Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

I think she is:

1. Taking control of the situation she finds herself in, in that she will be able to say to future employers that she resigned rather than was sacked.
2. Is still leaving the door slightly open for you to say, 'Not quite unforgivable,' and offer one last chance.

Soon she is going to be 'heartbroken' and wish you would 'just listen to her story.' I bet you haven't seen the last of her yet.

Obviously I don’t pretend they don’t exist! Why are you hijacking this thread to attack me? I talk about my stepchildren when it’s appropriate and I want to. An employer asking if I have kids might not be one of those times.

I would tell her she's not resigning, she was sacked

Is it important I make the distinction clear? Ie sacked? She just works for herself.

Yeah, you have to say to her - 'to be clear, me telling you I knew was me sacking you. You don't get to resign from a position you have already been removed from'. Then delete and block.

Absolutely this. She is definitely trying to regain control and also put herself in a position to tell people she decided to leave rather than was sacked.

It will make you feel better to tell her she is sacked, she’s done enough dictating the agenda.
She can say what she like but shr daren’t ask for a reference

I have now confirmed it was a dismissal due to gross misconduct and dishonesty. Just in case anything or anyone follows up, I have made it clear to her now.

Keep copies of your messages.

Yes I will - although it’s depressing to have these messages on my phone

Well we were very generous and kind to her, she now has a big dent in her mortgage repayments. It won’t be very quick or easy filling up the hours she has now lost overnight. Especially as the agency said the work has dried up in this area due to COL and they can help straight away.

I might treat our family to something lovely this weekend with her salary. Luckily I can cover the cleaning as we are home early because of this, and the new ladies from the housekeeping agency can start next week.

I will be sure to keep this arrangement purely professional, and not be overly nice this time!

You can archieve the conversation with her so you don't have to look at it but can still access it (on whatsapp)

You sound lovely and have treated her very well. She has behaved terribly.

Has she ever used you as a reference, or have you ever recommended her to others in the past?

Are you friends with any of her other clients?

You might need to think about what you will say if anyone asks you about her work, or why she doesn’t work for you any more, particularly if the area she covers is small and close knit. I guarantee she’ll have her own version of why she has left (she’ll never admit to what has happened) that won’t paint her in a bad light, otherwise she will be shooting herself in the foot. I suspect she will try and control the narrative around this, so you might want to get your thoughts together on this!

I did recommend her to another family at dc school, a while ago, should I warn them?

We live in the next town - and most or all of her clients are in her own town. I don’t know any of them. I have recommended her to one family though.

yes

Betrayal of any kind is sickening. It really does hurt.
Try not to let her have too much headspace.

There are very few people I trust, and none of them are in a financial relationship with me. I learnt the hard way too (but I was a mug, and it took more than one betrayal.)

This.

Send a warning out about her on your local hub, message anyone you've referenced her to.
It's disgusting behaviour and other should be told to avoid her services.

You don't have to say anything more than you regret recommending X with whom you have recently parted company.

You’re not in the SE I take it?!

Practically impossible to get a good cleaner with availability

I wonder why she chose this weekend to go so completely off the rails on all fronts, even her standards of cleaning.

@Nestingbirds
You should also get all your door locks changed urgently. You have no idea if she made copies. It's a possibility that she has plus she knows your home and contents very well.

Because I found out and came home early?

She was not expecting us back so soon, and despite knowing we were coming back she clearly didn’t have enough time to do everything.

I think that's the best way forward. I get that it can seem difficult, it is a more intimate kind of job because they are in your home. As long as you are paying a fair wage, though, that is as nice as you ought to be, you don't owe treats an extras. I tip my cleaners at Christmas, and that's it. If they took the piss, they would be gone.