness out on you, because you are experiencing these things.

Either call her on it or, if you don’t think she’d be receptive to that, slow fade. She’s not your friend anymore, the concocted rivalry she has going in her head has eroded your relationship.

She 100% was not like this before I met DH when I was 34. She was already dating her partner at the time I met my DH.

She is not your friend. Anyone who is that jealous and competitive does not have your best interests at heart.
It’s sad that she’s not where she wants to be in life but that should be an entirely seperate situation. If she isn’t happy for you after what you’ve been through and is more interested in stirring up drama by pushing you to tell the bride, that tells you everything you need to know.
Your DH and sister sound wonderful, you are lucky to have them. Drop the so-called “friend” though.

She’s very jealous of you and is deliberately trying to rain on your parade. That’s just nasty, especially given she knows you’ve had issues getting pregnant and your life can’t and shouldn’t be put on hold for someone else’s wedding. And I agree with pp that her jealousy and nasty digs will get worse as you pregnancy progresses. Is there enough good in this friendship to outweigh the bad?

It depends whether you really want to continue with the friendship or not. She sounds pretty toxic to me so I would probably do what your DH and sisters suggest and end the friendship, but this is a decision that only you can make.

You might prefer to tell her how much she has hurt you recently, particularly about the timing of your pregnancy and see what her reaction is. I would say that she is driven by jealousy and sour grapes so probably won't take this well. If that's the case, I would end the friendship.

Her nasty digs have gotten worse since I met my DH - I had lots of different boyfriends throughout my 20s which it did not work out with for various reasons. By the time I met DH I was actually fairly content. Since I have met him it has been constant digs. She waa never like this before I met him. Also, she has to know the exact date and place of hotels we stay at or it triggers her OCD apparently.

She sounds really competitive and pretty jealous right now. Anything positive that happens to you then she seems to want to bring some negativity to it and make you feel bad.

This isn’t a great friendship, just because you’ve known each other for a long while doesn’t mean you beed to remain friends. I would just cut contact with her, focus on your family and nicer friends. Don’t bother getting in touch with her and if she contacts you then I would either ignore or really limit what you tell her, just keep to the basics and keep conversation short.

Forget her, for a moment. Do you enjoy her company, does she make life better for you- more fun, more exciting, more loved and appreciated. Do you generally feel good when you are together and afterwards?

If generally yes, she enhances your life, and this is a one off, then you could give her a bit of space until she’s got a grip of her disregulation about you moving on before her.
If not, why on earth would you keep her in your life? You get to choose friends. Don’t stick by someone who is mean and critical because you’ve known them a long time.

You met him 7 years ago

OP, come on now. You’re about to become a parent. You need to woman up a bit

True 🤣

She’s massively jealous of you - it’s really straightforward.

You have everything she wants and have obtained it without hard work and ultimatums.

Personally I’d tell her that while her jealousy will ruin her own life you aren’t letting her unpleasant behaviour affect yours anymore and cut her loose.

It isn’t funny actually

It speaks volumes about your benchmark for relationships and your self esteem that you are asking about this and have sucked it up for 7 years

she has to know the exact date and place of hotels we stay at or it triggers her OCD apparently.
You know this isn't true and it's crazy behaviour, right? Don't even reply next time she demands it.

What makes her a good friend? She sounds very negative and unsupportive.

That man has been stringing her along for 10 years. If she wants 3 kids she needs to hurry up.

I have a friend like yours, or had I should say as I've taken a massive step back. She's jealous, and she's horrible. She doesn't like you and you would be better off without her.

Why does she need to know exact dates and hotels? Is that more jealousy?

She’s a bitch, not a friend. Just block her.

Congratulation on all your happy news OP!

Your family are right. She doesn’t like you very much, certainly doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You have bigger things to think about now and don’t need random toxicity in your life.

Jealousy, control, another thing for her to criticise. Does she want constant updates while you're there, interrupting your nice relaxing holiday with her negative presence?

It’s controlling behaviour. It may be a way to control her own anxiety in some way but you are not obliged to go along with it.

Because she can look up how much it cost and then "regulate" her jealousy accordingly. Oh and check the weather maybe when you're there so she can pray for rain ???