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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

1000 replies

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:43

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Citrusbergamia · 27/10/2025 11:26

I'd also be uncomfortable with her pretending to be you; that would weird me out a bit.

Not sure why you're getting such a bashing on this thread OP. You've clearly stated your boundaries, which are perfectly reasonable and she has previously adhered to them but has chosen to break them this time round. I would be bloody furious that my poor dog were left for hours on end and not walked?!!?! I imagine your garden has been used as a toilet for the long weekend...hope she's cleaned that up!

Shame you told her you were coming back early, but understand why you have...I'd be more than happy to have a confrontation about stuff like this though.

Dangermouse999 · 27/10/2025 11:41

Fire her.

I can't believe that people voting in the poll actually think you are being unreasonable.

Sheridanbucket · 27/10/2025 11:41

You obviously have to sack her. She has left your dog distressed, has not walked it, violated your arrangement not to have visitors and has been out for long enough that it’s clear she’s not really done the cleaning part either.

DeadMemories · 27/10/2025 11:42

MustWeDoThis · 27/10/2025 11:23

I'm on the fence with this one.

You have no contract - This is a red flag. There needs to be a contract, or she is not contractually obliged to follow any orders. What NI is being paid? Is tax being paid? Is this slave labour? Is she a citizen of said country, or is this why there is no contract?

You say your dog is left all day long and crying - You do not specify if you have heard your dog crying. You do not clarify if you have asked your neighbour if they heard the dog; all I've read are assumptions, so far.

You are about to let her go with no contract and no real fair dismissal policy. Do you have insurance and leagilities in place? Were you aware that paying someone without registering it with HMRC, is potentially illegal.

Having friends over is not doing any harm - If it is, then I would raise an issue regarding theft and damage. She should, however, ask. It is polite to do so.

How is she having friends over if they are out for the entire day?

How were they able to send photos of the dog if they are out all day?

Why is your neighbour snitching on the cleaner? Were they causing them issues? Is life not already hard enough without penalising someone for having company?

Does she leave your home a mess?
What are her cleaning standards like?
What will you lose, if you turn this molehill into a mountain?

Was your dog distressed when you got home?
Was the dog distressed in the photos?
How do you go anywhere at all, during your daily life, if your dog is that bad?

Have you spoken to a vet regarding their behaviour and had a discussion about medication? Dogs can in fact suffer with stress, anxiety, depression, attachment issues/disorders (especially rescue dogs) - You can requesting calming medication from your vet. You wouldn't leave them with a broken leg, so it's the same for their well-being; they need medicating.

If you have discussed medication, or already tried - Then your vet needs to try a different course of action. I am sure if it is as bad as you say, they won't leave them without help.

I'm trying to make a balanced comment on what I have read, rather than making a shot-gun decision of, "Fire the witch!"

Show quote history

Why dont you just ask OP for her bank details and inside leg measurement while you are at it.

OP you dont have to justify or answer nosy questions that dont have a bearing on your problem with the dog sitter.

Sheridanbucket · 27/10/2025 11:43

cosietea · 27/10/2025 10:26

£80 a day is £3.33 an hour, assuming she is ‘on call’ and looking after your house and pets 24 hours ( which I think is what you’ve asked her to do?)

That’s grossly underpaid

Dog sitter agreed to these terms so it’s irrelevant what anyone thinks of the terms.

iwantavuvezela · 27/10/2025 11:45

OP, sorry to hear this - you might want to look into Trusted Housesitters for future dog sits , you pay a registration fee , and then you offer your house (for free) and someone will pet sit for you (for free, they get accommodation etc). You can specify what your dog needs, what you expect and this might be a much more sustainable option for you Most people have references who do this, and I have had many lovely people stay and look after my cats.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 27/10/2025 11:49

Not sure why the OP is getting such a hard time - her house; her rules.

The only misnomer is that the cleaner effectively is being a pet sitter which is the primary reason she's there.

But maybe next time you get a pet sitter, be really clear about expectations.

Sandtheedges · 27/10/2025 12:01

I’d be incredibly annoyed that your neighbour is monitoring comings and goings at your house. On Ring you can set where the camera covers and monitors and it’s a very very grey area legally to be monitoring someone else’s property. They explicitly tell you to block out neighbour’s properties. She’s obviously getting notifications every single time you arrive and leave and looking at who is coming and going. I’d send her a cease and desist to be honest. The fucking cheek

Growlybear83 · 27/10/2025 12:02

TeaRoseTallulah · 27/10/2025 07:55

It's probably linked to her phone to ping when someone arrives/leaves.

Show quote history

Exactly. Our phones are set to alert us if there is any movement in two of our six CCTV cameras so it’s not necessary to spend ages trawling through footage. One of our cameras is aimed at our front door, but because it’s positioned to get the best view of visitors, it also picks up our neighbours’ front door as well. They don’t have an issue with it, any more than we have an issue with the neighbours’ camera in the sideway also picking up movement on our side.

letmehaveathink · 27/10/2025 12:08

Before going in all guns blazing, just be aware that the Ring doorbell may not have recorded every movement, so may have missed her coming back to the house. My Ring doorbell picks up my neighbours doorway because our gates are directly opposite. She mentioned how I must see her latest fling arriving and leaving at all hours - guess what, when it's dark my camera doesn't pick any of that up. It's also missed things in the day as well.

Anyway, yes you need your own camera doorbell. Also, look at the Trusted House Sitters website for the next time you go away, or use a home dog boarder that only takes one dog at once - hard to find but they do exist.

elephantknees · 27/10/2025 12:11

the fact she has pretendfed to be you on a regular basis AND has been showing her friends/acquaintences around as though she owns the property is a huge red flag.

I would not be giving any notice, pay her notice out and sack her immediately and also have the locks changed on all outer doors ASAP.

AlphaApple · 27/10/2025 12:11

The "you underpaid her so what do you expect" argument is so bullshit. This woman was more than happy with the arrangement. She is not on call 24 hours, OP clearly states she can come and go as she pleases as long as she does not neglect the pets, which is what she has done. It's disingenuous to compare this arrangement with a strict employment situation as most people well know but some are choosing to ignore.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 27/10/2025 12:13

Sack her when you get back for trust reasons. You obviously can't trust her.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/10/2025 12:17

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:04

The photos were taken in the evening, and then sent during the day when she is out.

That would be it for me. She knows she's in the wrong and is concealing it.

XiCi · 27/10/2025 12:17

Any dog sitter that left my dog on his own all day and didn't walk him would be sacked, no question.

Americano75 · 27/10/2025 12:19

Your poor dog! She absolutely has to go.

Cherrytree86 · 27/10/2025 12:19

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:59

We could maybe start taking our dog with us going forward.

@Nestingbirds

kennels? It’ll restrict your options for holidays surely if you need to take a dog with you

Lbet · 27/10/2025 12:20

If I was having a dog sitter/cleaner I would definitely have my own ring door bell fitted to keep an eye on any coming and goings. Not only for your own reassurance but for evidence of any going on as such.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/10/2025 12:20

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:17

If she can lie about this then maybe she can lie about other things.

There was something else a while ago. She said she didn’t have dc when she started, 6 months ago she told me she had 2 step daughters, she told me by accident. It felt like a weird omission.

That's not so weird to me. I have no children, but theoretically have a stepdaughter and stepson. However, I didn't bring them up and I've never been a stepmother to them, IYKWIM.

I have occasionally claimed the step-grandchild as my own [edit: step-grandchild] (when asked about grandchildren) but usually don't since the parent didn't want me to use the 'granny' title.

Linenpickle · 27/10/2025 12:25

Why did you tell her you were coming back early? Shouldn’t have done that.

Cherrytree86 · 27/10/2025 12:32

TeaRoseTallulah · 27/10/2025 07:58

It's clear from this thread and one from the other day that some posters don't have a clue how Ring doorbells work.

Show quote history

@Weekendwatch

well, if she did, it’s a good job she did isn’t it? Considering her dog is being neglected

Isayitasitis · 27/10/2025 12:38

I bet other people wouldn't be happy to have strangers invited into their home without their say so. Or not doing what they paid someone to do!

You have been more than generous to her op. Glad to see you have a ring doorbell on the way. Get rid of her. She's a liability and a pisstaker.

CottonDeTulear · 27/10/2025 12:39

Predictably people are falling over themselves to excuse the woman for failing to do the job she’s paid - very well - to do.

I’d be livid OP.

TheHouseElf · 27/10/2025 12:42

I wouldn't have warned her I was coming back early OP - I'd surprise her.

Get her gone - your poor dog, I really feel for it, I'd be raging in your shoes - and big thanks to your neighbour for tipping you off.

Cherrytree86 · 27/10/2025 12:43

FrauPaige · 27/10/2025 08:25

I had a nanny that used to have her boyfriend over when we were away. The security cameras would show him pull up in a swanky car, take her out, come back with her, have presumably wonderful after date sex, then leave first thing. When we would get home, the place would be immaculate, the dog happy, and she would seem refreshed and energised. It all seemed to work in our favour.

@FrauPaige

did you leave massage oil and condoms by your bed for them too?

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