To feel like a very inadequate mother after reading this?

[Rainallnight]

I’ve just finished reading a novel (In Memoriam, by Alice Winn) and she says this about her mother in the acknowledgements.

I don’t know why it’s affected me so much but it’s making me feel like I’m not trying hard enough.

But then DD and DS have additional needs and it’s quite tricky sometimes to get the basics done.

It’ll probably take a while for the image to load.

I've not done anywhere near as much as that. However my children do know the difference between can I and may I, and when either should be used - I count this as my most important piece of wisdom 😂

Actually there was something nice the other day. I looked out of the bus window at the changing leaves and said to DS14 "What is it that I tell you about leaves every autumn?" He sighed and said "The reds and yellows are always there under the green - you just can't see them until autumn when the green breaks down."

My work here is done 🎉

Yes, true. They might not be interested in all you share & have preferences though too.

It’s one paragraph. We are told it is about a parent child relationship but if you read it without knowing that it could be about anyone.

Of course. But it's about picking up on what they are interested in and engaging with that.

I have one child who is a book work (so I keep them supplied with any books they want) and one who is dyslexic and not at all keen on books - but she loves the theatre so we go regularly

Yes, that’s def what should happen & wonderful you’re sensitive to that. It sounds obvious & intuitive, IME it’s not.

Whatever you’re doing look at it like this -

Do your kids come home from school and into an environment where they are wanted, welcome and treated with care ?

When dinner time comes is there enough food for them to be full and enjoy before they go to bed in a home where they are safe and sheltered ?

They are not punished with physical violence or mental trauma ?

When they seek comfort because they are afraid, they run to you or the other parent because you are a safe space ?

They are regularly treated for any medical or dental needs ?

They are being educated ?

They are clothed adequately through the seasons ?

Yes to all of the above - you’re an amazing mother.

You can only pass on to your kids what you know and are interested yourself.
you might not be interested in pshysics, chemistry, maths etc, but you lived enough to be able to pass on other interesting knowledge, music for example

Oh please don't feel inadequate. This sounds so cold! (And I'm a writer too.) I'd hate it if my son wrote something like this about me. I think, as a mum, you can maybe hope to be a bit inspirational, but really, all you need is a whole lot of love and a certain amount of patience. One thing we did, when he was a child, was slog around what the family called 'mum's heaps of old stones'. I loved archaeology, old buildings of all kinds. I didn't think much of it had gone in, but now, my grown-up son's holiday pictures are full of temples, castles, palaces and all kinds of 'heaps of old stones'. If I'm honest, I enjoy thinking 'my work here is done!' but I never, ever thought of it as 'teaching'. I think if I had, he'd have been off like a shot. And I wouldn't have been remotely disappointed if he didn't like them at all. As others have said, there's no warmth in this acknowledgment at all.