Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

[MySef]

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

I had one of DDs friends sleepover once and never again. All she did was complain and then wanted to go to sleep at 6pm (They were 9) and then now we become my DD wanted to chat as it was far too early for bed.

Then the day after he mum said to me that I probably let my DD watch sex films because she has tv in her bedroom. I looked her dead in the eye and told her to fuck off and I never spoke to her again.

Also, my kids know they if they bring rude friends over then they aren’t invited again - it actually makes my kids check their own friends behaviour! To the point my DD turned to her brat of a friend during a playdate and said “you need to say please and thank you to my mum” 😂

At that age my dds sleep over consisted of putting make up on each other and then taking it off again ( a spa evening ! ) 😂
Pizza in the kitchen whilst we are not
Jumping around in her bedroom to music
Watching their choice of Netflix ( age appropriate )
Snacks , snacks , snacks
Bed .

Exactly

I think I would have been very embarrassed if my mum acted like you have when I was 10. Of course they don't want to hang out with a mum.

DH is right.

Really good post. I’d be saying sorry to your daughter rather than waiting for an apology from her, work out how you can both do better next time.

Sleepovers aren't about obedience training.
YABU.

😆 🤣 😂 I was going to say the same thing.

OMG leave them aloooooone

As my 9yo would say. She'd also absolutely fume at me for treating her like a 5yo in front of her friend. She'd have a full on lecture ready. You were being incredibly weird.

Time for another baby?

Year 6 10 heading towards high school

yep massively too involved! The older they get parenting is a lot of ferrying around with friends! At 16 DD is much better and we do fun things together but on a much more even basis (and getting more and more so as adulthood is approaching)

they wanted space and you to facilitate that - movie wise 12A can be discussed with parents

Also the bit about ‘wishing you didn’t exist’

the friend came round to hang out with your daughter - not you!!!

Yes they were a bit rude, but at 10 I would have left them to their own devices. They definitely don't need organized activities at that age, they want to whisper and giggle together, ppick thier owm DVD and be left alone. When my DD was that age, I provided meals and snacks, a place to sleep, there were DVDs, games etc available if they wanted them, and obviously I was always there for emergencies, but other than that I left them to it.

I'd tell your DD you don't appreciate the rudeness, but you have taken on board that she and her friends don't need you to organize what to do, and are perfectly capable at 10 of deciding how to spend their time together. Next time let them get on with it, maybe have a couple of activities up your sleeve if they get bored and ask, but otherwise stay in the background.

I disagree. There was no excuse for rudeness and 10 is exactly the right age to learn this.

They were rude but you were way over involved

They are 10, they want to spend time with each other not you and you don't need to give them activities unless you know they're into crafting and your DD asked for it, they'd be quite happy to hang out in your DD's room doing whatever and then watch a movie. Supply them with popcorn and let them get on with it.

Pancake breakfast en famille would probably have gone down fine had they had time to themselves earlier

Your husband is right. I'd just just say to your DD you realise you missed the mark and over planned, you won't do that again, but neither to you expect her and her friend to be rude again.

That was nice of you to arrange these activities. At 10 I do find they want to do their own thing. Good on your for caring and making an effort however yes I think it was maybe a bit too 'involved' on your part. Chalk it up to experience 😁

DD’s friend won’t be wanting to come round again, you sound overly controlling and overly involved.

Its too much OP. You should have given them options. At that age me and my friends wanted to listen to music and experiment with makeup.

I've already responded with my thoughts on the overbearing nature of OP's involvement. But I'm really surprised at how many people have said that the friend wouldn't be allowed back, or DD shouldn't be allowed another sleepover. They weren't given a chance to talk on private or voice any argument to what was going on. Of course they're going to respond like children lol. Plus...The Twits, for 10 year olds....My DD stopped watching stuff like that when she was about 5.

Love this 😄

I know you meant well but yes, you were too involved. Next time just provide dinner and lots of snacks and be around if they need anything. Let them pick their own film.
They were rude. But you were rather OTT (with the best intentions).

I think the key here is the ‘first time ever’ they were expecting to chill in DD’s room and instead it was enforced fun rather than an option of doing something. I can’t imagine telling my DD and her friend which film they could watch. I would have the final say to veto inappropriate films but I wouldn’t tell them what to watch.

Well there's a bit of an excuse when your mum is being v v embarrassing and you have a friend round.

Tweens and young teens are easily mortified.

I don't think OP needs to apologise, but she should lead by acknowledging that she was a twit to put on the twits

@MySef Sorry OP, but I think your DH is right on this one. As a matter of interest, did you run any of your "plans" past your DD? I mean, did you actually ask her what she and her friend might like to do so you could arrange what they actually wanted? (For example, there might have been a film they did want to watch - that was appropriate for 10yr olds of course - which you could have put on.) I wouldn't be too hard on your DD if she's generally a good kid - she was walking a tight-rope between you and her friend and she clearly couldn't please you both. The truth is they wanted to have fun together - just the two of them - which I'm sure you could have facilitated in the safety of your home without cramping their style. Let your frustration go and do it differently next time.

Incredibly rude but they are far too young for sleep overs IMO.

That child is extremely rude, but you never gave them a moments peace either.

Rethink the whole thing.
I wouldn't want a child that rude and dragged up in my home.