To feel like a very inadequate mother after reading this?

[Rainallnight]

I’ve just finished reading a novel (In Memoriam, by Alice Winn) and she says this about her mother in the acknowledgements.

I don’t know why it’s affected me so much but it’s making me feel like I’m not trying hard enough.

But then DD and DS have additional needs and it’s quite tricky sometimes to get the basics done.

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Most parents when they have interest in that specific subject? but I don't think you need to translate it as having regular formal lectures about a subject 😂

You have books, kids read the book, you discuss the life of a certain King or Queen. Mythology and History, they study at school anyway, so you just have discussions around it, take them to relevant places or expositions if there happens to be one. You watch movies, or documentaries.

All this is quite organic, the same way as discussing the life of a famous tennis player.

Everyone has different interests, no one needs to feel inadequate because their interests are elsewhere, or their own child is only 8 and you have at least another decade to talk about things before they leave for uni!

You just don't see what YOU are teaching. I mean, most of the sport coaches I know have kids who excel in their specialist sport. (Some kids don't want to carry on eventually, that happens too), you just pass on your interest and knowledge.

Seriously? What a horribly narrow view of education.

That’s an awful attitude to education. How do you expect children to be interested in and focused on learning if you signal to them that you don’t care about it?

You should try Natalie Haynes, preferably on audiobook (I think she reads them herself). All the invisible women (and some not invisible but maligned) in the Classics. Odysseus, what are you doing claiming it's taking you 10 years to get home. I know what you're about - harpies my foot - floozies more like.

I find it rather sad that considering this is about a child and their mothers relationship the only love there is the one instilled in reading
It could be referring to their 5th grade English teacher or a librarian that worked at the local library.

Meh. I take my small child to lots of historical sites, we travel a lot, and I take him to lots of cultural things like the theatre etc. Mostly because I like them admittedly. But I hope that what he will remember and value about me most are the more important things. That I loved and cherished him, that I always did my best for him, that I supported him, that I was firm but always kind and compassionate, that I worked hard to give him a good life and in doing so taught him the value of hard work, that I always believed in him, that I loved spending time with him.

I haven’t read the book, but how do you get this from one paragraph? Introducing me to books was one of the most loving things my parents could have done for me. I cannot imagine my world without reading.

Same here. A fond and very early memory with both my parents.
I think it is a refreshing thing to write about your mother - like she is a person with interests and you actually liked that.

I also don’t think we need to push others down to make ourselves feel better. We are different people, we can value different things and still have lovely relationships for it.

My mum didn't teach me anything academic at all, she was not an educated person. But she was a warm and loving mother, which is actually what is important.

what's on earth is sad about it?

You have a very reductive vision of "reading"

My mother taught me to be house proud, thought me to cook a bit, taught me to bake a bit. Set a good example around work ethic. She developed a keen passion in learning and education. We aren’t in contact for other reasons that relate to other people that she cannot accept who they are, but the things she did well, she did great.

I’ve had no need for Greek mythology or Chinese but the skills my mother gave me I’ve put into use every day of my life.

Are you worried, more broadly, about a lack of culture in their lives?

I think as parents, we should teach our DC what we are interested in and then let them make their minds up if they want to pursue this when older.

But equally, we should take an interest in what our DC would like to know, find out about it together and teaching each other in the progress.

I think we are very lucky that a huge amount of knowledge is readily available and free.... in the past children had to rely on their parents & school for books, visits to diffrent places or simply finding out names & more for the things we see around us.

There’s a whole longstanding thread about this: “but we took you to stately homes”. Doing the stuff in the OP is fine but it’s not the most important thing by any means.

Please don't let this make you feel inadequate!!
Find me another mother who did these things - it would be a big search - and yet all these chidlren survive, do well in life, feel loved, contribute to society.

You must ask yourself why you feel so inadequate that reading this can cause you concern. It is k,as another poster has pointed out, pretentious horse manure.

Be proud of who YOU are and of all the love you give your children;

I taught mine to have confidence by being a confident person
You will be surprised at how far confidence can get you especially coupled with common sense
That no decision is a wrong decision. It just comes with a certain set of consequences

I have shown them things like cashback sites and how to look for discount codes and how to get what they want for the least possible price.

I also show them everyday that I love them and when they are around even as adults they get lots and lots of cuddles.

Yabu. You have taught your children something nobody else has- my kids know how to add strange harmonies to songs, how to listen for instruments coming in, how to pull a joke out of a situation, how to look out for other people, how not to compare yourself to others and appreciate what you have (honestly, I think it’s a good achievement, star of the week had me having to pull that one out early in their lives!). Also how to make a mean rocky road or make a hot chocolate when they’re not having a good day! Get your kids to read Percy Jackson if they want a bit of Greek mythology!!! Hugs op, we beat ourselves up too much!!

eta I’ve also taught them to shop around for the best prices, my son checks all toy shops for Lego now then goes with the best price!

Confidence is, IMO, a key to a happy & successful life.

Are you worried, more broadly, about a lack of culture in their lives?

I can almost guarantee your partner won't be worrying about these things. Don't take on too much, getting kids to school is often enough to test the patience of a saint. Love them, listen to them and help them when they ask, that's all they need. We have the internet now anyway!

It's not pretentious or wrong to teach your child academic and intellectual things.
Nor is it inferior or shameful or better to teach your child practical skills.

We all bring different things to the mix as parents. And different children need different things from their parents too. And that's fine. That's what makes the world so interesting.

Do other people find they learn as much from their children as the other way round? I love the way my children pull me into their interests and shape my life in new and unexpected ways

My parents actual hated history because of the way they were taught it school- learning the names and dates of kings and queens by rote.

Whereas I had a great History teacher and actually quite enjoyed the Y9 and GCSE syllabus. Local history and a site study of a historic building. Modern World studies looking at Israel/Palestine and the NI conflict (totally different perspective gained on that from the Catholic perspective) and touching on the first Iraq war which had just kicked off. Medicine through the ages. Britain 1815-51- industrial revolution, the struggle for more rights for the general population and voting. All still highly relevant now. DPs agreed that they'd have probably found it interesting if taught like that.

Yes, very much so.

Exactly. Nowhere In that passage does the author mention any Mothering qualities - love, kindness, warmth, nurture - just the fact that her mother recommended books to her. We had a full, towering bookcase as kids and were always encouraged to read and my mum( and dad) did help to foster a great love of reading in me but my mum, had and indeed has many other wonderful, over riding qualities as a mum. The majority of parents are their child's first teacher.