Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Oh OP - what a horrible thing to find out while you are away. The level of trust needed when other people are caring for your animals can't be understated.

I really hope you are home with your dog and that they are ok.

I wouldn't completely give up on getting house sitters though - there are some fantastic ones around and £80 per day is a very good rate! I'd certainly wouldn't feel exploited being paid that.

Perhaps you would like details of the neighbour's schedule so you can provide 'helpful tips' as to how they can spend their day? 🤔

I think that is a bit on the sneaky side too.
Comes across as she knows she's supposed to stay with them within reason.. but deliberately sent the photos whilst she was out to indirectly create the impression that she was there? Unless its obvious that its evening, not day time.
Add to that the fact that she agreed not to have anyone else round when you are away and you have your neighbours confirmation that she has.

it does come across as pulling one over on you. Which makes it hard to trust her.

On the other hand, people do leave animals in the home when they are out all day and you at least have confirmation that she was there in the evenings and they are well fed.

If on your return you find the animals are happy and in good condition, I might mention, without making a big deal about it, the visitors and the absence incase she's got some kind of reasonable explanation If she doesn't, then I think she's blown it and I'd leave it at that and just quietly look for a replacement for next time. You pay really well so there will be people who'd love to do it. Maybe she doesn't have pets of her own and doesn't "get" it?

Have you thought about having a written contract for next time, which lays out your reasonable expectations?

It's also clear that people that own Ring devices don't understand privacy zones and how to set them up.

I've just spotted your update that the dog was distressed at being left alone for long periods and seems not to have been walked properly. She's not done the job she's been paid for and has lost all trust.
Your poor dog.

Sounds like she's had her chances over the years too. Added to all of that, acting to callers as if she's you and as if its her house, particularly when you are away... has all the makings of the first episode of an ITV thriller/drama right there. Just saying.

I would quietly step back and stop employing her as she's not truthful and could cause drama.

They mean 'drip feed' - as in adding large amounts of relevant information in subsequent replies rather than including it in the OP.

How do u get a job like this? U in the Glasgow area? 🤣

Thank you for your amazing replies. I was questioning whether we had been unreasonable in the first place re the visitors.

I explained fully when we spoke about this arrangement, and she actually said she would feel the same. I know this is true because from what she has said she never invites anyone to her own house. So I have good reason to imagine she would respect my request. This development has really surprised me. It feels really disrespectful. As it’s the one thing we feel strongly about. Anything else we could/would have overlooked as long as the dog was well fed and not left for ages as she has been.

Maybe I shouldn’t have overlooked the other red flags. I won’t go into them too much, they will be outing, but she took a lot of the clothes we were taking to the charity shop without asking, and now can be seen in my/our clothes.
Her WA profile has our house in the background. Until this happened I didn’t give it much thought. So yes reevaluating the whole relationship.

I am not one for conflict and turning up unannounced or catching anyone out, I don’t think she would react well - I need to deal with this quietly and pref without a scene.

That is irrelevant, because her family setup is none of your business and she does not owe you transparency on that subject. What she does in your home when she is supposed to be looking after your pets is absolutely your business.

So there were loads of red flags yet you still decided to leave her alone in your home with your precious dog. Must be some spectacular long weekend

She’s a nutter!

She has covered other breaks without any problems, I didn’t have any reason to doubt her.

Most of the other issues can be chalked up to maybe a lack of money/time/difference in culture.

This is utterly, utterly bizarre. She’s a self employed cleaner doing self employed pet sitting. She isn’t an employee of the Op, therefore tax isn’t Op’s responsibility, nor is assessing right to work, because she is paying for a service, not employing an individual. “Fair dismissal” is irrelevant be aisle she isn’t being dismissed from a job. If the cleaner wanted a lengthy termination clause in this services contract, it was her duty as the service provider to request one.

As for the photos, it isn’t rocket science - she goes out during the day, then has people over in the evening. She takes pictures of the dogs when she’s in the house and then sends them through the day as if she’s in the house when she’s actually out.

Everything about the vet is irrelevant. Dogs can be distressed when alone and then seem fine when owners arrive again. Just because they haven’t trashed the house doesn’t mean they aren’t distressed, and regardless, she was being paid to look after and walk it, not leave it alone, and the anxiety around being near other dogs has nothing to do with the cleaner!

Good cleaning ladies are so hard to source here, maybe it was needing it to work out too.

How do you know? Does the neighbour’s surveillance cover the annex? Maybe she’s been doing this for ages. Maybe she’s actually already assumed your identity and is just getting ready to bump you off and move in. What with their ‘cultural differences’ and everything, the possibilities are endless.

I would do a proper check on your finances - especially your credit files! Pay the £ to get the full reports and check that the purchases/debts/accounts all match yours! Also check she’s not been using your address as hers to get things posted to and that she’s not used your address - and name!!! - for credit cards etc as this would be my number one concern at the moment with her behaviour pretending she lives at your house and is you! What else is she pretending?!?!

@Nestingbirds. I’d feel totally violated by her. The fact that she left your precious dog alone for hours, without all the other things she’s done would have me terminating her contract. Your lovely neighbour's have done you proud to let you know what’s going on. A bottle of wine and some flowers for them maybe? Hope your dog is ok.

In shock about £25 per hour for the cleaner. What is the going rate: surely this is ridiculous??

"Does the neighbour’s surveillance cover the annex?"

Get a grip. It's a ring doorbell not a team of CIA operatives.

Depending on where you live but the going rate is £25/£30 per hour.

I've had a dodgy cleaner or three working over the years in our holiday lets. It is quite amazing how much holiday let inventory items are not taken home by the guests now 🙄. We joke the last one must have had an ebay shop of bedding, towels and kitchen items. Since we are doing the housekeeping ourselves, guest 'theft' or 'damage disposal' is remarkably less per annum. I changed all the locks when I sacked the last one for suspect incidents and lack of reliability (her reasons for not turning out at all, or doing half the job required became laughable). Trust has been lost with this woman so get rid, and make sure a big bunch of flowers go around to your neighbour. Please change your door locks as you will not know if she has copies. I know some people say your neighbour needs to get a life, not invade privacy and all that, but I would rather be next door to someone community spirited like this. Curtain twitchers sure have their uses. I have a few around my holiday lets who are good sets of eyes for trouble from guests, and I always thank them with presents at the end of the year for relaying anything problematic they see. While some might see them as nosey parkers, I see them as security and extra protection for our assets who are on the phone to me if there is trouble brewing. Worth their weight in gold to my business.

Yes I am aware that this may not be the first time. As the ring doorbell only covers the front of the houses.

I don’t think she is going to kill me off! She has always said she likes my clothes etc in a complimentary way. She is mostly really nice, and honestly I have always felt lucky to have her.

She has her deliveries sent to our house sometimes as she said she is never at home. We agreed, and have never minded. She had a few things go missing because they were left on the doorstep. It’s pretty harmless request, we are not paying for the deliveries.

Oh and neighbour is way too busy to spy on us, I imagine our dog crying alerted her. I have some chocolates for her, and I am glad she told me. She isn’t nosy. I would look out for them if I saw something amiss.

This is the going rate where we live too. @CoconutQueen