To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

[tricerotopsrule]

I was thinking of inviting around 15 pals out for dinner to a nice restaurant to mark my 50th birthday. Normally for ‘normal’ birthdays for mine or others we have all paid for our own meal. But given this is a big birthday I wondered if I should pay for everyone? When I’ve been out for other big birthdays sometimes folk have paid for everyone and other times people pay for themselves.

What’s the norm?? WWYD?

If you ‘invite’ someone that means you are hosting something and should cover the costs . If you don’t want to pay then you are just technically organising a get together. Make sure you tell them also .

We’ve just had a meal out for my DH 50th. It never even crossed my mind to pay for everyone else?! Nor did our friends/family expect to be paid for….

Because it could be very embarrassing when the bill arrives!

What are inviting them for then? How weird.

Literally never have been to a meal paid by the birthday person and Im 52 and go out all the time.
I have countless times paid for the birthday person's meal.

Family my husband birthday I pay.

Friends again my husband birthday we had a set price menu at the table in the hotel. I covered all the drinks at the table.

Otherwise we all pay our own bills.

I think it depends how it is phrased.

If you put on a group chat something like "It's my birthday on Friday, anyone fancy going out for something to eat?" maybe followed up with "Any suggestions where, or there is that new restaurant we wanted to try .." then I would expect to pay for my own.

If you messaged to say "Id like to invite you to my birthday, this restaurant, this date, please RSVP by such and such". Then I'd be imagining you has arranged something specific and might wonder if you were paying. I probably wouldn't be certain until I got there and waited to see if there was a set menu or if you said something specific about what was happening.

I’m 47 and have experienced both.

IME it tends to be the generation above me who pay for everyone and my generation we pay for ourselves and chip in for the birthday person.

Seems rude

I've done different over the years. So eg for my (now ex) H 40th we set a restricted fixed price menu at a great local restaurant- guests paid for their food, we picked up nibbles/pre meal drinks, all wines/soft drinks,coffees/post meal liquers etc. For other big birthdays I've fully hosted smaller numbers. Definitely communication is key.

We pay for ourselves and split the birthday person’s bill is the normal in my family/friend group.

I would expect to pay for myself.

I always thought if you invited folk then you pay. These days it seems to be acceptable to expect folk to pay their own. I wouldn't do this.

The people who say you invite, you pay… so every time you suggest a meal out you have to pay for it? Or just if it’s a birthday meal. Genuinely curious. How the other half live ey… 15 people at least £30 a head nowadays. I would not expect my friends to pay that, I would be happy to come and celebrate and pay for my own meal.

If you can afford to, it would be a lovely gesture.

At my 40th we invited ppl and we paid for dinner and a nominal amount for drinks, the rest they paid. I’m about to do similar for my 50th. I’m inviting everyone for the dinner and will cover that and have wine on the table, anything else they can pay for.

When my DH had a big birthday recently he made it clear he was paying for a meal he'd invited 14 people to. However, his lovely relatives paid for all the booze.

Every single meal I've been asked to join for a birthday, ive paid for my own meal.

This has never been my experience, ever, and I've been out for many, many birthday dinners. The bill has always been split.

Absolutely none of my peers would be able to afford to pay for 15 people. We'd all rather go out and celebrate the birthday person and pay for ourselves than not go out at all.
What circles is everyone else mixing in!? 🙈 I've only had this happen with wealthy, older family members back when I was growing up. No idea how anyone could afford that now.

Or mine, certainly not in a restaurant.

Different friendship groups have different norms. No right or wrong as long as you are upfront.

I'm in my 50s and whenever I go out for a meal with friends, we split the bill. If it's someone's birthday, then the rest of us cover their meal.

The norm is that if you invite, you pick up the tab yourself. Can't believe you're even asking that.
If you don't have a lot of money to spend, choose a cheap place that doesn't serve alcohol.

Honestly a meal for 15 people would be so expensive,.you may as well just taken yourself on a holiday instead

I've been to birthday meals with different groups of friends. Either we each pay for our own food and drinks or we split the bill equally.