To feel like a very inadequate mother after reading this?

[Rainallnight]

I’ve just finished reading a novel (In Memoriam, by Alice Winn) and she says this about her mother in the acknowledgements.

I don’t know why it’s affected me so much but it’s making me feel like I’m not trying hard enough.

But then DD and DS have additional needs and it’s quite tricky sometimes to get the basics done.

It’ll probably take a while for the image to load.

Some people are exceptional human beings, but - obviously - most are not.

My DC had school teachers to teach them all that. I hopefully taught them what it means to be loved and cared for. Manners, respect, making pancakes, sticking at things we don't like sometimes, not giving up & how to wash their own clothes .

Your children will say something different about you, just as I would say something different about my Mam.
It doesn't mean you are in any way inadequate because someone else taught their child about English kings and Chinese history.
What else does she say about her mother?
I would say my Mam loved me with all her heart and moved heaven and earth for me. She also taught me lots of things but if I just listed what she taught me without mentioning how much she loved me that would seem very cold.

My own mother is inadequate. I'm sure reading greek mythology and visiting art exhibitions is great. But what children really need is to feel loved, safe and supported.

I realise this thread is about reassuring op but I find it mind boggling people don't realise that you can have a loving caring joyful home and introduce your children to academic and interesting ideas.

My daughters would say: to my mother who took me to and from school for many years. So I could be taught history, English literature, geography ect from qualified teachers. I am eternally grateful!

My mum taught me to be a nice person, but she left school at 14 so didn’t teach me anything else much. I wish I’d been nicer to her, but my dad was so horrible I had to stay away.
I think all mums feel inadequate at times, but I’m sure the OP isn’t!

I introduced DS to Blackadder, Lost Boys, Prince, The Jabberwocky and The Hunger Games - but you know, whatever floats your boat.

He's always thought poetry was tedious though.

Lost Boys you say? Your job is done. 👊😌

You're missing the point. The OP is suggesting that she thinks the mother who introduced her DC to all the stuff mentioned, is somehow superior to her, and other mothers who don't teach their child about Chinese history and Greek Mythology and so on.... (And she's not superior.)

No-one has said you can't have both love and care from parents AND learn about certain shit too!

Ours both love reading and theatre because that’s what we do so they just do it too. Also scrabble. We are a words and literature family but none of us are great at maths and science. My lockdown home schooling was very skewed!

Some mums are just superstars I guess.
My mother was amazing, she taught me lots through just talking, we talked a lot.
I mean some people just shine but that doesn't mean we don't matter.
Our families value us and that's enough.

I am amazed at all these compliant children mine pushed back, a lot. I live in a library :)(they weren’t much interested in books) & yet they’ve gone on to do things I’d never have predicted & didn’t catch my passions I’d tried to subtly indoctrinate.

@Rainallnight the basics are:
How to eat
How to sleep (and a lot of parents are not very good with this)
How to use the loo
How to swim
How to ride a bike
How to interact with your peers
How to interact with society politely

At school - parents need to basically need to teach them how to read and do times tables.

My mother taught me that the sticky part of the sanitary towel goes on your knickers

That was it, nothing else about periods or sex or anything - just that gem of information.

It sounds as if that (super)mum should be applying for the £180k tutor job currently being discussed on here.....

I’m impressed you finished the book! It’s the first book I returned to audible, I didn’t enjoy it at all!

I agree that tone doesn't come across in the op but it absolutely does in some of the subsequent posts

Children are all different. Loving learning/reading doesn't make a child "compliant" though. It just means they love learning /reading. That's just one facet of who a person is

Of course we realise that, but this isn’t the place for that comment clearly. Read the room.

Only on MN could I ever come across several people calling it pretentious, I despair

Don’t be silly OP, a vanishingly small number of people teach their children Greek mythology and Chinese history. It’s mostly one or the other surely.

@Rainallnight im sure you are a lovely parent, there’s many different ways to be a lovely mother.

I love drawing and colouring and DD always hated it 🤷🏻‍♀️ but we did many other things that she remembers fondly. Each family is different.

Why? I don't see why some people need to denigrate people who enjoy intellectual activities just to make someone feel better

It's possible to say there are many ways to be a great parent without resorting to implying that anyone who reads and discusses good book must be a flawed parent with a joyless life.

Ops parenting the way her children need her to, that's all that matters. It's a weak argument if you need to slur others to reassure someone

I’m sure you’re doing just fine.
Don't forget she is an author and they have a way with words.
BTW wonderful book. Have also just finished it.