Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

[MySef]

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

They just want to hang out in her bed room don't they it sounds like loads of effort but your Dd just wanted to hang out with her friend really. I am sorry it hasn't worked out the way you thought

I used to just provide snacks and films and leave them to it,

I think that fact is quite telling in itself!

ETA: Oh just seen that the kids are 10. Yep, mortifying!

You are out of touch. I’d have stopped being involved at the first huff and puff.

They were rude and should have been able to deal with you babying them better. (I assume you live somewhere safe enough for 10 year olds to go out since you let them go)

Doesn’t dd have friends round very often? At age 10 I was mainly there to provide food, snack and drinks and the kids did what they fancied.

If dd is normally very clingy towards you then I can understand why you might be surprised that she was ok without you helicoptering but next time, use it as an excuse to chill.

You obviously went to a lot of effort to make it a success, but misunderstood the main premise. They want to spend unstructured time together.

Pumpkin carving - fine, but maybe better this morning after they’d had some time together?

Board game - nope. Leave them alone. If they want to play a board game, they will, but not with you.

Movie night with popcorn - great, but let them choose the movie and then leave them to it to watch together

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed - great, but again, deliver it to them and then leave them alone

Pancakes - lovely, but just make them for them and deliver to room or call them down for breakfast, then back off

Walk - great, get them wrapped up, give them a curfew, wave goodbye.

all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist

They don’t you to not exist; they just want you to back off a bit.

Apologise (seriously). Explain you recognise you went overboard. Invite friend to come back. Back off next time.

I am cringing for you @MySef
You've committed a massive sleep over crime
You tried way too hard, sorry.

They were rude but agree with others you were maybe a bit too in their faces.

My DD is 9- had a sleepover recently and I provided some craft supplies, copious snacks and dinner. Left them to their own devices and intervened occasionally to suggest they pick out a movie or get outside for bit.

I feel my role is general sheepdog- set the boundaries, let them roam within those, bark occasionally if the noise levels are getting excessive.

At 10 you should have left them to it. Your daughter was probably embarrassed. I don’t understand why you insisted on hanging about with them all night.

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

At 10 you don’t need to be doing this, they entertain each other, that’s the whole point of the sleepover. That’s more appropriate for a 6 year old. Your daughters probably so embarrassed.

Oh dear, the minute people mention hot chocolate and marshmallows, I cringe. Just let them get on with it. They want to talk about what they want to talk about. It is not a Hallmark Christmas movie set. It is a sleepover. You sound very controlling and why should they find fun in what your organise. Perhaps they do their own thing.

Yeah you invaded waaaaay too much. Playing and watching with them? Planning activities for them? Bit ott

How old???

Did you ask them/your daughter if they wanted organised activities or what kind of things they wanted to do or did you choose pumpkin carving and board games unilaterally? Did you ask what films they might like to see or just decide for them that it would be The Twits?

The point of the sleepover would be for them to hang out with each other, not with you. Yes, the visiting girl should have expressed herself more politely but it sounds like they were getting pretty frustrated and you should probably have taken the hint much sooner and left them to it.

Oh come on, the child and your DD wanted to spend time together not with YOU!

Depends on the

That was way too much involvement. Just leave them to it, if there is a next time.

they wanted to spend time
together, not with you. Yabu.

They sound rude but agree you were overkill in planning the activities unless your daughter had specifically asked you to do so.

My nearly 10 year old would not want me interfering on a sleepover or playdate, and while she would enjoy some of these activities she would not want me there.
We did put on the twits ourselves yesterday, but I can see it being seen as childish and maybe you should have let them choose.

I think you need to let your daughter lead with sleepover plans in the future.

I think you planned some nice things, but you didn’t need to be involved in everything they did. DD was being rude but part of having sleepovers is wanting a little independence away from parents.

I don't think 10 year olds know how to be subtle you were not really taking the hint this is why her friend blurted out what she did, and your Dd was embarrassed by the fuss you were making, it might get back to other friends that you were over bearing and your Dd might get teased about it.

She should try waiting till her 18th birthday and mum decides to go clubbing with her and her friends. That did genuinely happen to one of my friends 🙈.

YABVU. Why didn't you just leave them to it? Parents are way too involved and try to micromanage everything in their kids' lives these days.

Whilst I think you were a bit OTT planning all the activities you was doing that from a place of love and they shouldn't have been rude and huffy and puffy about it. I'd have the friend back once and be more relaxed about things letting them get on with their own thing more but if they or my child was rude like that again they'd not be coming round again.

The friend came round to play with your daughter not you. I'm sure your DD is mortified. Leave them alone in future im pretty sure the walk idea was just to get away from you. Can you not remember being 10? The only time we wanted out parents involvement was when they were feeding us.

I think they want more freedom and less organizing at this point. It was a bit rude but they need some space, not a series of activities

Your mistake was putting too much effort in and expecting a return. Next time enjoy the opportunity to have time to yourself