Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

[MySef]

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

Fairly crucial detail of their age missing

Are they 8 or 13?

It was rude. But, how old are they? You say 'for the first time' which makes them sound young, as do the activities, but old enough to go for a walk on their own?

How old are they?

You do sound very OTT. Sleepovers aren't about you.

How old are they?

I wouldn’t have been rude about it, but from about 10 I wouldn’t really have wanted to socialise much with my friends’ parents - they were around, but generally kids would make their own entertainment.

How old are they? It's kind to have activities they can do lined up like the pumpkin carving but I wouldn't put any pressure on them. My 11 / 13 year olds want to be left more or less alone when having sleepovers with friends, that's the time when I might relax the "eating at the table as a family" and let them have pizza in front of a film

1. yes they were both incredibly rude and I wouldn't have that friend back again
2. it was a sleepover - you got way too involved and the obnoxious friend had a point

I'm on tenterhooks to find out the age 🤣

Age is absolutely relevant here!

Just following for the big age reveal 😅

Forced fun isn't great at any age. It sounds like the activities were for you

Unless they are under ten or so, of course they are not wanting a parent tagging along. Part of the fun is friends together without parents. Didn’t you have sleep overs? Just let them get on with it, provide food and drink, and be around but leave them to it.

I’m waiting to hear they’re 18 years old! 😂😂😂😂

I’d love it if they were 16 and OP is making them do pumpkin carving and watch The Twits!

If they are old enough to go for a walk without you I’m afraid you were over invested. They just want to do their own thing, and that’s developmentally normal and ok!

Joining the chorus waiting for the age. Activities and level of intervention is at odds with tween attitude description and walking alone.

Even if 8 they should have just been left to get on with it, but let's not pile on the op here it's not like she gave matches to play with

Regardless of age, did you give them ANY time to just hang out and be friends, or were you supervising the whole time?

I think it’s lovely that you put so much effort into activities but usually at a certain age they want to just hang out with their friends instead of doing eveything with the parents.

It's both OP. They were rude and you were over invested. Nice to think of some activities in advance but it does sound like you had too much of a schedule.

My daughters 11 and I would supply all these things but really just leave them to it; they want to gossip and chat without doing so in front of you. Leave them be

Isn’t it just! 😁

Yes. Although if they're old enough to go for a walk on their own, they're probably old enough to manage their own entertainment.

OP - it sounds like you tried to provide them with a fun time but what they wanted was time to play on their own. You made a mistake but they were certainly a bit rude. I suspect your dd was a bit embarrassed by your over involvement.

I would suggest having a chat with your dd and explaining that you were trying to ensure they had a fun time but misjudged it. Tell her she was rude, which is not acceptable. Then discuss how sleepovers should be handled in future.

As everyone said, are they 7 or 27?

This is relevant.

They’re 10