Page 36 | Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

Familyvalues80 · 27/10/2025 21:12

I have a 10 year old and there is no way on earth I would make them do activities with me! They run into the house and disappear upstairs having a ball with each other. I’m afraid you’ve been over bearing and your daughter will probably be quite embarrassed about it. The other child was rude, yes, but they didn’t get the sleepover they were looking forward too.

Bunny65 · 27/10/2025 21:12

Of course they would want time to play on their own at that age. Next time back off and leave them to it.

FullLondonEye · 27/10/2025 21:45

knor · 27/10/2025 20:25

Well she’s the parent and they’re 10, not 18 so OP can dictate in her own home, if she wishes.
if you read OPs other posts/comments, she said her daughter originally agreed with the pumpkin carving and pancakes before the friend got there so feels like the daughter changed her mind after the friend didn’t think it was “cool.”
punished is maybe a bit of a strong word but im just saying, you should never be rude to your parents. Daughter could’ve taken mother aside and said “we don’t want to do this.”
OP wrote to MN to ask if she was OTT and everyone has agreed that was she and the kids should’ve been left to themselves. But I still think it sounds like the children were a bit rude.
if OP decides she’s not being OTT and wants to do this at every sleepover her daughter has at her house; she can? She’s the parent. I’m not saying I think she should do this but children should never be rude to parents. I do think the friend was more rude though. Just my opinion

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But when the OP’s daughter told her, before the sleepover, that she didn’t want to do board games, the OP decided to ignore it because she herself did want to do them. Whispering isn’t to be encouraged and yes, children should be polite but it sounds like these two were forced into a corner by the OP’s behaviour. Why do we expect better manners from a pair of frustrated ten year olds than we do from the grown adult at the same event?

FullLondonEye · 27/10/2025 21:50

Calliopespa · 27/10/2025 21:06

I agree with the take that the DD was happy with the suggestions.

I don't think op was doing this for herself - I mean come on! She was trying to give her DD a fabulous sleepover and the guest was bratty which unseated things and made DD "go rogue," which then left op wondering what she was doing wrong.

I don't think so much effort and thought is necessary for a sleepover; the children take it and run with it themselves. But I also definitely don't think op was somehow desperate to capture two people a fraction of her age and force them to watch the Twits with her.

The sad truth is the DD was probably excited and looking forward to everything op had planned (and discussed) with her and the bratty guest just rained on everything with her bratty attitude.

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That’s not what happened though. The OP confirmed that her daughter had said beforehand that she didn’t want board games and the OP decided to ignore it because she wanted to do board games. Having already told her mother that and got nowhere, at what point could this ten year old have expected a more reasonable response? How could she have handled it more politely when attempts to communicate earlier hadn’t worked?

Calliopespa · 27/10/2025 22:01

FullLondonEye · 27/10/2025 21:50

That’s not what happened though. The OP confirmed that her daughter had said beforehand that she didn’t want board games and the OP decided to ignore it because she wanted to do board games. Having already told her mother that and got nowhere, at what point could this ten year old have expected a more reasonable response? How could she have handled it more politely when attempts to communicate earlier hadn’t worked?

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Oh I might not have followed closely enough in that case. I just remembered op mentioning her DD seemed fine/is normally ok with some of the activities. But if she had said she didn't want board games then it's not surprising it didn't go down well.

Endorewitch · 27/10/2025 23:23

Sorry ,but you were totally overinvolved. They asked if they could go upstairs and you wouldnt let them. Fine providing activities but they are there only if children ask about them. And you leave them to it. You dont force them to do stuff. Or hang around.
10yrs seems a little late for a first sleepover. You were controlling them . You even chose movie.
Next time have stuff to do as a back un. Otherwise leave them to it. Provide plenty of snacks that they can get if they want.

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/10/2025 23:30

FullLondonEye · 27/10/2025 21:45

But when the OP’s daughter told her, before the sleepover, that she didn’t want to do board games, the OP decided to ignore it because she herself did want to do them. Whispering isn’t to be encouraged and yes, children should be polite but it sounds like these two were forced into a corner by the OP’s behaviour. Why do we expect better manners from a pair of frustrated ten year olds than we do from the grown adult at the same event?

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I find it odd how some pp's seem to have higher expectations of two 10 year olds than OP herself who is an adult.

OP caused the situation by inserting herself into the sleepover and doing things she wanted to do like it was her sleepover.

PrincessHedgehog · 28/10/2025 02:43

MySef · 26/10/2025 18:06

My entire childhood was one big sleepover 😂 just not the type you see in the movies. Which I suppose is what I was aiming for here 🤦‍♀️

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Aww, you were being so kind. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Sort of a generational/cultural misunderstanding. I hope you feel better soon, your daughter was just being a ‘tweenager’, when you were excited to do fun stuff with them. Are your daughter and her friends usually more interactive with you in other contexts? They may just be growing more independent. Maybe they also had built up a (stereotyped American film) idea of what a ‘first sleepover’ is like. I remember some of my friends’ parents being really involved and some almost invisible (or scary!) I’m sure it really hurt for you :(

Tryinghardtobefair · 28/10/2025 03:57

Unfortunately I think you were a bit OTT and smothered your DD and her friend. You won't have done any long term damage, just apologise and explain your intentions and that you went to boarding school etc.

I have a 12 year old and there's a bit of a balance to sleepovers, a lot of it depends on how well you know the other child as well. DD had her best friend stay for 5 days. I've known DDs friend since she was 3, and before we moved away, they were at each others houses multiple times a week. We did quite a few of things together, but all but one of those was at their request. I took them to a major city to go shopping as DDs friend had never been. DD and her friend requested we go and see Jurassic park so we did that. We went to a hot air balloon festival one evening as well. We ate some family meals together as well. Between those things the girls basically spent their time in DDs room.

When DD had a different friend, who I don't know as well come on weekend away with us, they were a lot more independent and had a lot less interest in doing "family" things.

I think the best thing to do going forward is go ask DD what she wants to do at her sleepover and go from there ❤️

changeme4this · 28/10/2025 03:59

If your DD was up for these activities before the ‘friend’ arrived, I think you/she has a questionable relationship with the friend and it’s not a good match.

try hosting another friend, neighbouring child or cousin. And perhaps consider if this current friendship is school based, get your DD involved in an interest away from school.

tragichero · 28/10/2025 05:12

changeme4this · 28/10/2025 03:59

If your DD was up for these activities before the ‘friend’ arrived, I think you/she has a questionable relationship with the friend and it’s not a good match.

try hosting another friend, neighbouring child or cousin. And perhaps consider if this current friendship is school based, get your DD involved in an interest away from school.

You shouldn't select your child's friends based on whether they want to play boardgames with you.

tragichero · 28/10/2025 05:17

knor · 27/10/2025 20:25

Well she’s the parent and they’re 10, not 18 so OP can dictate in her own home, if she wishes.
if you read OPs other posts/comments, she said her daughter originally agreed with the pumpkin carving and pancakes before the friend got there so feels like the daughter changed her mind after the friend didn’t think it was “cool.”
punished is maybe a bit of a strong word but im just saying, you should never be rude to your parents. Daughter could’ve taken mother aside and said “we don’t want to do this.”
OP wrote to MN to ask if she was OTT and everyone has agreed that was she and the kids should’ve been left to themselves. But I still think it sounds like the children were a bit rude.
if OP decides she’s not being OTT and wants to do this at every sleepover her daughter has at her house; she can? She’s the parent. I’m not saying I think she should do this but children should never be rude to parents. I do think the friend was more rude though. Just my opinion

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Do you genuinely mean this. You can "dictate" in your own home if your child is under 18?.No need to consult their wishes or be fair in any way - you own the house and get to do what you like and the kids just have to suck it up?

I find that a horrible view of what it is to be a parent ,sorry. All this "my house, my rules" shit you hear on here makes my blood run cold, frankly. The idea that the one with the power has the right to behave as unreasonably and unfairly as they like, and need observe no social or moral code, just their own caprices and desires.....

People who are patented like that have a pretty horrible time. And they don't generally like their parents very much. Understandably.

tragichero · 28/10/2025 05:23

Calliopespa · 27/10/2025 17:24

Your activities, your game, a movie you wanted to see.

Haven't RTET but did op REALLY want to see the Twits?!

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Yes, she specifically states in an earlier post that she was really looking forward to watching it, and is hurt because her DD knew this.

tragichero · 28/10/2025 05:37

Nanatobethatsme46 · 27/10/2025 09:03

I think at 10 years old you were doing everything that my just turned 10 year old would love to do either with just us or her friends
Yesterday we sat and carved pumpkins as a family , she would have been happy if a friend was there doing that with us too, or watching a movie with a pizza and snacks all together
At 10 years old my daughter is absolutely not allowed to wonder the streets alone or with her mates
The children sound rude and id sit down with her and let her know the attitude from them both was not acceptable and plenty of parents dont do nice things with or for their kids. She is ungreatful

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She should be grateful for OP.making her do stuff she doesn't want to do, because your child would have enjoyed it?

Different kids. My daughter hated board games at 10, and would never have wanted to watch the Twits (and not would I quite frankly).

Doesn't make her ungrateful because she has tastes and preferences. Kids are actually allowed these too.

RightThenRightAgain · 28/10/2025 05:50

tragichero · 28/10/2025 05:17

Do you genuinely mean this. You can "dictate" in your own home if your child is under 18?.No need to consult their wishes or be fair in any way - you own the house and get to do what you like and the kids just have to suck it up?

I find that a horrible view of what it is to be a parent ,sorry. All this "my house, my rules" shit you hear on here makes my blood run cold, frankly. The idea that the one with the power has the right to behave as unreasonably and unfairly as they like, and need observe no social or moral code, just their own caprices and desires.....

People who are patented like that have a pretty horrible time. And they don't generally like their parents very much. Understandably.

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I agree with you.

Saying that a ten year old can’t decide what to do with a friend in her home and that a parent can dictate what happens is an awful view on parenting. I can’t believe that people actually think like that.

NameChangedUnderstandingGained · 28/10/2025 06:42

MySef · 26/10/2025 15:33

Thanks for all the replies.

We bought the pumpkins on Friday with the intention of carving them on the sleepover which DD was initially up for

the board game - DD had grumbled about this when I first mentioned it but I only wanted her to give an hour to it out of the whole evening. I love board games and very rarely get to play them and this seemed like a great opportunity to get the kids doing something sociable rather than hiding away in a bedroom.

The Twits was the No.1 recommended film on Netflix, I’d been looking forward to watching it which DD knew. They wanted to watch films that were entirely inappropriate

DD normally loved hot chocolate and had been looking forward to this, however changed her mind when it actually came to it - same with pancakes

"I love board games and very rarely get to play them and this seemed like a great opportunity to get the kids doing something sociable rather than hiding away in a bedroom."

forced to do something YOU love isn't fun on a sleepover.

Hmm1234 · 28/10/2025 08:58

MySef · 26/10/2025 12:02

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

My four year old son would enjoy a day/ evening like this lol

Airspice · 28/10/2025 09:06

You sound insufferable. At 10 they don’t want you micromanaging their sleepover! At that age I’d have asked my daughters beforehand if they had any ideas of what they fancied doing with their friend and followed their lead. Of course they didn’t want to spend the entire time doing activities with you!

LizzieW1969 · 28/10/2025 09:14

Airspice · 28/10/2025 09:06

You sound insufferable. At 10 they don’t want you micromanaging their sleepover! At that age I’d have asked my daughters beforehand if they had any ideas of what they fancied doing with their friend and followed their lead. Of course they didn’t want to spend the entire time doing activities with you!

You do realise that the OP won’t be reading your unkind words? She’s long gone and I’m not surprised with the pile on she’s had on here.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 28/10/2025 09:47

LizzieW1969 · 28/10/2025 09:14

You do realise that the OP won’t be reading your unkind words? She’s long gone and I’m not surprised with the pile on she’s had on here.

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Who made you Head Girl?

MousseMousse · 28/10/2025 09:54

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 28/10/2025 09:47

Who made you Head Girl?

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She can have my vote, I agree with what she said

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 28/10/2025 09:56

MousseMousse · 28/10/2025 09:54

She can have my vote, I agree with what she said

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I'm sure you're a shoo-in for prefect.

LizzieW1969 · 28/10/2025 10:17

But what’s the point when the OP isn’t on here anymore? It always puzzles me, the way pile ons continue after the OP has long gone.

Calliopespa · 28/10/2025 11:33

tragichero · 28/10/2025 05:23

Yes, she specifically states in an earlier post that she was really looking forward to watching it, and is hurt because her DD knew this.

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Yes, I'm finding I had missed that update!

It does put a bit of a different spin on it!

Calliopespa · 28/10/2025 11:36

LizzieW1969 · 28/10/2025 10:17

But what’s the point when the OP isn’t on here anymore? It always puzzles me, the way pile ons continue after the OP has long gone.

Pile-ons tend to be driven by generalised pent-up anger in posters, or by particular issues which annoy them for their own very personal reasons.

So long as they can imagine someone - anyone - is still listening, they find it cathartic.