To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

[tricerotopsrule]

I was thinking of inviting around 15 pals out for dinner to a nice restaurant to mark my 50th birthday. Normally for ‘normal’ birthdays for mine or others we have all paid for our own meal. But given this is a big birthday I wondered if I should pay for everyone? When I’ve been out for other big birthdays sometimes folk have paid for everyone and other times people pay for themselves.

What’s the norm?? WWYD?

You invite you pay

I'd pay for all. If you can't / don't want to, then that's fine though so long as you make it very clear when inviting ppl

Happy birthday.

You pay.

Id pay for everyone but if you can't you need to make it very clear in your invite. If you expect people to pay for themselves then also make it very clear that no presents are expected

They pay..

You need to make it clear when you invite them.

I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules. The trick is being upfront when inviting so there are no surprises.

I paid for food and some wine/ water for the table, if they wanted more than that to drink they paid themselves.

I agree you invite you pay.

It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive per head - local pub with good atmosphere or whatever and pre-decided wines / beers but don’t get people to end up budgeting and worrying about it.

Or do a party at your house or village hall if cheaper. Booze cruise for French fizz on the cheap, Aldi party food and a big chilli if eating.

A party at your home or a hall, you pay. But at a restaurant, everyone pays for themselves, in fact IMO it would be normal for everyone to cover the birthday girls' meal. I would certainly not expect someone to pay for 15 people in a restaurant. That's ridiculous. You could put some wine on the table though.

Why?

^ This.

I think it depends on your group. In my group of friends I don’t think anyone could afford to pay for 15 people to have a decent meal, especially with drinks.

You invite, you pay, in the UK.

I’m really surprised at the responses, unless you’re very wealthy I’d assume everyone would pay for their own meals 🤷‍♀️

It would cost you loads otherwise.

I think this is one of those customs that is changing and currently depends on your social circle.

Traditionally, if you invite you pay.

However, the more modern etiquette (probably to do with cost) seems to be that everyone pays their own way but the host gets drinks for the table or something.

I think as long as you’re clear on the invitation either is fine.

This has never been my experience, born and raised in England.

We had a ridiculous situation one big birthday where my husband had about 20 friends go out for dinner. Nothing fancy but the norm in that group was to just split it out and everyone pay for the birthday person. So he didn’t pay. A week later we went out for a friend’s same birthday but his cultural norm was to pay for birthday dinners… so my husband didn’t pay again. This was a very long time ago and I still remember how awkward we felt about it!

Basically I think either is fine and most groups of friends have one way they trend. If you can easily afford to treat I do think it’s nice though - then you can pick somewhere within your budget and no one has to worry about it.

They pay.

In our family, the invitee pays for drinks and everyone buys their own meal. Works for us

I'd pay. I did the same for my 40th.

I went to a 50th where the host paid for two courses (we had to preorder as we’re a big group) and we then all paid for our drinks.

I could not afford to pay for 15 people (and I don't have 15 friends) so would only invite a couple of my close friends. Otherwise cook at home for them. If you cook, they will arrive with the drinks.

Alternatively you could send a message asking if anyone would like to meet up and go for dinner in whatever restaurant you all like but I wouldn't have it centre around your birthday. You could say they have an early bird on etc so its clear they will be paying for themselves. If they are close friends they will know its your birthday anyway?

That said I have always paid for myself at any birthday meals I have been invited to. The only people that pay for our meals are our parents and in laws who can comfortably afford it.

I would buy a few bottles of wine for the table

I think if nothing else this thread is proving that there isn’t actually a norm!

I set a £25 limit, at a good pub for my 60th, 3 years ago, they paid for drinks, 17 in total, worked well