Am I out of touch or is DD and her friend being rude?

[MySef]

DD had a friend over to sleep last night, first time ever so I put a lot of effort into thinking up activities to keep them entertained.

Pumpkin carving - this was met with huffing and puffing, both sat there not wanting to get involved and sighing when asked to do anything

Board game - same attitude, both huffing and puffing that they didn’t want to do it.

Movie night with popcorn - I put The Twits on - this was met with groans and accusations of being babyish. Friend whispering to DD that they could just go upstairs in their own.

Hot chocolate and marshmallows before bed, more whispering that they could just go upstairs on their own.

So this morning, they come downstairs and I said I would make pancakes, heard friend whispering to DD “is this another thing where we all have to sit around together?”. DD complaining saying they didn’t want anything for breakfast.

DD then comes in and announces that they want to go out for a walk, fine - I start putting my shoes on and hear friend whispering to DD “do we have to do everything with your mum?” DD snapping at me that they wanted to go on their own.

They’ve now gone out and I’m sat here seething, all the effort I put into organising a fun weekend sleepover and I feel that they’d rather I just didn’t exist. More upset with DD as I feel she knows better.

DH saying I’m out of touch and should have left them to it.

AIBU

at pretty much any age, I think children need time to socialise with their friends without adult input. I let my three year old play independently alongside his little pals without micromanaging them so I fear you’ve been quite overbearing here op. Yes the other girl was a bit rude, but they sometimes are when they feel embarrassed or awkward.

@MySef the YABU/YANBU depends on the age.

If they're 10 or under then YANBU but over 10 then it's a bit much.

Agree with this.

then yes, your daughter is rude.

Expect that'll be the last sleepover she has 😉

If they’re old enough to go for a walk on their own then they were probably expecting the type of sleepover where they hang out and chat in your DD’s room, choose a film themselves and eat pizza/whatever in their PJs. It’s nice that you made an effort and they could have said something kindly instead of huffing and puffing, but sounds like you were too involved

The girl was rude but perhaps they wanted to be left to their own devices.

I have an 18 year old who had a mate sleep over last night. They went out for drinks. I’m well miffed I didn’t get an invite 😂

If they are over 6 you are being ridiculous. Why did you have to join in every activity?

Yes, they were rude. But, to be fair, you were being a bit much. As they’d made it perfectly clear that they wanted to be left alone to do their own thing, why didn’t you just…leave them alone to do their own thing?

Unless their under 5 they want to hang out together, they don't want a schedule of entertainment with you. 10yr olds dont want to hang out with their mum when theyve got a friend round. They can entertain themselves

Why didn't you at least let them pick the film they wanted?

At that age, I might have had a couple of things up my sleeve for them to do together in case they got bored.

Otherwise, I would hardly have seen mine when they had a friend over from about 8 onwards. We probably would have had a meal altogether.

Now you’ve given their age, I think they were being rude - particularly the friend, as a guest. If this were my DD’s friend, I wouldn’t be having her round again. DD would also be getting a sharp word from me about manners.
Perhaps there was a tad too much exuberance from you in terms of activities (though the 10yo girls I know would love a bit of pumpkin carving), but the being rude about sitting down to breakfast is unacceptable.
I also wouldn’t let my 10yo DD go out on a walk with a friend unattended - with her older brother, yes, but not with another child the same age (I appreciate that is probably location specific though)

Then they’re more than old enough to entertain themselves. Did your daughter actually ask for all these things? If so then yes, she was being rude. If not then you should have just left them alone as they probably already had plans for things they wanted to do.

Then you were way too over-involved.

They were both rude, but they are 10, not 7.
Board games, pumpkin carving and 'The Twits' for 10 year olds?!

Oh well. Now you know OP. A fun sleepover for your DD and this friend involves time alone to do as they please without you being there. As long as you keep your weather eye on what exactly they're up to on their own, then, given the point of the excercise was your DDs pleasure rather than yours, you accept that and get on with your thing.
I agree they were a bit rude (the whispering would have infuriated me) but tbf, you were pretty slow to take the hint and rather determined to have your way, so they maybe felt a bit trapped and resentful.

I wouldn't have organised anything and let them do their own thing at that age.

I think 10 might be a little old for some of that stuff, but not all. Do either of them have phones?

Youve got yourself a tween there. You tried to make it fun but you could have just left them to it.

It is rude to hear the whispering though and I imagine that kid has some influence over your DD if shes usually up for those things.

Did you ask what they’d like to do on the sleepover?

I would have asked DD what she and her friend wanted to do/watch and then I would have organised around that. Sounds like you made all the choices?
10 is a difficult age (aren't all ages difficult though tbh) not quite a teen but they think they are! Perhaps her friend has a very relaxed home life where she is quite independent?
They definitely wouldn't have wanted Mum tagging along on a walk and the board game idea was definitely a mistake imo. The film too, the Twits is definitely more infant age than primary.
Next time, if there is a next time, ask DD what she wants to do and then take it from there.

I agree with this

Absolute overkill at aged 10 - Give them some space!

😬

Sorry- you were trying to micromanage their free time together. How would you feel if someone gatecrashed your time with your mate, when you just wanted to hang loose?

That said, they could’ve been nicer about telling you to shove off.

The whispering was rude but you were way too smothering.

Did you ask them what film they would like or give them any choice in what they wanted to do or did you just timetable the whole thing?

Your dd must have been mortified that you were going to go out on a walk with them.