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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours request

266 replies

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 15:09

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 21/10/2025 15:50

Just totally ignore every effort to annoy you, or smile and wave if she sees you. She'll soon get tired of it if she gets absolutely no reaction. She's an idiot.

PullingOutHair123 · 21/10/2025 15:50

She's ramping up the crazy! 1 of 2 things will now happen.

  1. She will get bored and move on
  2. She will not get bored and ramp up

In case of option 2, I would start a diary. Noting yours and her sounds. When you come and go, and when she encourages her child to wail like a banshee or put the speaker against the wall.

KookyRoseCrab · 21/10/2025 15:53

Friendlygingercat · 21/10/2025 15:30

I used to live in a flat with an elderly neighbour underneath. She complained to the housing cooperative management that I was often up til after midnight, walking around, having a shwer, flushing the loo etc. She admitted that I was not having guests in or playing music, just normal domestic noise. Still she could not relax until she heard me walk into my bedroom. The chair was nonplussed and told her that these were simply lifestyle differences and as I was not breaking my lease in any way he could not intervene. I told her that she often woke me up on the morning of a late shift hoovering and running the washer. If she could keep these activities til after 10 am I would make a special effort to be quiet after 10 pm, although I gave no gaurantee what time I would go to bed. She huffed that she liked to get her housework done early.

The result was that every time she woke me hoovering etc at 8 am I deliberately punished her by banging about that evening. I flushed the loo, ran the shower, and slammed a few drawers in the kitchen. When she was quiet at the beginning of the day I made an effort to be quiet at the end. Eventually she learned.

when I stayed in my flat and was having a party i went downstairs to the lady who lived underneath me in gave her a miniature of brandy and said ( I’m having a party) she knew as well it was like once every six months.

themerchentofvenus · 21/10/2025 15:54

@isitmytime your neighbour is a loony!

Just say "OK, sure" to her request then change nothing and carry on as normal.

Jo7890123 · 21/10/2025 15:55

TheatricalLife · 21/10/2025 15:50

Just totally ignore every effort to annoy you, or smile and wave if she sees you. She'll soon get tired of it if she gets absolutely no reaction. She's an idiot.

This, don't make extra noise or try to be annoying as others have suggested, if it gets out of hand and someone complains to the council about noise you'll look silly saying 'she started it'. Just wait for her to move on to being annoyed by someone else.

BMW6 · 21/10/2025 15:55

She's obviously trying to retaliate (for no good reason) - I'd ignore her for now.........

LittleBitofBread · 21/10/2025 15:55

Keep a record of her noise nuisance (I have a feeling she's going to escalate rather than give up).
Eventually you'll be able to go to the council about it.

Achewyhamster · 21/10/2025 15:56

This was our neighbour

She banged on our door one night with a list of do's and don'ts for us to follow

Things like 'no parking'
'No flushing the loo more than once a day'
'No cooking curries'
'No leaving for work at 7am'
'No hanging the washing out'
'No using your own garden'
(You get the idea)

We laughed at her and carried on so she ramped it up and threatened to report us to our landlord (we own our house but she didnt know that)

We laughed off her threats and she ended up having a house fire-we've not heard from her since (just waiting though-her type are always the same)

Shes the boss in her household and mistakingly thought she's the boss of our street too

She had a shock-i hung my granny knickers on the line with pride and smile if I see her while I'm using my garden

TMMC1 · 21/10/2025 16:02

JohnBullshit · 21/10/2025 15:20

Your response was beyond reasonable. I'd be inclined to make a reciprocal list to keep in hand in case of escalation. If she can hear you then you can hear them, right?

No, need to be careful as any ‘neighbour dispute’ would be highlighted when either one of you wants to move.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 21/10/2025 16:10

There are a few websites on how to piss off your ndn legally.
Given it's nearly Halloween how about a few tricks for her??

Original poster
isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:12

She Sees herself as a bit of a queen bee and likes to think she knows best about everything. When I moved in she tried telling me I couldn’t park outside on the street and had to use the allocated parking so that her partner could park there. Obviously I ignored that.
trued to tell me not to change anything in the house as the previous owners had made it perfect and it didn’t need it…it did!
i think from what I gather she’s bored. She doesn’t work but hates being stuck at home, but doesn’t want to work. All said by her so I’m assuming this is her new obsession.
I won’t retaliate but I do have limits and I’m not a walk over. I’m sure it will blow over just hopefully soon.

OP posts:
AnotherForumUser · 21/10/2025 16:15

Achewyhamster · 21/10/2025 15:56

This was our neighbour

She banged on our door one night with a list of do's and don'ts for us to follow

Things like 'no parking'
'No flushing the loo more than once a day'
'No cooking curries'
'No leaving for work at 7am'
'No hanging the washing out'
'No using your own garden'
(You get the idea)

We laughed at her and carried on so she ramped it up and threatened to report us to our landlord (we own our house but she didnt know that)

We laughed off her threats and she ended up having a house fire-we've not heard from her since (just waiting though-her type are always the same)

Shes the boss in her household and mistakingly thought she's the boss of our street too

She had a shock-i hung my granny knickers on the line with pride and smile if I see her while I'm using my garden

I am impressed with your approach. Though I'd have been tempted to open a curry catering business and take up learning to play the bagpipes too.

Tassielassie · 21/10/2025 16:21

Get a video door bell to record her, but completely ignore her demands.

Doggymummar · 21/10/2025 16:27

Honestly, is it worth the drama? We are buying a semi-detached, moving from detached and I've already sourced acoustic panel's. They are very cheap and then you can make as much noise as you like as it will be absorbed. I'm very concerned to be good neighbour tho.

DonewhatIcando · 21/10/2025 16:28

@isitmytime
I like your style, you didn't give in to her batshittery & replied with a measured response 👏
Start keeping a record of what's happened so far, do you have a ring camera or similar?
If so keep the recording of her" little darling" wailing outside your house.
I agree with a pp, don't change your habits but smile and wave when you see her.
Don't feed the "crazies" they thrive on it

rwalker · 21/10/2025 16:28

I used to live in a terrace and you could hear Next doors toilet flush and I presume they could hear mine
ultimately I think the issue is your toilet flushing at 2.30am and 5am in the morning is waking them along with shutting your front door and shutting your car door noise travels in the early hours and does seem louder as everything is quiet at that time

I’m guessing the above 2 have pissed her off to the point anything you do will now will piss her off

KeepAwayFromChildren · 21/10/2025 16:29

Record a load of random sounds but set a device to play them when you are out or on holiday just to confuse the dull pillock.

After a while she will have to accept that the noise she is hearing is not you.

TheatricalLife · 21/10/2025 16:30

isitmytime · 21/10/2025 16:12

She Sees herself as a bit of a queen bee and likes to think she knows best about everything. When I moved in she tried telling me I couldn’t park outside on the street and had to use the allocated parking so that her partner could park there. Obviously I ignored that.
trued to tell me not to change anything in the house as the previous owners had made it perfect and it didn’t need it…it did!
i think from what I gather she’s bored. She doesn’t work but hates being stuck at home, but doesn’t want to work. All said by her so I’m assuming this is her new obsession.
I won’t retaliate but I do have limits and I’m not a walk over. I’m sure it will blow over just hopefully soon.

Sounds like ignoring and carrying on as usual is the best play as you've done it before. If she's bored, she'll probably relish the idea of a bit of drama. I'd pretend I didn't even know anything was going on and make it so boring she'll soon move on to something else. No need for retaliation. You've got better things to do than play tit for tat noise games.

No5ChalksRoad · 21/10/2025 16:32

ThisCanFuckOffToo · 21/10/2025 15:27

I don’t think I’d use a hairdryer at 5 am if I lived in an attached house but the rest of her requests are completely unreasonable, as is her behaviour, obviously.

What is a person expected to do, go to work with wet hair? I can't do my hair at night and have it still look professional by morning.

Hair dryers are tantamount to white noise. Anyone bothered by them while inflicting noisy children on neighbours is batshit and not worthy of attention.

StripyShirt · 21/10/2025 16:33

Doggymummar · 21/10/2025 16:27

Honestly, is it worth the drama? We are buying a semi-detached, moving from detached and I've already sourced acoustic panel's. They are very cheap and then you can make as much noise as you like as it will be absorbed. I'm very concerned to be good neighbour tho.

Soundproofing is a lot harder than that.

Whyherewego · 21/10/2025 16:33

She's escalating and it's not worth it IMHO.

Id say have another chat with her and say
" look you are clearly unhappy with my response as I can see you've decided to up the anti on the noise. How about a compromise, I will not put on the washing machine or tumble dryer overnight and I will only flush the toilet if I've done a poo. But I do need to take a shower when I get in so I cant not do that. Does that help you at all?"

You dont want to end up with batshit woman making your life a misery

Achewyhamster · 21/10/2025 16:34

AnotherForumUser · 21/10/2025 16:15

I am impressed with your approach. Though I'd have been tempted to open a curry catering business and take up learning to play the bagpipes too.

Show quote history

I have to confess that when she told me I wasn't to play any music ever again,but played 'nothing compares 2u' on bloody loop for hours,I channeled my father (who can be a spiteful arsehole) and borrowed dps Bluetooth speaker (I may have put it on the windowsill closest to her house) and played the agadoo/birdie sing/spitting image song on loop and full blast

I did allow a friends child to come round and practice her recorder in our garden in the summer

I also noticed that the spice Taylor packets on offer at Tesco and stocked up (only way I can cook a curry and I like them as a quick easy meal-she can squeal about it being 'p*ki food as much as she likes-ive just cooked a meal)

I can be a twat-shes got no hope of forcing us out of our home (which she admitted is her end game) so I'm having fun at winding her up

If that makes me spiteful then so be it (I'm a nice person until her type flap their mouths off at me)

OneFineDay22 · 21/10/2025 16:35

Is it possible her other attached neighbour has anonymously complained about her kids or her other noise and she thinks it was you?

My kids don’t wake up when we flush our own toilet and I have literally never heard a neighbour’s toilet flush in my life.

MissMoneyFairy · 21/10/2025 16:36

I wouldn't bother attempting to compromise, it won't stop, I wouldn't use a washing machine or tumble dryer at 11pm, what time do you use them.

hididdlyho · 21/10/2025 16:36

YANBU, it sounds like she's a control freak and looking for things to get annoyed about. All of the stuff you mention falls under perfectly reasonable things to do in your home. If she makes a thing of letting her kid scream outside your house, I'd be tempted go out each time to ask if everything is ok as it sounds like the kid is hurt or in pain. Either that or wait for another neighbour to ask them wtf they're doing!