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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours request

266 replies

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

OP posts:
eyeses · 21/10/2025 16:37

Doggymummar · 21/10/2025 16:27

Honestly, is it worth the drama? We are buying a semi-detached, moving from detached and I've already sourced acoustic panel's. They are very cheap and then you can make as much noise as you like as it will be absorbed. I'm very concerned to be good neighbour tho.

I think you (and you new neighbours) are in for a rude awakening.
Sound proofing is neither cheap nor easy between parts of a building that share joists or cavity walls with vents, as most semis will.

MyDeftDuck · 21/10/2025 16:42

WTAF! If that’s all she has to complain about then she is one very lucky, albeit batshit crazy, bitch!

Theunamedcat · 21/10/2025 16:42

Is it her child's school you live by? I would be tempted to complain to the school that there students are being excessively noisy on the way to school and they will pop a note in the newsletter asking for parents to be more considerate

sueelleker · 21/10/2025 16:42

Doggymummar · 21/10/2025 16:27

Honestly, is it worth the drama? We are buying a semi-detached, moving from detached and I've already sourced acoustic panel's. They are very cheap and then you can make as much noise as you like as it will be absorbed. I'm very concerned to be good neighbour tho.

If it's bothering her that much (which I don't believe) she should be the one getting acoustic panels. She sounds like the sort of person who would report you for noise when you're away on holiday!

TheatricalLife · 21/10/2025 16:54

eyeses · 21/10/2025 16:37

I think you (and you new neighbours) are in for a rude awakening.
Sound proofing is neither cheap nor easy between parts of a building that share joists or cavity walls with vents, as most semis will.

Show quote history

This is true. I work with acoustic panelling, and cheap and DIY is rarely effective. You may get some muffling, but it won't be a noise stopper at all. It's surprisingly difficult to sound proof a room entirely and lots of people spend money on it and are surprised and disappointed it hasn't worked to the degree they thought.

Peachy2005 · 21/10/2025 16:54

She can use earplugs or white noise if she is that sensitive. You are entitled to flush your toilet and take a shower and dry your hair within your own property at will. Don’t let on to her that you use earplugs though: she will be mystified as to why you aren’t bothered by her attempts to annoy you 😂

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:57

MissMoneyFairy · 21/10/2025 16:36

I wouldn't bother attempting to compromise, it won't stop, I wouldn't use a washing machine or tumble dryer at 11pm, what time do you use them.

Oh I’m not using any appliances early/late except the kettle for a coffee and I’m damn sure she doesn’t hear that.

The washing machine/drier she wants off before 8pm now this is where I know she can’t hear them as I do my laundry when I get up so anytime between 9-11 am. I don’t think I’ve ever had it on after dinner time never mind into the night.

OP posts:
Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:59

Theunamedcat · 21/10/2025 16:42

Is it her child's school you live by? I would be tempted to complain to the school that there students are being excessively noisy on the way to school and they will pop a note in the newsletter asking for parents to be more considerate

Oh good point of it continues I will.
I’ve got nightshift the next few nights so she’ll no doubt try again with the screaming/music but my earplugs are superb and I won’t hear a thing!

OP posts:
Starlight7080 · 21/10/2025 17:02

Its good you are taking the high road. You can tell what she wants is you to complain. Its very childish. It will probably irritate her more if you dont acknowledge her behaviour. And definitely continue to do your normal things.
All of which are normal day to day things we all do. Most people I know are up by 6 getting on with the day .
She definitely sounds bored .

LoveWine123 · 21/10/2025 17:02

She’s absolutely nuts and looking for a fight. She’s looking for a reaction from you so I’d say ignore her completely. She loses all power if you don’t give her the time of day. What a sicko.

ScrewyouJonathon · 21/10/2025 17:04

She needs to live on the moon.

Neverflyingagain · 21/10/2025 17:05

It may well be noise from the other house that's attached to the other side that she is hearing. Is there a man living in that one perchance? You're maybe an easy target and you've not bowed down to her, so you are the issue - she wants to get you under her thumb.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 21/10/2025 17:06

I would be very petty and start intermittently making loads of noise so that she knows the difference between what you were doing and how it could be. I lived in a first floor flat and had a neighbour who asked me to stop my young children walking fast around our home. I tried to accommodate and bought rugs for hallway and other rooms but they would bang on the ceiling alot so I started tap dancing in response. They soon stopped.

ScrewyouJonathon · 21/10/2025 17:06

Broadbeansaresleepinginablanketybed · 21/10/2025 15:16

YANBU at all, other than maybe the hairdryer, I wouldn't use a hairdryer at 5am. I rhink it depends on the time of day for the tuble dryer too, I wouldn't use one late at night. If the daughter does it again, run outside looking concerned, reassure the daughter and tell her the police are on their way.

Yabu not to use a hairdryer in your own house whenever you like!

Bromptotoo · 21/10/2025 17:08

If you live in a terraced house or a semi there will be occasions where you hear neighbours. If it's TV, loud music, 'domestics' or endlessly noisy kids then there's cause for complaint.

Loos, showers and washing machines - unless bouncing around on spin at 03:00 - go with the territory.

Lotsofsnacks · 21/10/2025 17:10

Omg I’m fuming for you OP! I wouldn’t be able to hold back giving her come back!! How vile using a child to retaliate!! Sounds like u living life quietly as a normal shift worker. I do not see any of the things listed you do, as anti social, just normal. It’s not as though you are making loud noises all night. Re: the parking orders she gave when moving in, you could tell her type from the off, she thinks owns the street, totally deluded

Dearg · 21/10/2025 17:14

I would use my hairdryer, flush the wc & shower when it suits me.

We are currently detached, but when we lived in a flat I just accepted a certain level of background noise. It’s quite comforting.

Its good to consider your neighbours, avoid loud music, door slamming, engine revving, but everyday living you need to suit your own circumstances.

She’s crazy.

OnlyOnAFriday · 21/10/2025 17:15

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:43

There is no way she’s hearing the hair dryer I just put it on then went into my bedroom and I can barely hear it through the closed doors and then the noise needs to go through another room plus the adjoining wall so I’m sure she can’t hear it.

She also just put music on far louder than she ever had before, bet she’s got a speaker pushed up against the wall!

Maybe point out to her that two can play at that game and that if she’s going to be purposefully noisy you can also start playing music full blast at 5am. Maybe offer to not use the washing machine after 8pm except in an emergency as a compromise, point out you use the hairdryer as far away as possible, tell her you need to have a shower before work and you will be flushing the toilet.

Poppy61 · 21/10/2025 17:23

A bit off track, but I'd like to ask which ear plugs you use OP?! Why do you think shes suddenly started complaining after 3 years with 'not hearing' you? Well done for standing your ground.

HelplessSoul · 21/10/2025 17:29

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

You should have told her to fuck off and laughed in her face.

And then tell her to fuck off again for good measure.

YANBU but your NDN is a CFC.

Imisscoffee2021 · 21/10/2025 17:30

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:59

Oh good point of it continues I will.
I’ve got nightshift the next few nights so she’ll no doubt try again with the screaming/music but my earplugs are superb and I won’t hear a thing!

Show quote history

Honestly the best thing you can do with these queen bee types is to do what you already did, firmly and dispassionately say no to their request, and then ignore any petty repercussions like the 5 year old screaming, how sad she's dragged her kid into it and is teaching them such petty behaviour.

If she escalates to anything big obviously confront but if it's sad little things like that then she'll find it more annoying that you seem oblivious to her machinations. Terrace houses are notoriously loud sometimes and you've got to live.

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 21/10/2025 17:31

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:59

Oh good point of it continues I will.
I’ve got nightshift the next few nights so she’ll no doubt try again with the screaming/music but my earplugs are superb and I won’t hear a thing!

Show quote history

Your neighbour sounds like a knob...
but I need to know what earplugs you use !!!!

SandStormNorm · 21/10/2025 17:32

One of my neighbours is rude and completely vindictive. He was a bully to the last person who lived here and decided to try me. He was saying awful stuff loudly about me, and his wife. I don't care as thick skinned. He started dumping rubbish over the back wall and front garden. I saved it up for a few weeks and dumped it all back over his garden at his front door. I then installed CCTV and told him I would take legal action if he so much as looked at me again. He has been quiet since...go out and buy CCTV that records and sends to your phone. It maybe that neighbour issue escalates, and in which case you have evidence. It maybe that CCTV acts as a deterrent. This woman is just hurt you are not her friend on call for every life drama and is feeling rejected.

KookyRoseCrab · 21/10/2025 17:34

You can make general noise between 7am-11pm so tell her what you are doing is general, you can however come and go with her but you are the boss on this one

herbalteabag · 21/10/2025 17:35

Ignore her and do what you want. It's your house and you're just doing normal living things. I flush my toilet in the middle of the night, I wouldn't really care what anyone else though about it. You have a right to live your life normally even if your work hours are late or early.