Page 10 | Neighbours request

Skodacool · 22/10/2025 16:05

Figsaregood · 22/10/2025 09:26

I do have some sympathy for your neighbour if she is not able to sleep at night. Sleep deprivation is awful. However it sounds like she and her family are making plenty of noise themselves.
Do you have a power shower ? They can be noisier than showers that use mains pressure. And is your washing machine particularly noisy? Sometimes if the legs are not properly adjusted the machine can rock on the spin cycle and be noisy. I had to replace my elderly washing machine recently and bought a new super quiet one. It wasn't particularly expensive either. I moved house a few months ago and my new neighbour told me that the previous owner of my house had a noisy washing machine. I asked him if he could hear mine and he said no.

My new house has an extractor in the bathroom that runs on excessively long after it has been switched on and the other neighbours had commented on it having been on a lot when the previous owner was here. I read that you can alter the timing, so i am going to get someone in to change it. In the meantime i open the bathroom window instead. You can alter it yourself but i don't want to mess about with something that is connected to the electrics. These are easy things to fix and be accommodating to your neighbours.

Also, do you slam your front door or pull it gently to? I once had a neighbour down the street who slammed her door so loudly you could hear it several houses away. The lock was probably seized up and could have been lubricated to help it to close more easily.

And because of this i felt able to mention to my new neighbour that her dog had been barking non-stop for hours when left alone in the house. She brought in a dog trainer and i rarely hear it bark now. I don't mind the odd bark, because i have a piano which i am sure they can hear, so that's fair enough.

It's all about being considerate. I am really surprised by all the posters saying, ' tell her to f* off etc'. That will achieve nothing.
As other posters have said, some european countries (I think Germany is one) have rules about excessive noise at unsocial hours. Noise disturbance can really negatively affect quality of life.

My advice, for what it's worth, would be to look at any noises you can remediate and text your neighbour to let her know you are taking her concerns seriously and what you can do about it. Some you won't be able to change, maybe due to the layout of that building, water pipes etc. But falling out with neighbours is something to be avoided. If you own your place, any neighbour disputes have to be declared when you come to sell and could affect your ability to sell.
Good luck. I hope you manage to resolve the situation.

OP has quite clearly said that she does not make noise at night. It seems clear that the neighbour is just being vexatious.

JollyMintWasp · 22/10/2025 16:23

You’re not being unreasonable at all. It sounds like you’re already being considerate and keeping noise to a minimum. Shift work is tough, and you still have every right to live normally in your own home. Her requests are unrealistic, especially things like not flushing the toilet after 11pm. Shared walls mean a bit of noise is unavoidable.
If you’re not blasting music or running appliances at odd hours, then she’s the one who needs to adjust her expectations. I’d just carry on as you are and stay polite but firm.

Cherrysoup · 22/10/2025 16:33

I’d see if I could catch the dp and have a word about unreasonable requests and deliberate excessive noise from her. She sounds ridiculous.

playstupidgameswinstupidprizes · 22/10/2025 22:36

Allow me to repeat, this person is a fucking nutter. They will never (not ever) stop trying to harass you if they get what they want - which is your attention and distres. You cannot have normal conversations or expectations of nutters and life is a lot better when we accept this. Blank them completely, they no longer exist. Get a ring camera if you don't already have one, set up other cameras around the place.

Walk past them absolutely ghosting them, headphones are handy for that, slightly smiling and never even look in their direction again.

Take contemporaneous notes, report any incidents to the police. Keep a file of their behaviour for future possible police interventions.

In case she body blocks or screams in your face (possible with nutters) have a couple of very bland grey rock statements available in your mind "I'll let the police know when I'm chatting to them about you later. Bye now" etc. calmly get out your phone and smilingly begin recording her if she invades your space "Could you move please, I've asked you before to stop harassing me" and all in a calm tone, with a slight smile.

Sometimes nutters an be turned away when they realise you are not a soft target. There's no point wondering why she's targeted you, she's just a nutter, they run on their own rules.

The only real way to deal with fucking nutters is to completely and totally ghost and block them, moving house is obviously not an option but also works.

Any interaction you give her will feed her nutty entitlement. Good luck.

Lovehascomeandgone · 23/10/2025 18:03

Tell her to go do one and she can buy some earplugs if it all bothers her that much.

Lollylucyclark101 · 23/10/2025 18:05

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

ugh!

we have one of those neighbours too. He’s has mental health problems and when we first move in 8 years ago; he would meow, growl and make horrible screaming noises though the wall, which terrified my son (then 9).
he used to bang on the wall with a hammer whenever I had visitors and when it was Covid, sent us a letter telling us he was monitoring our noise.

normally, there would be no noise between 8am-6pm as we were out at work and the kids were at school and at weekends it was just normal family noise (similar to what you are describing).

i lost my rag with him eventually and went round (politely) and told him that I was going to report him to the council and the police for harassment…. He’s never really stopped but it did get better.

i wouldn’t give in to her. And make a detailed diary of any silly instances of her bad behaviour or noise level. You can report it to the council even if you are not a council tenant.

trixie1970 · 23/10/2025 18:32

Sorry I clicked on YABU in error.

I think you should just continue as you are OP. Your neighbour sounds deranged. Reminds me of my bonkers neighbour who asked me to stop having such noisy sex in the middle of the night!

Blablibladirladada · 23/10/2025 19:28

Oh dear me.

Ignore as and when possible. Find something to make you happier and fast before you feel like escalating things.

Oldwmn · 23/10/2025 19:33

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

She sounds bonkers.

FeetLikeFlippers · 23/10/2025 20:46

She sounds bonkers and I feel sorry for her children. Who the fuck makes their 5-year-old get involved in a petty feud with the neighbours? Not a loving and responsible parent, that’s for sure.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 23/10/2025 21:06

Broadbeansaresleepinginablanketybed · 21/10/2025 15:16

YANBU at all, other than maybe the hairdryer, I wouldn't use a hairdryer at 5am. I rhink it depends on the time of day for the tuble dryer too, I wouldn't use one late at night. If the daughter does it again, run outside looking concerned, reassure the daughter and tell her the police are on their way.

Yeah same. Everything else is normal every day noise… with the flushing, you could use but maybe not flush every time (save on water bill too if you’re metered). I try and avoid flushing in the small hours not so much because of the neighbours but because of the others in the house.

Hairdryers/vacuums are quite loud. I’d probably avoid doing it near a party wall or maybe go downstairs to do it. I don’t think you need to accommodate her batty behaviour but I think there are certain aspects you could change without being detrimental or difficult, which might help.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 23/10/2025 21:21

Wow she’s bonkers and giving off major stalker vibes!! What a nightmare.

Donsyb · 23/10/2025 22:10

Broadbeansaresleepinginablanketybed · 21/10/2025 15:16

YANBU at all, other than maybe the hairdryer, I wouldn't use a hairdryer at 5am. I rhink it depends on the time of day for the tuble dryer too, I wouldn't use one late at night. If the daughter does it again, run outside looking concerned, reassure the daughter and tell her the police are on their way.

We only ever use our washing machine and tumble dryer at night, as that’s when we get cheap electricity.

Donsyb · 23/10/2025 22:15

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 18:59

@Poppy61
@GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme
@Miyagi99
the earplugs are Howard leight ones they’re used by offshore workers and firearms officers on training they can be a bit tricky to put in I had to put them in for DP when we were on holiday but superb once you master them.
They’re the yellow and pink ones. I get them on Amazon for about £12 for 100 pairs. That lasts me about a year.

i agree with others that she is a dick and the biggest Cheeky fucker going. She absolutely thinks she rules the street. I have so many CF stories about her that make me laugh but these demands just pissed me off.
as expected the music went off just as her partner came back home, I assume because he’s normal and probably isn’t aware of her ridiculous request.

I’ve had those ear plugs and couldn’t get to grips with them - what’s the trick?

Original poster

isitmytime · 23/10/2025 22:51

@Spinmerightroundbabyi e explains a few times I only use the washer/drier during the day, usually the morning once I get up so after 9am and only once can I remember using later when I got blood on a top but that was still before 8pm
and as for the hair drier it’s not been a issue for 3years and it’s used in the room furthest from the adjoining wall and all the internal doors are closed.

thankfully it’s been pretty quiet today but I assume it’s because her partner has been home since before lunchtime.

OP posts:

Original poster

isitmytime · 23/10/2025 22:53

@Donsybwhat works for me is to squash them lengthways, roll the skinny part then when you’re putting them in your ear pull your earlobe out and down a bit so the go further in.
I had to put them in for my DP when we were on holiday! He just couldn’t get the hang of it at all!

OP posts:

Crazycatladywithnocats · 23/10/2025 23:12

I have my pet hates when it comes to noise but I’m not bothered about appliances or loo flushing. Those noises are not intended to cause disturbance and it’s not selfish of you to continue making them.

Your NDN is being an arse.

greenishredblue · 24/10/2025 00:45

Ha ha I had similar to this op. She don’t want us to use our garden as she likes to relax in hers. She said she would allow our Ds to play in ours for an hour a day!!!!!!. She was saying our telly was loud when we don’t even have the telly on. She said our cat had been screaming all night for a whole week (cat has sadly died 2 weeks before this)

anyway I basically told her to do one. Now I worked nights at the time and she took great pleasure in playing loud music, getting her kids to scream, slamming doors. This went on until she as complained about by another neighbour.

(I was aware this was going on as she started as soon as I got in at 9am but because I had amazing ear plugs I could not hear a peep. I just thought it was funny all the effect she was going to and it was not disturbing me one bit)

so she came round banging on the door screaming that is was all my fault she has been reported but it was worth it as she must have disturbed me and made my job harder.

I just looked at her, put my hand to my ear as if I could not hear her, and then said “oh sorry I can’t hear you I have these specially made ear plugs that have been made to fit my ears and I can never here a thing through them. I then took one out to show her. She went bright red and stormed off saying oh I bet you think you are such a clever bitch.

pretty much yep

never heard a peep again and she moved a year later. We now have lovely neighbours who kids play with mine in both our gardens

Francestein · 24/10/2025 01:00

I would be tempted to ask her partner if she is unwell atm, as she is behaving erratically and encouraging their kid to behave in an antisocial manner. Let him know that she seems to have become very obsessive about imagined noise and has made irrational and unreasonable demands. Let him know that you have tried to be understanding, but her behaviour is escalating and you are taking notes in case it continues.

wombat1a · 24/10/2025 02:12

Tell her you are economy 7 so the washing machine is timed to run between 11pm and 6am to get the cheaper power.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 24/10/2025 03:52

If you have any more aggro from this women. Get in touch with your local council Noise dept.

And ask her her to record as and diaries the noisy incidents

For whatever reason she sounds envious of you.

GaIadriel · 24/10/2025 05:10

I think I'd find a washing machine thumping away in the wee hours a bit much, but I'm in a maisonette so it shakes everything pretty badly. But showers etc are fair game. I shower before bed as the alternative is showering at the crack of dawn (was up 03:30 this morn).

hididdlyho · 24/10/2025 07:57

I wouldn't change anything about your reasonable behaviour or get into conversations about why you're doing certain activities at particular times etc. If you live adjoined to people, there's bound to be occasions where a neighbour's behaviour is irritating, but not unreasonable enough to warrant a complaint to them.

She's not a 'normal' person who would be grateful for your co-operation with one particular issue that's inconveniencing her, then go back to having a friendly relationship with you. She's actively finding lists of things to complain about because she wants to. She's either doing it for attention, to be controlling, or possibly both.

If she senses you're giving her requests headspace, she'll keep finding more things to pick at and try to exert her control over. If you engage as minimally as possible, then she'll be forced to stop the nonsense or find someone else to pester.

liamharha · 24/10/2025 09:36

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

She sounds like she has a mental health disorder

sugarapplelane · 24/10/2025 10:19

isitmytime · 23/10/2025 22:51

@Spinmerightroundbabyi e explains a few times I only use the washer/drier during the day, usually the morning once I get up so after 9am and only once can I remember using later when I got blood on a top but that was still before 8pm
and as for the hair drier it’s not been a issue for 3years and it’s used in the room furthest from the adjoining wall and all the internal doors are closed.

thankfully it’s been pretty quiet today but I assume it’s because her partner has been home since before lunchtime.

I would go round Whilst the partner is there and show him the correspondence from his wife with all these requests.
He sounds like he’s more normal and may try to talk sense into her.
Tell him that these requests simply aren’t normal.