Neighbours request

[isitmytime]

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

I can hear next doors loo flush - if I’m in the bathroom. It doesn’t travel any further. And how are you supposed to avoid loo flushing anyway? Surely it also happens (and louder) in your own house?

Oh God poor you.
People like this make me feel violent. I have come across a few in my life...in friendship circles and at work. Malignant and controlling. They take any form of disagreement or refusal as a personal attack and then you get the sort of crap you have described. Taking revenge. It's pathetic, sure...but let's be honest, when an adult behaves this way it's also quite intimidating. It threatens your peace.

Give her nothing. Don't acknowledge her puerile games. Stay chill, ignore. Say a polite hi in passing. Carry on living your life as suits you. Keep a diary of everything that has taken place and try to get some evidence if the kid turns up to scream again (her mother's an arsehole).

God forbid you say no to a bully.

Buy a video doorbell and start recording evidence. Other than that smile, wave and rise above. Your best revenge on people like this is to ignore them.

I love in a terraced house and while I can hear some noise from next door (as you would expect) I can’t hear half of what you describe - and I’m super sensitive to noise!

Your neighbour sounds like a control freak. Ring doorbell needed if you haven’t got one. My neighbours get up early and occasionally doors opening and closing disturb me. However I have children who have noisy moments. No way would I complain. I would keep a record of her idiot ways tbh.

Haha. Tell her that if she makes sure you never hear a peep from her kids, you'll be happy to comply...

Tempting but no. Don't react or retaliate because she will love that.
Instead, behave impeccably. It's the most aggravating thing you can do because it shows her up as the aggressor while she can't pin a single thing on you. It's rising above and it is the wisest way to respond.

What earplugs do you have please?

If the grotty kid stands outside your gate screaming again turn the hairdryer on them.

Shes a full dick.

Id go "grey rock" on her.

Sounds irritating

Don't react but if you see her give her a cheery hello/ comment about the weather/ gosh where has this year gone type of greeting as if nothing has been said. Guaranteed to piss her off while maintaining the high ground.

phone ss and tell them your worried about the child as outside alone screaming with no sign of the parents , we live in flats and no one ever moans about any of the things you mention even tho we hear there music and them ours am sure and some shouting never a complaints made or a bad word said unless theres a leak or something then they knock the door we do same thats 20 flats in the block we hear people moving about they hear my cats doing zoomies at 3am its all give and take

She sounds a bit much. I'd completely ignore her & refuse to get drawn into any further discussions. The normal cut-offs for 'excessive noise' are usually between 11pm and 7am. No-one is going to entertain a noise complaint because someone is using a washing machine in the evening!

I had neighbours with very young children and I would occasionally check in if we were doing things like BBQing in the back garden of an evening. Their view (which I think is pretty normal) was 'thanks for thinking of us, but no, we don't expect neighbours to work around 7.30pm kid's bed times'. Similarly I've been chilling in my garden with a G&T and been treated to multiple repeats of 'the wheels on the bus' and noisy games coming from their back garden. Them's the breaks as they say and I wouldn't have dreamt of saying anything!

You are handling this just right. Keep ignoring her and not only will it infuriate her but she will get bored eventually if you don’t retaliate. What a stupid woman

Either she needs to find a house in the middle of the countryside, or she's ok with your minimal noise.

My neighbour wakes me up at 510 am everyday when she gets in her car.
i just turn over and go back to sleep.
its life !

I must admit, if my neighbour asked me to avoid flushing the toilet after 11pm (i.e. if it was waking them) then I'd try and be a bit quieter - does your bathroom back onto their bedroom? But I'd need to wash my hands etc.

So personally I'd try and keep it down a bit once I was aware, but not to an excessive amount, just to be mindful.

Who the hell does she think she is trying to enforce rules on a grown woman in her own home?

She would rarely regret starting this game with me because my pettiness would be off the charts.

Why can’t people just accept we’re all different with different work schedules and lives? Just ignore her OP, just carry on doing your thing. She has no right to set rules.

If you live alone OP, (like me) I would also welcome and encourage your friends, and friends husbands to pop by regularly. Be seen to have support.

I would still use the hairdryer too. They’re not very loud. If she can hear that then surely you can hear each other conversations too. I’d think of sound proofing and keep windows shut her side. That’s outrageous that you have to dry your hair in a different room because neighbours can hear hairdryer. I’m sure a 5 year old is much louder than you are. What an awful neighbour!

@isitmytime what ear plugs do you use please?

She can if she puts a glass up to the wall.

I had a neighbour ask me not to defrost my car at 6am as it woke him up. I pointed out I would rather be in my warm bed than freezing my arse off outside and asked if I was meant to drive when I couldn’t see out the windows
he huffed and slammed the door

OMG she's absolutely batshit!!
I cannot believe she had the gall to ask that of you?!?!

I wonder why 'now'??

Anyway, you sound fairly quiet & considerate. Just carry on as you are & ignore the 'crazy lady'

id just be uber cheerful with the child, she'll soon see it's her mum with the loose screw.

If she really has a problem because she's so sensitive I would encourage her to soundproof her side of the party wall.

Send her the details here: https://www.soundproofingstore.co.uk/how-to-soundproof-my-wall-against-noisy-neighbours

The cost is less than £1,500. So £3k for two floors and £4,500 for three floors. Quite the bargain for her to have a quiet life.

https://www.soundproofingstore.co.uk/how-much-does-it-cost-to-soundproof-a-wall