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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours request

266 replies

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

OP posts:
Upthenorth · 21/10/2025 15:13

No, you’re allowed to live in your house without her rules.

It’s normal living noise like you say, not like you are raving into the wee hours.

Her behaviour with her child is vile and wouldn't encourage me to be quieter.

takealettermsjones · 21/10/2025 15:14

Your response was perfect and she's now showing she's a weirdo 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jasmin71 · 21/10/2025 15:14

She is batshit. Ignore her.

Upthenorth · 21/10/2025 15:14

Can she genuinely hear your hair dryer that much?

Surely you hear more noise from young children if the walls are that thin?

Broadbeansaresleepinginablanketybed · 21/10/2025 15:16

YANBU at all, other than maybe the hairdryer, I wouldn't use a hairdryer at 5am. I rhink it depends on the time of day for the tuble dryer too, I wouldn't use one late at night. If the daughter does it again, run outside looking concerned, reassure the daughter and tell her the police are on their way.

TheCountessofLocksley · 21/10/2025 15:17

i don’t think you need to worry too much. If she’s allowing her child to scream for 10mins outside houses one of the other neighbours will soon complain/put a stop to it.

MissMoneyFairy · 21/10/2025 15:18

I expect her poor daughter will have a bit of a sore throat today, ignore them.

Round3HereWeGo · 21/10/2025 15:18

Ignore. Strange neighbour

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 21/10/2025 15:19

Jeezo. Ask her if she wants weekly pee and blood samples too. Ffs!

JohnBullshit · 21/10/2025 15:20

Your response was beyond reasonable. I'd be inclined to make a reciprocal list to keep in hand in case of escalation. If she can hear you then you can hear them, right?

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:20

I doubt she can hear my hair dryer I use it in the room furthest from her room and it’s a Dyson which is way quieter than my old one which she never complained about.
we have the same washing machine and I don’t hear hers so I doubt she hears mine.
I do hear her kids the cry a lot and scream/shout so I hear that occasionally and hear her shouting at them if they’re playing up.

OP posts:
GAJLY · 21/10/2025 15:21

I'd ignore them. I'm pretty sure the other neighbours will have something to say about her child screaming outside!

curious79 · 21/10/2025 15:24

This is going to escalate. I hope you have cameras up. That is truly bat shit crazy behaviour getting her kid to scream in your path.

lovemyboyz247 · 21/10/2025 15:25

Bloody hell. She needs to get a life.

ignore her ridiculous demands and carry on as you are. How can she seriously tell you when you can have a shower and flush your toilet??

carry on as you are. The only thing I wouldn’t do is use the hairdryer early morning, but you are not doing anything wrong by just living your life

BJRCEKD · 21/10/2025 15:27

She sounds like she may have mental issues.
I agree with the poster above, invest in a front door camera, this is only the start.

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:27

We live next to a school so there’s always a bit of noise at start and end time and it’s not super early. What she doesn’t know is I sleep with earplugs in so I wouldn’t have heard the screaming anyway😂
I’m tempted to be less considerate but that would require effort and I’m lazy!
it’s collection time and they’re standing outside her house with friends talking/shouting/laughing (which she never does) so she clearly trying to wind me up.

OP posts:
ThisCanFuckOffToo · 21/10/2025 15:27

I don’t think I’d use a hairdryer at 5 am if I lived in an attached house but the rest of her requests are completely unreasonable, as is her behaviour, obviously.

ThisGentleRaven · 21/10/2025 15:30

She's batshit.

I don't work shifts and I still use the loo at random times at night. I flush the toilets, even with kids in the house! Most people do.

Washing machine on spins ARE noisy and annoying, but loo and showers? No choice.

Good luck with that idiot.

Friendlygingercat · 21/10/2025 15:30

I used to live in a flat with an elderly neighbour underneath. She complained to the housing cooperative management that I was often up til after midnight, walking around, having a shwer, flushing the loo etc. She admitted that I was not having guests in or playing music, just normal domestic noise. Still she could not relax until she heard me walk into my bedroom. The chair was nonplussed and told her that these were simply lifestyle differences and as I was not breaking my lease in any way he could not intervene. I told her that she often woke me up on the morning of a late shift hoovering and running the washer. If she could keep these activities til after 10 am I would make a special effort to be quiet after 10 pm, although I gave no gaurantee what time I would go to bed. She huffed that she liked to get her housework done early.

The result was that every time she woke me hoovering etc at 8 am I deliberately punished her by banging about that evening. I flushed the loo, ran the shower, and slammed a few drawers in the kitchen. When she was quiet at the beginning of the day I made an effort to be quiet at the end. Eventually she learned.

spoonbillstretford · 21/10/2025 15:33

You aren't doing anything wrong. I'd say that I'm sorry if she is disturbed by it, but that I don't feel I'm being excessively noisy and that these are just the normal sounds of life, and there is nothing I can do about it.

That said, I don't flush the toilet in the night after a wee but have to if the odd time it's a no 2.

Happyher · 21/10/2025 15:36

Tell her it’s not you - it must be the neighbour on the other side

OriginalUsername2 · 21/10/2025 15:36

I’d make more noises. How you treat me, I treat you.

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:43

There is no way she’s hearing the hair dryer I just put it on then went into my bedroom and I can barely hear it through the closed doors and then the noise needs to go through another room plus the adjoining wall so I’m sure she can’t hear it.

She also just put music on far louder than she ever had before, bet she’s got a speaker pushed up against the wall!

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 21/10/2025 15:49

What a sad little life she must have.

KookyRoseCrab · 21/10/2025 15:50

I would tell her to f * off 😂 yes there is some houses near us that have paper thin walls and I’ve heard you can hear everything but your not doing that your going about normal life . As for the child i would just ignore him/her as more fool the mum