To feel like a very inadequate mother after reading this?

[Rainallnight]

I’ve just finished reading a novel (In Memoriam, by Alice Winn) and she says this about her mother in the acknowledgements.

I don’t know why it’s affected me so much but it’s making me feel like I’m not trying hard enough.

But then DD and DS have additional needs and it’s quite tricky sometimes to get the basics done.

It’ll probably take a while for the image to load.

This is what I came to say!

Without knowing more though, is that because the author was referring to matters relevant to the book?

Eg. If I wrote a book that drew on a passion my dad shared with me, I may have referenced that in the acknowledgements even though he was many other things to me too

I can't imagine being so anti - intellectual that I would refer to this as pretentious.

This sort of mother is generally speaking part of an older world where this sort of passing on of knowledge was not uncommon.

Now, mothers who are expected to work full time outside the home, or need to, or want to, may be too busy for this and their children more caught up with tv, their phones or gaming and many activities.

In fact, imo, there is little concept of how much the sort of mother in the OP used to do. I am guessing, judging from her knowledge, she was middle class, at least reasonably privileged, and well educated though. Not that learning other important tasks for life as taught by less fortunate women were not very important as well.

What I wrote missed out very very important factors others are mentioning such as that a loving home is far more important than books read etc, and also that cold but academic mothers can end up being pretty awful.

Of course that true. But you can get warm hearted and loving academic parents and cold hearted and disinterested anti-intellectual parents. It's not a binary

I think it is wonderful her mother is credited for passing on her knowledge and interest like she is a person in her own right.

reverse snobbery is only a way for people to make themselves feel better, it's sad for the kids really.

The author went to Marlborough College! Which is not only extremely expensive (£50k Pa I think) but also hard to get into academically. Likely the mum was one of these incredibly wealthy women who can devote themselves to their children and studying what interests them that doesn’t need to increase earning potential (ie classics). So you are comparing yourself to a very different family!

I completely agree, no need for inadequacy just love them and indulge their interests! That's all her Mum has done - they just had a shared interest in more academic pursuits so it seems more profound.

And I couldn't imagine being so pretentious that I'd consider someone anti-intellectual because their mother didn't teach them about Greek mythology and Chinese history.

That's quite a leap.
The people calling this description of a mother pretentious are self-evidently anti-intellectual. That doesn't mean anyone who parents differently is.

no one said that at all, the poster was merely replying to the smug and dismissive "Pretentious horseshit" comment.

Considering the average reading age in the UK is age 9-11, I agree we have a lot of 'poor kids' that had huge issues with access to books and reading support growing up.

It's very important for me that my children love to read. The content isn't important (within reason)

I would love to know the mums tricks. Dh and I have tried to introduce our teens to our sports both derided and rejected. To be fair they each do a thing each just very different one to ours!

That said I have instilled in both mine a love of drinking cocktails by a pool while reading not sure how great that is.

Kids learn about Greek mythology in Primary School, local state schools even do a fancy dress day based on it

Kung Fu Panda is based roughly in Imperial China

You must have really low standards to call "pretentious' normal subjects that can easily come to the attention and interest of young kids, and start a discussion and more learning about them.

It’s the dedication I deem pretentious, not the educational topics.

Why?

My Dd is doing classics A level at a state school. Thinking about it Dh did read children’s classics to her as a child - maybe he will get a dedication!

what? actual parenting?

Care to elaborate because I genuinely do not understand what you mean here.

My parents read me classical literature and I do feel bad I don't read enough of it to my daughter, but above all else. My daughter knows she is loved and protected. I'm teaching her financial literacy and supporting her into what I hope is an enjoyable time on this earth.

I do believe this is what she will remember me for above all else, even if I did read endless classical literature all the time.

Why?

Alice Winn had a hugely privileged upbringing. She attended one of the most expensive boarding schools in the country. So yes, I'm sure her mother could afford to do a great many things with her that the average Joe(sephine) can't.

I've never seen the point in learning about Greek mythology. It's just pretentious nonsense and they're myths so what's the point?

I think kids should be able to choose what they want to learn about. I did history GCSE because my dad said could help me even though I hated history. He did all my coursework and I very reluctantly copied it all out and learned nothing. If I'd done geography I wouldn't have needed help in the first place.

Because they are like fables
there’s always a lot of wisdom there if you look
if last time you read any was when you was at school
try again as an adult, where you see things from such a different point of view

it’s worth it